I don't get butterflies when I see you
My heart doesn't skip a beat
I don't smile and fumble for words
I don't get red or flushed with heat

But your nasally laugh is a sweet choir
That brings comforting smiles
I would love to say I'm just a silly girl
When I confess that for you; I would walk a million miles

The way your arms feel
around my waist
I can't describe it; the words don't exist
But in those few seconds I am happy

I don't know if I love you
I don't think I do
I don't want to love you
but I need you to breathe

You love me
I know you do
But that love is for brothers and sisters
sad, yes
but true

There are two persons
who grew inside of me
Both of who I'm certain
Will never ever agree

One could grant me guarantee
One could chase away the anger
I wish they could sit and have tea
Find some way they could both keep me anchor

Oh how I love the passion, the fire and the hate
The relief of being who I was meant
The feeling of superiority that's simply great
I just adore being sound and kept but bad and bent

But a human portion knows I am distracted
And strains to help
This person who can pull me out of reaction
call out in screams and yelps

I love both
But their voices overlap
They stunt me from growth
but all the same fill an empty gap

Could it be possible to save each one?
Could I function with two?
I know neither and I know none.
but from the cardinal I love you

And hate you too.

The words that once held me together
An adhesive of the strongest kind
Now as delicate as a single feather
has left me crumbling, all heart and mind

Their once soft voice has mutated to a raspy scream
Their lovely home is nothing but a painful prison cell
My thin fabric is now a popping seam
From my mountain-top journey; I fell

Always a physical deformity to blame
"It's your glasses, It's the stress, It's the weight"
But the dizzy spells and the migraines are not from where they claim
And some of this anguish is arriving a bit late

I can feel the water filling my lungs
I can feel the iron fingers closing around my throat
I can hear my friends, only they speak in tongues
I can smell the smoke of the burning words I wrote

Nothing is familiar and everything is vague
I can feel my head slipping
into this virus that's worse than the plague
The reason that I have spilled is slowly dripping

I have ceased

Too prideful to hate
Too heavy to love
Too gifted to hope
This curse form above

The voices they shout
One from in one from out
"Too strong to cry, stand up, don't pout!"
but somewhere inside there's a creeping doubt

Prideful, unapologetic, invincible and high
Isn't this what I want in life?
But there are other things, I cannot lie
Sensitivity, humanity, sympathy, to be rid of strife

Water and oil
They wont mix
but choosing one may spoil
The rest of my life, beyond fix.

When all the music is only noise
When the words on a page mean nothing
When the content of my own thoughts are pointless
When the voices of loved ones are just bothersome

That's when I know
That's how I see
A low that's lower than low
Is the one place where there is no such thing as "we"

And then in a moment I can see
She toys with me
But its not an eye opening moment of dramatic realization

because I've always known

Oh that silly Life, she
Making people want to die for no reason
I just love her humor