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Jay Sep 2018
I don’t want to love anybody. But you make it hard.
I’m always
Walls so tall i hardly remember what’s underneath
But little by little, I’m cracking apart
If I could tell you what I want to say
When i cut my words off at the tongue

It would sound like

I don’t want to write love poems anymore. But you make it hard.
My fingers itch to find the words my mouth cannot;
if I could tell you the things I think
When that crooked smile turns me into Sunlight

It would sound like

I don’t want to feel anything. But you make it hard.
Even on my emptiest days I can’t help

That painful trembling in my chest
That anticipates your touch,
And oh, if you knew the golden, honeyed heat
That spreads through me each time we meet

It would sound like
A little prayer
A little wish
For you to love me too.
I just wish I could tell you how I feel.
Jay Sep 2018
I want to rot
Iike dry-bone roses
leaf litter
tread on me
til I return
to dirt

my purpose is rot.
Jay Sep 2018
The rain hangs pregnant in the air
I pray the storm down on my skin

Wind whips like vine into my eyes
Grass shivers, dancing to the time
Of the downpour to come.

"Wash away that day, those tears-"
I beg- the sky obliges, wild
With thunder, shattering and white;

Lightning sends forked tongues screaming down
To kiss the earth he’s missed so long.

The heavens, sudden rip apart
Down comes a sea in hues blue-grey

Great awful shadows dance above
Shrouded in banks of mist and haze

I close my eyes and waterfalls
To bring life back in to me.

I shriek and the sound of my joy
Is swallowed by the clouds

A song the rain sings back to me
Raised to the heavens tenfold.

I really like rain ****
Jay Sep 2018
I felt warm in your arms.
Your breath brushed mine
Like a lullaby
I stared up at a strange ceiling
But I'd never felt more
At home
The nightmares howled at the windows
But they couldn't get in.
I was safe

Steady eyes kept me grounded
Your lips were
Pillow-soft against my smile
Sweet, tracing sun-speckled skin
I wish I had held you closer.
I wish I could have told you
That for the first time in a long time
I slept whole
I slept well
And dreamed
Of you
I wish I could have loved you longer.
Jay Sep 2018
I lay my head in your lap and you play
With the little hairs at the back of my neck
Cool room
Warm skin
Cool sheets
Warm breath

The air tastes like you
And me
And us kind of

There’s food in the fridge
And plants on the windowsill
And my clothes wrapped up in yours
And maybe a baby one day
But not yet

For now
I lay my head in your lap
And you play with my hair
And everything is okay
A dream I had.
Jay Sep 2018
Loving you is like smoking cigarettes
I’m addicted to death’s caress
Smoothing down my lungs
Cold nicotine like morphine
Cold lips consume me
You’re killing me and I’m *******
You left cigarette burns on me when you left You lit me on fire
Then cast me away
Without a thought
How many times will I kiss you again? Your mouth tastes like sweet
Am I good for you?
I just want to be good for you.
You sink beneath my skin
You stain
You rot
And yet you pull me back each time
Are you the Devil come hot from hell?
Or a rain soaked cigarette
Clasped between my shaky, clammy fingers I burn myself with the lighter
And breathe in anyway
I fell too far and broke my heart.

— The End —