I don't have a best friend
Not to be mistaken with having no friends
I do have some friends
But I have to the conclusion that they aren't trustworthy
Instead,  they are rather demanding
They have seen me laugh
and be funny
Talk about silly mistakes
and how others make me feel
They know that I don't have anyone in my life
and my unwillingness to dance
What they don't know
is that every day I fight
with myself
Not with scratches, blades and pins
But with my soul within
They don't know what I have been through
They have never seen the bruises still blue

They don't know
They just assume
They are not there when I am begging to up above
They are not there when I need a little love
They are not there when I have been crying for hours
They are not there when I feel like dying in the shower

Gossips and lame stuff is what they share
I continue to listen while the music continues to blare
There were many
who became my best friends over the years
Losing touch with them is what I feared
Then that's what happened
Sooner or later they forgot me
Phone calls became rarer
and Facebook our home.

Till today,  I stand without a best friend
Because I know I am whole
I am a winner
who stands alone.

Do you remember those blues?
That early twenties something:
revolt against the people that
you are growing up to become.
Do you remember the music
we played to keep us company
in those nights without purpose,
in those days spent drunk and
saluting the sun upon its demise?
Do you remember the letters
of sadness we sent back and forth,
relaying uncertainty in our little
sink-hole of neurosis and boredom?
I wonder when that stopped.
I wonder if I miss it sometimes.
Do you?