i knew
you were dating
so why did i
start to cry
when i saw
the picture
on her instagram?

i just want
to be loved
in the most
simple way.
i want somebody
who will
send me
goodnight
and good morning texts.
somebody who
kisses me
on the forehead.
somebody who
lends me
their sweatshirt
when i am cold.
somebody who calls
to check in
on me
during thunderstorms
because they know
i get scared.
somebody who
whispers i love you.
i just want somebody.

don't rely
on your
beauty
or your
muscles
or your
popularity
because when
you're older
and you're walking
down the street
people won't see you
as a young
beautiful man
or woman.
they will see you
as an old man
or woman
so treasure your heart
and treasure your mind
and never
let them go.

we sat
on the side
of the highway,
our legs dangling
over the edge.
it was 2 am,
and the glow
from your cigarette
lit up
your face.
the ash caught
in your
eyelashes
and when you
looked at me,
your eyes
were the
brightest
shade of green
i'd ever seen.
"babe,"
you mumbled,
your voice sending
shivers down
my spine.
"you look
so **** beautiful
under the stars."
i looked up
into your
green glass eyes,
and you dropped
your cigarette,
crushing it
with the toe
of your
black vans,
then tilted
my head back
and kissed me.
i tasted
the smoke
on your tongue.
you led me
into the forest
on the side
of the road,
and hidden
by the trees,
you slid off
my shirt
just as it
began to drizzle.
your fingertips
grazed
my rib cage
and you felt
my pounding heart,
so full of love.
so much love.
i gave you
my most sacred
gift that night
(love with
a capital v)
and i pray
that you'll
keep me.

10:15
you said
you don't want
a relationship
right now
but were you
reminding me
or yourself?
10:36
do you ever
look at your phone
and smile
to yourself
when my name
pops up
on your screen?
don't i ever
cross your mind
when it's 11:00
and you're driving
alone,
the moonlight
casting a glow
on the
empty passenger seat?
11:11
are you
closing your eyes
and wishing
that thoughts of you
are on my mind?
12:47
of course
not.
1:03
who would?

you gave me
an orange rose
(red ones
are too cliche)
and i pressed it
between the pages
of my bible
because i thought
it would also
preserve our love
but just like
the rose
it dried up
and turned brown
and crumbled
between my fingers
so i took
the flower dust
and locked it
in the jewelry box
you gave me
for our anniversary
but you
were already
too far gone.
i tried
tracing my finger
along the map,
trying to find you,
even just a glimpse.

i never did find you.

i found
the old jewelry box
you gave me
for our anniversary.
the one with
the crumbled
rose petals.
i opened it up
and watched
your ghost
dance around
my room.
"sorry i never called."
you told me.
"i'm dead."