Alyssa Gregory

Alyssa Gregory May 2020

Was I just the girl who wore too slutty clothes? Was I just an easy target? Was it my fault you did this? What did you do to me? Maybe I should thank you. Maybe it was fate. I want to try and battle my thoughts and question, but it all comes back to that car and pain. I think I figured it was because I was young, dumb, easy, and slutty. In reality, it was your fault. You chose to put your hands on a small fragile minor. You decided to put your fingers inside of a small innocent being. You had those nasty thoughts and ideas. You made the choice. You should have been in the correct state of mind to not touch, feel, and hurt a small child. Maybe it is my fault. I let you do it without knowing better or fighting back. Maybe I should be able to go places without flashbacks of you feeling me up and breaking down in a bathroom. Or be able to walk down the road without having pepper spray in my purse. Maybe I should thank you for what you did to me. You made me grow up and soon ruin my life with stupid habits. Having an addiction to *** and trying to act thrice my age. Maybe I was the stupid one and I should be the one in jail. Maybe one day you'll think back and regret it. I think maybe you should rot and rot and rot until one day you see the meanest man you'll ever see. This is for you. You know who you are. I hope one day I will have the guts to sit in front of you and tell you everything I want to say. All I do is hurt good people now. You broke me. This is my farewell to you, you will never be able to find me or relatively be able to fix what you've done to me.

This is a message for him.

#sexualabuse

Alyssa Gregory Feb 2020

I am the sun.

I am Home. The smell of baked goods and candles. The laughter around a bonfire and large family get-togethers. Drama lingers from past heartbreak and trouble. Dead silent in the dawn, and slowly gets louder until the next dusk. Light. The light of people and pets.

I am Trauma. The sting of pain and worthlessness. The thought of maybe it’s not worth it anymore. The abuse. The pain. The lingering sting of tears, hands on my throat, fingers digging into skin. The ****** abuse just gave inspiration to grow from.

I am Love. I fall in love quickly and deeply. The love I got from my mother, my grandparents, and friends. This showed me how to fall in love from nothingness to every single thing about a person. Love must not be perished or put out. Love teaches me how to grow every day.

I am knowledgeable. I am the books upon the dresser of my room. I learn from others and myself. I show others how to learn to become strong. I’ve learned not to drown myself in guilt from books upon books of other people's troubles. I may be knowledgeable but I’m not the epitome of knowledge.

I am the Sun. Everyone around me is like a planet in my solar system. Nobody can be the sun except myself. If I were to burn out, I would hurt others and end the solar system. Therefore, I am the sun of my own solar system.
I am Pain. I am Suffering. I am Happy. I am Young. I am Wild. I AM MYSELF. I AM A SURVIVOR.

wrote this for english

#greys #sun #happy #molestation #****** #abuse

Alyssa Gregory Sep 2019

Change

Change
       Comes
                And
                      Goes
                            Thoughts
                                           Stay
                                                   And
                                                          Hurt
                                                                  You

Alyssa Gregory Sep 2019

Untitled

She wishes she had the guts to tell him... The love she has for him is strong. He is being cheated on by her "friend" people know. She does not want to tell him and him think she just wants to cause drama. The thing that made her cry herself to sleep multiple nights, the reason she had panic attacks in the school bathroom, the reason she used to smile so brightly and it was not fake. He left her claiming he was not ready and ended up with someone she was very close with at a point in time. She wishes he could realize he broke her. He told her he would die without her and then he tried. He said it was a lie but she could see behind his white lie. It broke her very much when she found out her "friend" was cheating on him. She kept the teddy bear he gave her for memories. She cried into it when he left and it makes her cry to see it. And it breaks her when she realized he is not ever going to come back.

The teddy bear was burned, the lies stayed, the thoughts made her realize shes better off alone.

Alyssa Gregory May 2019

His lies broke her.

She took the boy in the bubble; who wanted to be a good boyfriend. The girl took the only source of happiness she had. He helped her from her molestation to the old scars on her wrists. The girl gets questions about why he would leave her if she was what he wanted; she replies with 'he wants me, he just could not go without ***' he begged her for their relationship to be the same. She returns to being cold and heartless to everybody. She looks at herself in the mirror and notices her stretch marks, her flabby stomach, her fat thighs, and more. He told her she was beautiful, gorgeous, and other sweet nothings. She misses him and he only thought of her after he broke her. That's the thing with high school relationships; they never work out unless you are a ***** that sleeps with any guy she sees. From the time the girl in the bubble met the boy; there was a spark. The spark was large, from the time they met, they always could talk about anything and everything. It was a beautiful love story until it became tragic and full of lies. She knew there would at least something that would happen even if it was heartbreak. But that's how the story goes on.

#heartbreak #cutting

Alyssa Gregory Apr 2019

Change

Learning to grow up is hard, mostly when you lose yourself in a dark place. You learn to grow up when you lose someone close to you or when something clicks in your mind that you can not get something you need anymore. The more pressure you have on yourself, the more change that happens. Embrace the change, do not bring the past with you. Move on, evolve, change and become a better you. No matter what happens now, most of the pressure on you now will press you into a beautiful person. Mistakes may be made but it will only be in the past. Nothing matters as much as your life to yourself.

:) changing for the better

#change

Alyssa Gregory Mar 2019

Cigarette addictions

I got high off your memory... I got a cigarette addiction from your marks left in my mind... I still have pictures that remind me of you and movies I can't watch without crying... I am over you but I still can't help but think what if you never left me broken and scared.

oof