When you did what you did,
I tied my hair back and rolled cuffs into my jeans.
I put on my work boots and started to pick up the pieces of myself that you spent all that time chipping away at.
I let myself look at each one, giving myself time.
It's hard to remember where everything went, but I tried my best.

There were days that I'd sit in the middle of it all and let it overwhelm me. There were days I would pretend you were still here, chipping comfortably away.

I didn't know it'd take so long. I didn't know it'd hurt so much.

But with my sleeves pushed back, I worked and I learned. I learned how to take care of my broken pieces. How to treat them gently and lovingly, even when I felt I had no more love left in me.

I don't know exactly when it happened, but it did.

You did what you did, and I did what I had to.

And suddenly I am whole again.

I was at the entrance
of the high-rise apartments
and I phoned my grandma upstairs
and she offered me her instructions:
“Well, Josie…I’m at 354
you got to hit the green, square button
with your elbow
at the entrance where you are;
and I’ll release open the glass doors
and then go to the lift on the right
and punch the button with your elbow
and then get in and punch 3
with your elbow
and then when you are up on 3
look for Unit 54
and punch on its button with your elbow
and I’ll open the door”

“OK, easy, grandma…
But why am I punching all these
buttons with my elbow?”

“What?” my grandma screamed.
*“You mean you are coming empty-handed?”

On the hinge of the pin, of reality,trapped
neither out and not in
and the safety is off.

The jumping off point is stuck in my craw,there's no parachute here and what's abundantly clear is,the balancing act is next on the stage,I can gauge a reaction in the reduction of sound where the audience waits and I wish that the ground would open and swallow me whole,like some Jonah, in the gnashing of teeth and the rushing of air,I'm all at sea and wish I wasn't there.
Then I leap
everything's fast,cast away from the pin and the point is I'm in and I stay,
there is a day and it comes when the hourglass,once full of sand runs clear,the day we walk to the end of all contemplation,
the day reality shifts and life's constant abrasions are at last sanded flat and
the day when the rag and bone men come home,only then do I know,how the action of balancing,balanced me,invariably I get lost in these words which I write and the pen seemed so stable,like the pin when the safety is off I'm unable to close or to hold,be brave or be bold and I'm told,
'spit it all out,invective directed and those I suspected were laughing at me and the struggle I'm in are pinned on the wall'
If I fall they go with me,
we all drown as one or we all live to go on.
This battle I'm in on the hinge of the pin is a theme that has run through the slow of my life,quick enough on the uptake but the break if it came,broke away and the game played anew is game two on the show, where the contestants don't know how to play,any day now when the rules become the why and the how that we live,I'll give notice,an intention to quit,
but until then
I shall sit,
balancing,acting a measure while life takes some bit of leisure time out.

There is only one god,
and he is death, for all
Things come to an end.

The old and the new,
everything comes to
Pass. They may be
emortal but even
That will come to an end.

There is only one voice
Heard when all pass
Beyond, that is death
Telling them nothing
Can live forever. Even
Gods and mortals have
A time when there
moment Is to pass, and
death is the only one that
Will judge all no matter
How big or small.

I walk around crazy some say,
but I'm talking to you even
though they cant see you, I
know your right beside me
every moment of every day.

I grip my hand, even though
I cant touch you, we try as your
fingers pass through my palm
I shiver slightly. The cold grip
of death but its your touch that
is felt even if not warm its the
cold shiver shows your trying
come what may.

I see you in the mirror, turn but
you are not there, this existence
is killing me knowing your hear
but not really there. I want to be
with you I want your hand in
mine but as long as I'm here and
your there, are love will be a distance
that I can no longer bare.

I sleep never wishing to wake, I
want to feel you next to me, unable
to do it. To weak as I am living
and I miss you even though your
here it isn't really the same.

I must move on, I still do love
and care, but I can't love a shadow
that isn't really there. I feel you
next to me, I feel your touch when
no one is there, but I will see you
again when my time is up and are
love will continue there.

eloquently spoken
were those most silent of words
their message well heard