the women of the past keep
phoning.
there was another yesterday
arrived from out of
state.
she wanted to see
me.
I told her
"no."

I don't want to see
them,
I won't see them.
it would be
awkward
gruesome and
useless.

I know some people who can
watch the same movie
more than
once.

not me.
once I know the
plot
once I know the
ending
whether it's happy or
unhappy or
just plain
dumb,
then

for me
that movie is
finished
forever
and that's why
I refuse
to let
any of my
old movies play
over and over again
for
years.

it's the same as before
or the other time
or the time before that.
here's a ****
and here's a ****
and here's trouble.

only each time
you think
well now I've learned:
I'll let her do that
and I'll do this,
I no longer want it all,
just some comfort
and some ***
and only a minor
love.

now I'm waiting again
and the years run thin.
I have my radio
and the kitchen walls
are yellow.
I keep dumping bottles
and listening
for footsteps.

I hope that death contains
less than this.

I met a genius on the train
today
about 6 years old,
he sat beside me
and as the train
ran down along the coast
we came to the ocean
and then he looked at me
and said,
it's not pretty.

it was the first time I'd
realized
that.

inside my heart is a hive of 10,000 bees,
buzzing and pouring honey,
sap, through my veins --
thickly, slowly,
in throes of
ecstasy

no stone is colder
than a stone that's left unturned
afraid if we flip it over
we might just get burned

when there is no closure
the heart is only left to yearn
the pain never grows older
but becomes our main concern

I'm sorry that
I do not come with a manual,
a warning.
All I've got is the
"Handle With Care"
stamp, marked on my forehead.
Please forgive me for I tend
to malfunction from
time to time.
I wish it was easy.
When I get so sad that
I cannot leave my bed,
turn to page 37, section B
for care instructions.
But loving me
is not that simple.
I ask that you
proceed with caution,
some parts of me
are still being repaired.

May your eyes never forget
the taste of me-
taken in,
devoured,
in the humid evenings
of late July.

May your lips never forget
the smell of me-
pink skin catching
every glisten of sweat
condensing under
the hot sun.

May your ears never forget
the sight of your name
escaping in a gasp
from my pink lips,
my eyes wide open
never missing a second
of your perfection.