my heart pulses to the beat
of the low fire burning in my chest

it's taken months to stoke this flame
and yet still it is little more than heated stones

through rain and wind i fought
               my arms and soul are weary
but the fight won't be taken from me yet

pour the gold of your heart over mine,
shining rivulets filling up the cracks
left by other burdens
of another time

a trade:
id offer you warmth
and the iron in my blood
to keep you strong through it all

it was with love too
                        sudden
                             too
                               new
                           too
                    shiny
that a heart
sudden heavy
felt as a curse:
something
to fear & mourn

but
acceptance
rang
through the ranks
as a war cry:

bright
and queer
and pure
and he —

who knew
      my pieces
and just
      how they
all
fit
together

— spoke:
       “ a heart is indeed a heavy burden -
          but we can surely offer you a hand. “

i want
to hold your hand
to kiss your face
to tell you you're beautiful

i want
to take you to an art museum
to use cheesy pickup lines
to laugh with you

i want
to get coffee with you
to feel the chill of autumn
to offer you my scarf

i want
to take you out to the desert
to trace the stars in the sky
to trace the stars on your skin

i came to you
bright eyed and hopeful
looking to a future that you could never see

//

i leave you now
with my heart more steady
to find the future in myself instead of other people

happiness is
a living being
a fragile thing
i hold so gently

some days it gets sick
some days it breaks
some days it gets lost

if i don't
have
the
tools
to put it back together

i will find them
in the little things