You wanted to pretend I'm a monster
You wanted a reason to leave
You found it and you'll be the only one
I would ever dare love, knowing now
How it feels to lose the only one
I have ever felt connect with my soul
But I knew you - good and bad
And loved you for every facet of each
At the end, when you decided who I was
You told yourself the things you
Clearly needed to hear, to leave
I would never fault you for going
But this is a one way street out, doctor
Losing you once nearly destroyed me
Losing you a second time is something
I realize I could never recover from
You didn't want to stick it through
Thick and thin, nor love me as I am
So, please don't ask how I'm doing now
Don't pretend any part of you still cares
Because I'll hold on to what we had forever
But I know now, I'm not anything to you
I don't regret what happened
Because you helped create who I am today
I'm grateful for every minute we had
Even though I'm still picking up the pieces
Of myself that you've left scattered --
I'll never forget awakening in your lab
Feeling alive for the first time
Realizing I have a heart beat after all
Now I'm left to wander the town
You, the good doctor, have gotten
Everything you wanted from me
I'm your creation, the evil, the ugly
I'm whatever you wanted me to be
But it was only ever you that gave me life

I never saw the larches grow
spent every fall dreaming of snow
you say their needles color-change
each year we grew more estranged

I never saw a red wood sprout
you begged me to remain devout
follow you through dawn and dusk
leave behind an empty husk

I never saw an elm take root
knew youth would not restitute
as crow's feet and lines set in
I thought of what did not begin

I never saw alpine ranges, steep
nor dared venture through oceans deep
never walked through sandy dunes
nor soared through skies in air balloons

for every star I never saw shine
moments spent in the sideline
I vow to make the most of today
before alone, I pass away

buds grow from an empty stem
remind me life's worth living again
tell me my soul won't burn up here
that I won't die without you near
hold out hope once anew
caress the drops of morning dew
seek your pain, seek your thrill
seek the love that could only fill
now in fire, edges crisp to sear
but I'll always hold you ever dear

love, did you know
that every diamond
is made from death
compressed and contorted
transformed into something
just beautiful enough to wear
i was once carbon and oxygen
the weight of the earth on my chest
i'll never be as clear nor brilliant but still
you've worn me just the same
eliminated my multi-faceted edges
polished, a rock as any other
no one would believe i was a gem
i am made of dead things, worn out
eroded through the years
i can't sparkle the way you want me to
can't pretend to shine for only you
throw me back to the earth
i belong with the oceans and mosses
only through an end will i glow

good night, handsome love I've lost
do you remember the name of every star
that has ever shone for you alone?
I know it's silly how we're so old now
that I couldn't recognize the lines of your brow
even if you were somehow still here with me
it's quarter past sleep and the streets are calm
but the world is still ending, I've read
dad used to tell me about the apocalypse
how humans and God will destroy the earth
remind me I've always been a sinner  
never destined for a rapture but yours
though, I hope He never tries to saves me
we all know I'm a mistake
the person who fills an empty gap
but is never made for that space
I sit alone in pitch black in empty cemeteries
reading the names of the tombstones
waiting for the day the letters forming me
appear on the rocks before my eyes
in that night, when you're ready, tell me:
will you wait for me in the abandoned parking lot
by the tipped broken cart at half past dead?
let me fill your space just a little longer.

You were three blocks away
Going to the same destination
But you wouldn't stop
In the cold and rain
Never asked if I needed help
Didn't offer a ride which would've
Saved me 40 minutes of time
And an awkward conversation
With a man who invited me back to his
I considered his offer
Partly out of spite
Partly out of hope
That he would slash my throat
And I wouldn't have to return home
I rubbed my cheeks, suddenly grateful
No one can tell when you've cried in the rain
I guess we've always been three blocks
Apart from one another, you and I