sometimes i wish on a star that never shot through the sky.
sometimes i wish i’d die..
other times i love life.
i am crazy..
no one can help no one dares to get close to me.
it’s too dangerous they say
as if i’d bite them feed on their insides until
they whisper their goodbyes.
i cant even think straight half of the time filled with toxicated poison
i wouldn't hurt them i'm not like him.
he hurt me until my insides were flipped.
until i was making things up in my head that i thought were true.
id whisper things in people's ears that they didn't understand..
they’d look at me as if i were a piece of fresh meat.
i was.
until they beat me rotted me out.
now im dead.
cold as a stone that hasn't been touched in decades.
im hurt.
and alone.

i wonder what you're thinking.
who you are thinking of.
when youll say you love me again.
i wonder if you mean it when you say it.
do you?
when you kiss me it feels real.
when your muscular arms wrap around my waist i can feel your heart beating on my back.
do you love me?
you say you do?
but, then you go away for along time without any goodbyes.
i wish i could tell you how i feel.
how i felt when you kissed my neck and whispered in my ear that you loved me.
you take me out so far then you leave me alone.
scared.
hurt.
confused.
what is this.
a game to you.
i love you.
but i don't think you love me.

I wish i knew how to explain..
how much i happen to love you
but, it’s not worth it..
because you cant happen to love me back..
but, i can’t force myself to stop loving you..
its not like that i wish it was tough,
its save me a lot of pain,
torture,
hurt.
and heartbreak.
but, ill go on loving you my dear while you look into her eyes and say that they’re beautiful like you’ve told me before many times actually.
i’ll still be loving you while you caress her with your great love.
i’ll still be loving you as you place that silver ring on her finger.
ill sit here and stare out this empty room into a mirror and think what could i of possibly done.
was it my hair?
the way my lips are in a thin line?
my high cheek bones?
ill sit here and look in this mirror until you come back to me my dear.
i will sit here telling myself that i lost you because of what ive done even though i don’t know what i did to make you run away.
i love you.
love hurts.
i got shot by your bullet and i’m afraid to take the bullet you shot at me out of my heart.

I would like to die.
Wait…
let me rephrase that
I am dieing
slowly
painfully
in my own guilt
I’ve never really felt happiness
just sorrow and pain
and a pinch of guiltiness
I know how to swim but not as well as my demons do..
if you know what that means
you can only understand
truly if you’ve been through what i’ve been through.
I’m dying and i’m happy while  dying
I like to be in pain.
Is that insane?
yeah it is.
oh well does it look like I really care?
I hope not because I really dont give a ****.
I like dying
I know i don’t look happy but thats ok i’ll only be here for a little longer

I would like to die.
Wait…
let me rephrase that
I am dieing
slowly
painfully
in my own guilt
I’ve never really felt happiness
just sorrow and pain
and a pinch of guiltiness
I know how to swim but not as well as my demons do..
if you know what that means
you can only understand
truly if you’ve been through what i’ve been through.
I’m dying and i’m happy while  dying
I like to be in pain.
Is that insane?
yeah it is.
oh well does it look like I really care?
I hope not because I really dont give a ****.
I like dying
I know i don’t look happy but thats ok i’ll only be here for a little longer

I try to be that girl who is strong.
Who doesn't give a **** about what people think or say about her.
The girl who doesn't cry.
Who isn't afraid of being alive.
I may be strong but I
do give a **** about what other people say or think,
I cry just not in front of anyone but my closest friend the devil,
Im scared of being alive,I kinda wanna die,
im afraid of living my life.
IM INSANE.
CRAZY.
******.
A LUNATIC.
I would love to just die...go away and never come back step over the line and disappear like i'm meant to.
Why not now?
MAYBE ITS TIME.
IT is.
Goodbye.

Im done.
with life,
the world,
people who are fake as can be,
Im done with me,
myself.and I.
Done with the tension to do something right for once in my life.
The only thing right to do is go ahead and **** myself.
Everyone will be happier.
They won't have to see my miserable face,or the unhappy looks,they won't have to say hey just to make me feel like someone actually recognizes me when no one really does.
Im done
with the pity looks i get from people who don't even know what pity is.
Thats okay there virgins to the world only knowing the good,only faces the good.no bad in their lives thats good,okay,great for them but,one day they’ll wake up see whats really out there.
Flesh being torn apart,screaming,crying,****** tears.
then they’ll want to die step in front of a train that's passing by.
Its okay they’ll learn and then want to die but,if you stay a ****** to the world with no pity,no cries,no screaming,no one dies.
my world is much different always will be you might not be a ****** to the world but compared to me you are and you're lucky.
Because i’m dead never have been alive..always dead,never gonna be alive.