who am I suppose to be?
what did I do to deserve this?
lost childhood do to your hands.
you came into my bedroom, full intentions
to cause destruction.
why did you choose me?
a seven year old
who dressed in pink and wore flower crowns?
I guess your were a monster who fed
off the pain.
three years.
I suffered for three years.
you don't care, you never did.
I use to call you family.
but now you are just Anthony.

I do not understand why my mother cries at night
I do not understand why my father is disappointed
I do not understand why he hurt me
I do not understand this numbing feeling
I do not understand the scars littered across my skin.
I do not understand this fear.
do I understand? no,
I may never understand why
I feel this way or why my family
is torn apart.
I do not understand. cant you see?
I do not have a reason to be confused.
I should understand.
I cant understand.
make me understand.

The crackling of fire
And the soothing hissing of wind.

I was craving the touch of your skin
The warm breath I feel when you whisper sweet nothingness into my ears.

I see you in everything, on the streets, in the stores. Expecially in my head.

Your voice echos throughout my mind, keeping me up at night. I almost think your actually here.

I make myself think I feel your presence.
I'm craving you.
Your face
Your eyes
Your breathe.

It's killing me.

I feel no pain.
No not physical pain.
But emotional.

I've been hurt and lied to so many time's that I dont feel it anymore.

I just expect **** to happen.
I don't expect to feel happy.

I just feel numb.

It's sad really. I want the numbness to leave, to actually feel something. I can only really do that through hurting myself.

I just feel numb.
I'm drowning. But not in water, in depression.
But it just leaves me numb.

I don't feel pain.
Not physical pain
But emotional pain.

As the screams grew, the hope decreased.
As the pain ranged throughout her body, the need failed to leave.
The endless crying, the love that's dying.
She never felt so alone, but did they hear.
No.
The yelling became to much, her hope ceased to exist.

The pain became to much and the need overwhelmed her. But did they know, no. Because no one stopped to listening to the crying daughter upstairs. To stop her when her hands shaking wild, body heaving, and the trigger on her head.

But then the yelling stopped.
The pain stopped.
The need stopped.
The loneliness stopped.
It all stopped...

But there laid her lifeless body, for if they listened they could of stopped the trigger from being pulled.