These **** bottles of pills.
What kind of person have you made me?
When I take these little pills.
It’s only to alter some brain chemistry.

Lately it seems as if they are making me mad.
Quickly destroying all that I have.
These **** bottles of pills,
Yell out from the shelf.
“Please take me I’m here for your mental health”.
The problem with these **** little pills,
Is are they causing a problem, not letting me be free.

Tuning me into a mess, and not letting me be me.
This plastic facud I place on everyday.
Let’s me fake out everyone, Like,
“look she’s okay”.
Really though am I?
Have you seen this whack?

I’ve become obsessive, angry, and an emotional train wreck.
It’s taken over my sweet little brain.
Makes me feel as if I’m insane.

“Take this pill for your anxiety, even though it says depression”
“Oh and take this one, it will help you focus.”
“But keep in mind it also keys you up so your anxiety may be running little a muck.”
“Oh and don’t forget these pills they will settle you down, help you not have another run of the mill panic attack.”

Lets be real for a minute, let me ask you a question, how do you know that?
Only I know the real me and the one whos mind is off track.
Sometimes I feel like these pills are making me lose all control.
Like I have no say in what my brain tells these idle hands to hold.

I just jump in headfirst and keep diving in,
Not thinking of others’ hearts and what I might do to them.
Moral of the story is: Stop blaming the bottle of pills.
Keep control of yourself; don’t let yourself falter.
Find other things to occupy your brain rather than laying your pills on the altar.
Don’t worship the pills like it’s the only way out.

You are the person you were meant to be.
Let’s take away this mental health stigma and stand up for yourself.
I promise you’re really not crazy.
We all suffer from some type of mental health issue; you are not lazy.

She's always in her mind,
looking for things she can never find.
She's chasing crazy dreams and wishes.
She's always chasing ***** dishes.
She's always in her mind,
looking for love she left behind.
She's always overthinking every situation,
causing her to wander to higher elevations.
She's always in her mind,
running from troublesome thoughts on the carousel you wind.
She's a worrier, always expecting the worst.
Why did she ever think of these troublesome thoughts at first?
She's always in her mind,
always working and on the grind.
She has to finish what she starts.
When she doesn't, she feels she shatters beautiful art.
She's always in her mind,
looking for ways she can always be kind.
She feels she's doing something sweet
when she gives loved ones things she finds neat.
She's always in her mind,
feeling as if she's leaving people behind,
she stresses over how others feel.
It makes her upset, almost ill.
She's always in her mind,
almost as if she feels confined, like a person locked in a room,
like she's chained and faces an uncertain doom.
She's always in her mind,
almost as if she were dressed up and disguised; she puts on a mask to show off a smile. Sometimes it's something you haven't seen for a while.
She's always in her mind,
Maybe it's what she was prescribed.
She sometimes feels crazy and she doesn't fit in.
But boy does she love when she's pulled into them.
She's always in her mind a scary place to be, but if she weren't in her mind, she wouldn't be.

Powdered concrete broken down,
Rocks show on the barren ground.
Tiny particles of dust and sand,
The dirt is rich in this poor land.
But you see a **** poke from a crack—
That's just a sign of beauty, new growth pushing concrete back.
The **** bares a sight of simple charm,
The sweetest daisy, growing strong, green leaves for arms.
The beauty this daisy possesses shows such grace;
It shines upon her yellow florets, her face.
What beauty comes from something walked on,
Something that's kicked and never looked upon!
This beautiful daisy, not only a new birth from the ground,
Shows signs of a new beginning and joy all around.

From here to you I say
Writing is your healing,
Never let it get away.

Stars upon which I gaze from here on Earth,
Each one special, formed in space in its "solar birth."
When I look up to find my "special star,"
In one swift scan, I see you shining so bright, yet so far.
It's hard to find you sometimes with other stars shooting by so fast.
If I could just grab you and keep you, my "special star" in a jar so you could last.
Oh, if I could just hold you right here in this jar made of glass...
I can never touch you by hand, as you're a giant ball of gas.
But if I were to keep you sitting high on a mantle,
My "special star" would be like a trophy in a fine case, only for my hands to handle.
My "special star" is a treasure, so
If you take it from me and then let it go,
My heart would shatter like glass,
My heart would disappear like vapor,
If my "special star" is taken from me, then my constellation would not be complete.
My constellation wouldn't home my "special star" that completes the entirety of me.

Leanne 11/15/24 updated 12/3/24

I still remember you, the fragment of you in my mind. Still laughing, still loving me. Our hearts still beating at the same pace. I have done wrong upon you. But please, remember my promise, my unconditional love. Still, boundless. My love.

Words have been left unspoken, like blank pages in a book.
I keep flipping through the pages, to take another look.
I find the words unwritten; they've never stained the page.
It's only you who can see them, only you know this silent rage.
The years that have been passing, fleeting swiftly by,
Our words left unspoken from our mouths, have been spoken through our eyes.
No one knows the magnitude the unspoken has been to bare.
It's crazy to believe there was another one out there who truly cared.
The unspoken words we've hidden deep inside our hearts,
This has made such an impact on me, as you've been the vital part.
In the silence of the unspoken, you still show that you care.
The brush of your hand, a smile, a gentle hug lets me know you're still there.
This unspoken that's always flowing, yet not heard or seen,
We both know the unspoken is there, but never speak of what it means.
In the quiet, our unspoken waits, never asking or never loud.
Our unspoken is strong and steady, even when the unspoken's not allowed.

If you're wondering where to find me, wondering where my soul went to
My soul is sitting right beside you its wondering what you've been up to
Even in the distance, near deep waters of the sea
My soul is always there for you. I hope you look for me.
If you look into the night sky and question where I am.
It's me, I'm the brightest star, shining down upon the land.
Even in the daytime, when the Sun is oh, so bright.
It's my soul that's behind it, helping spread its wondrous light.
If you keep wondering where to find me even when I'm near.
Don't worry, I'm right beside you.
I'll never leave your side don't fear.

-Leanne
-11-14-2024

Racing thoughts, uncontrollable thoughts at that, second guessing, stress, feeling maybe to obsessed.
This is what you do to me

**** you Anxiety

Sweaty palms ,heart beating fast, hyperventilating, lips turn to blue, air feels cut off
What do I need to do?

**** you Anxiety

It looks ok from the outer view but deep inside stomachs turning, I break a sweat, feels like all eyes are opened they are studying me.

**** you Anxiety

Take your meds! Did you take your meds? call your doctor that's what he says, it's not the problem cant you see nothing helps

**** you Anxiety

I wonder how normal feels? You mean you don't get flushed? your heart doesn't ache, your whole body doesn't shake?

**** you Anxiety

I guess it just me, this is who I am ,
some pitiful stricken Anxiety lamb.

**** you Anxiety

"Don't drink your calories—
unless you want to get drunk."

Her eyes trembled with tears

Weakness stretches out,
not searching strength—
for another soul to be
weak with

A heavy languor spilled into the room
all she can think about
is the patterned ceiling,
which was a book for her to read
while entwined in damp blue sheets