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Cassidy Vautier Mar 2014
blast the beatles
sit in the shower
wash every corner of your body
wash the bad thoughts down the drain

go to a party and stay sober
watch all the people
listen to the words
they don't want to remember in the morning

light a cigarette
draw in the first cloud of smoke
let your lungs burn and cry
thank yourself because you're not addicted to nicotine

let it all ******* go
sit down with your favorite friend
share the origins of everything you feel
talk about the routes of your being
how your here now and where you want to be
its okay to let them see

never hesitate to be selfish with yourself
if there is one person you give your everything to
it should be yourself
everyone is busy building themselves
they are wrong to make you a slave to their feelings

pierce your nose
wear what you like
do not fear opinions of others
do not bow your head when they disagree
you live for yourself, not for them

be compassionate
give without reason
smile and love everyone
because everyone needs it

only speak of the things you love
and keep quiet of the things you do not
hate is a poison
Cassidy Vautier Mar 2014
poetry
it is the way the pen taps at an anxious hand
waiting for the words to catch up to emotions
your head unscrewed at the top
your thoughts dribbling down your cheeks
in droplets onto paper

ink flows with ease
when flowers blossom in your mind
reaching their way through your chest
or
when your heart is clenched so tightly
to keep from shattering

i sit here empty
sunken eyes
cracked fingers trace paper
and i am uncomfortably numb

evil has looked back at me
razors down my back
i’ve felt the sun on my mind
a heart of healed cracks

i cursed the past
tried something new
and i managed somehow to live
without holding you

tonight simply i’m nothing
blank as the page before me
i hope that soon
the universe hands me
a bouquet of life
a handful of seeds
that i can plant as new thoughts

i need something
Cassidy Vautier Mar 2014
there are universes inside my head
stars in my eyes
fractions of the chaos
thats inside my mind

sighing fumes
they believe that i’m better
i’m just great
drowning under the weather

the room is spinning
darkness creeping back in
my eyes search the room
i’m without a friend

please take me home
i begin to mutter
your rough hands
push me down
and pull me back under

laying awake
completely alone by your side
you’ve taken the light from me
there are not stars in my eyes

i’m standing in a room
filled with my friends
they don’t know
that their minds are all dead

the world is spinning
just like the room
somewhere between it all
i became just like you

i’m not me right now,
just give me some time
i’ll take this all back
erase that bad night

my mind is screaming
just let me go
when i’m with you
i’d rather be alone
Cassidy Vautier Mar 2014
you are questions to me

do you like me?
are you going too?
do you like this song?
are you okay?
do you want to go out on saturday?
what are we?
do you want to kiss me?
are you happy?
what were you thinking when you met me?
why are you leaving me?
who’s that?
do you even care?
are you coming back?
do you miss me?
call me back?
please?


but mostly
you are the questions
that i am too afraid to ask
i know my heart
won’t understand the answer
and it will split into pieces
searching for an answer
Cassidy Vautier Mar 2014
i popped the 20+ year old disk into the cd drive
as we began to role down the road.
something came alive
in my 35+ year old dad
who screamed along with cobain

after the twelfth song had finished
we sat in a few moments of silence
one of the only real connections
i had ever had with the man

you know,
scott and i were driving to school
on this road in 94'
someone came on the radio
announcing that kurt cobain was found dead
we stopped the car and just sat there
in the road for a long time
then we turned around and went home


i felt those words.
of everything he's ever told me
i felt that the most

music is everything great in this world
people die
music doesn't
Cassidy Vautier Mar 2014
The rainy season was the worst.
It rained,
and rained,
and rained.
It never let up.
We worked through it,
ran through it,
marched through it,
and even swam through it.
Then once it stopped,
the sun came up and dried everything up.
Then it was back to normal,
the old timers said.
Although four months of rain was all I’d really seen.

When the rainy season went
and the hot wet tropical weather came back
it was beautiful.
I’d never seen so many shades of green in all my life.
It was a beautiful sight.
Its funny how you can remember
all those things from so long ago
and far away,
but other things are like burns in your mind,
and the rest are those memories
you can’t seem to shake out of your head,
even though you wish you could,
they’re like yesterday to me.

All my life I’d never had such dear friends
than those that I’d met on my tour.
I see them all everyday like they came back from yesterday.
Yesterday was a sad day.
I’d never seen so much blood in all my life.
It was a very hard day,
that yesterday was.

We came out of that oh so green jungle
God the shades I’d seen  
Shades of red that day.
We’d come up onto this pretty little road,
and everyone no matter how cruel or harsh
saw the beauty that day.
Just like a bolt of lightning
screaming across the midnight black sky,
it was gone.

I see it everyday
but it’s quite distanced in my mind.
It happened so quick,
such a cruel trick to play
on that most beautiful day.

Like thunder heard
from atop a tall mountain
the shells went off scattering us,
far apart.
Like the hard driven rain the bullets hailed.
Dank red blood.


I’ve seen a lot in my lifetime
I’ve drank from that crystal lake in the mountain
I’ve ran in a decanting sunrise
Sailed my boat through a hurricane
Yeah, I’ve seen a lot
Done a lot.
I saw men die
I’ve seen life begin
Its a hand life I’ve lived
A friend died by a lake in the mountain
He died in my arms
The blood covered him like a mask
Hiding the friend I once loved
Life’s cruel
There’s war
There’s death
God gives us life and takes it away only to make us kings after the tribulation

I remember a guard friend
as I stare a glance through the air.
Memories came back from long ago...
So far away...
They are like yesterday....
Like a scared child I look away.
Pray, pray, pray for God to take me away.

Its a whole other country you know.
I’ve seen it, felt it, heard it.
I see it everyday.
So green and beautiful.
Green to hide the blood.
I feel the blood running down my face from the scars.
Scars of the save.

-
I’m going to the desert soon.
It will be so nice.
So hot, so dry,
I will almost fry,
and when death winks at me,
I will die,
in the desert my spirt will fly,
my body will sigh,
a sigh of relief,
open the pearly white gates,
Im coming home.
Lord save me.
My mom went to art school, and so I've always had art sketch pads floating around my house, barely written in. I finally filled my own, and was on the pursuit of another one, because i had an idea for a drawing.. I came across a pad (only 1/4 filled, with a few loose letters an envelopes inside), after reading through it I found these written in. My dad was only deployed for a year/or less and sent home due to severe PTSD and back pain.

Reading this especially upsets me because there are so many things about our parents we don't know. I've never considered my dad as artistic, or full of feelings, articulations like this..
Cassidy Vautier Mar 2014
you told me you loved
the sound of rain
beating on your rooftop

in the relenting heat of august
wearily we awaited the storm clouds to [come] in
the crack of lightning in the sky
the warm wind whipping through the green

at last a grey day
out of the blue
slowly and then all at once
all other noises were drown away
silence filled with the furious pitter patter
millions of watery needles
striking the tin roof

you were a common thought of mine
[back] in that time
fitting, i found it
to dial your number
together we basked in the tirade
of the storm

you laid in your bed
phone pressed to you face
miles away
i laid in mine
listening to your stories
with the orchestra of nature
pervading in the background

not too soon after
the room filled [with] sleepy smiles
and quiet giggles
i laid next to you
watching your eyes
as they wandered from the ceiling to mine
whispering stories to me
[the] same aqueous anthem surrounding us
that time your hands entangled with mine

tonight
the [rain] is knocking at my window
wondering where you’ve gone
our song plays dismally around the room

i'll bet you're laying in your bed
on your side listening too
i hope you wonder if i'm listening
i hope you remember
how much i loved the rain
beating on my roof

my hands reach for the cool side of the bed
where you once would have met me
i can feel your absents on my finger tips

an occurrence filled with so much content
is now filing a gaping hole in my chest
just like the reminiscent rain
your voice leaves me cold
even on the loveliest days
for the boy who bought a cd with only the content of tropical rainforest storms, so he could sleep at night. you were everything. you remain with the rain.
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