I’m alone again
With the darkness

He seems to be
My only friend

He waits for me
Each night
Trying to get
Inside my head

Most nights he wins
And the black clouds
Begin to fill
My soul

The fog
So thick that
I lose all of
My control

I hear a faint voice
Telling me it’s
All okay

But the other
Things I hear
Are much louder

They say that
I’m worthless
They ask why
I try

They tell me
I’m weak
As I begin
To cry

They ask why
I’m still here
In this world
Full of hate

They tell me to
Leave, escape
this mortal state

Some nights
I want to
Listen to their
Shrieking advice

Other nights
I want to end them
To be free
of their grasp

But they’ve been
Here so long
They are
A part of me now

And the only way
To get them
To leave is
To leave as well

So, this is goodbye
I’m leaving this place

Not sure where
I’ll end up

But I know
That how I feel
Now, lying on the floor

Is worse than
Any hell
On the other side
Of the door

wondering hopelessly
through an unknown place
of tragedy and despair

I cried
and begged
and screamed for help
but nobody was there

the tides
were persistent
and kept
dragging me down

I had fought
for so long
I was tired
and wanting to drown

the end
of the tunnel appeared
a black hole

the future
which was once
so bright
now seems so dull

as I was trudging
along I saw
a bright light

I started to follow it
and watched it
take fight

this light was
higher than me
and out
of my grasp

but it lowered
itself without
me having
to ask

it led me to
a place I did not know

a place where
it seemed
everything had
a perfect glow

the longer the
light stayed
the more faint
it became

I began to fear
that after
meeting me the light
would never be
the same

I took
and took as it
gave and
gave

Now I didn't think
I was the one
who need to
be saved

the light had already
shown me the way
but had become lost
on it's own path

the thought that I
had killed such
a beautiful thing caused
me such
internal wrath

I destroy
what I touch
and I blind
what I see

I wish there
was another person
I could call
me

I found myself on the floor in a gas station bathroom at 2 am trying to find the person I used to be. The last time I was here was when my mother told me that the person who loves me the least will show it with their hands and the girl who broke my heart had bruised every part of me that she touched for 9 months.
I tried putting the razor down I tried to stop drinking I tried to stop taking pills I tried I tried I tried and still couldn't find the self worth that I knew I ******* deserved to stop.
Giving up on yourself isn't easy when you now love a girl who makes the self rot inside your heart bloom with every beautiful flower imaginable. With trembling hands I touched her silhouette and a year later I still can't stop shaking from the impact she left on me. My breath catches in my lungs when she laughs and my lips curl into a smile every time she calls me baby, ridiculously cheesy I know, but I'd be lying if it wasn't real. And that's what we are, we're real and she's here like you never were.
It hurts to be human but I was put on this earth to love, even though I was taught that this love was a sin, so let me give you all of me so I won't throw myself away to societal values and beliefs and let me be me for once.
I have so much of me to give and I'm afraid if you leave that there will be nothing left, that my name will be whispered under your breath like you were ashamed to have ever loved a natural disaster. And just like a natural disaster, I destroy everything in my path, I've hurt others because the pieces of me that used to care were taken by others and now I just don't give a ****. While destroying others I destroyed myself trying to find the peace of mind I used to have before my dad left and before my grandma died and before I knew I loved everyone a little too deeply and before I found relief in straight lines and bruises and emptiness and it's all too ******* much for someone my age to be dealing with and I'm searching for my escape in the bathroom at a gas station at 2 am.

I can count on my fingers the boys with rough hands traveling up my skirt with their tongues down my throat that only knew how to destroy girls. I can close my eyes and see the girls with soft skin that smelt of cheap wine that spoke the sweetest words to me, but only wanted me as their secret or play toy.
I have started to self destruct, beating my fists on walls until they turn black and blue because I can no longer stand on my own with with these hollow bones and broken lungs.
I try and not think of you when the chorus picks up in that song or when the sun kisses the sky goodnight before it sleeps or when I'm staring at the bottom of the bottle but you're there you're there you're there
and there have been pills and pills and pills prescribed for my failing heart, but I've been smoking my cigarettes not giving a **** about the bomb about to go off inside me. My skin has become tighter around my chest, counting ribs like the days you'd told me you'd stay.
I fell for you again but I am always the other girl I am second I am last I am nothing
I find love in straight lines and giving away the parts of me that should only be for you or for me but my body is not a temple and you are not going to worship it, so why should I?
My first meal in weeks was a bottle of my moms prozac and I found myself behind the wheel driving past the bus stop where you first told me you loved me, not realizing what those three words meant to me. Why my foot pressed down on the gas and why I turned down your street will always make me question my sanity, but I closed my eyes until I heard sirens and your voice whispering my name.
I miss the comfort in your voice, but if you look at the moon and think of her too, leave me at the side of the road like so many before have because I am tired of being the other girl and I am tired of feeling trapped in three words that mean far too much to me.