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these days
looking around the globe
one might believe that we are travelling in time

just in the wrong direction

regression as progress
seems to be
the dominant notion of the day
creating wannabees in various disguises
     populist czars, sultans, nationalists, dictators,
     assorted self-appointed snake-oil salesmen
     and saviors of their peoples’ wealth and health,
trumpeting fences, walls, tough immigration laws,
etc., etc.  
to keep out all those aliens

     who otherwise are welcome
     as our partners in the global trade
     that seems to dominate the world of greed

so we can all be ourselves

     whatever that might mean

claiming to solve the problems of tomorrow
     with romanticized memories of yesterday
is hopeless and quite dangerous

do you remember
what that glorified past
actually was?
 Jul 2016 Ceiling thoughts
s
Eyes open
Feet on the floor
Stop to look in the mirror
Step on the scale
Cringe
Brush teeth
Avoid eye contact with
Ugly/*****/worthless/sad/girl
Close the door behind you
T shirt + leggings + converse
Eyes watering
Breakfast//no breakfast//fat//skip it
Keys
Open door
Turn on ignition
And drive away.

This is just getting out the door in the morning. It's getting harder everyday.
Idk what to do. My poems aren't even poems lately. Just rants. I'm sorry.
I dream of taking my life
for this would be a sweet paradise.

I hope the hours of my last breath
to be as peaceful and quite as my blood leaving my body.

The moment when I'll get to feel nothing
when I could again, be loved by nobody.

That sweet memory of your eyes scarring my skin
when you broke me, while being cold blooded.

Angels let me die, demons take me alive
make every moment in my life
vanish before my dying eyes.
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