Because the last time I loved you, you shattered my heart into millions of pieces. There were so many, I stopped trying to collect them. Instead, I swept the jagged pieces away, burning them to ashes, hoping, praying over the fire a new one would eventually grow.

It's sad,
How I can only get the words
'I Love You'
When I'm not sober,
But badly drunk.
And you end up thinking,
I don't.
And I try so hard,
To tell you,
But fate thinks otherwise.

It's so frustrating,
When I can reach you,
You aren't around,
But when I can't reach you,
You're begging for my attention.

Mama, it hurts to breath him in now.*
I think it's the intoxicating smell of all the wrong choices he made following him everywhere he goes.

Mama, it burns whenever I touch him.
He scorches me with his fierce speech, a tongue of fire every time he speaks to me, but with words never truly meant for me.

Mama, it deafens me whenever I hear him.
His voice is raspy from all his problems he tries to smoke away, turning his lungs into ashes with all the bad herbs he puffs away.

Mama, it blinds me whenever I see him.
His sad self wasting precious life away, in the depths of despair.

Mama, I want to cry for him. He hurts so much and I cannot even reach out a hand to help him without poisoning myself with his deadly words. Loving him is excruciatingly painful because he has no love left for me.

Mama, I can't leave him.
Even if he doesn't show it I know if I were to leave he'd suffer tremendously. He's so fragile behind the armored wall he put up against anyone.

Mama, I know you think I'm making a mistake
But I bare with the pain if it can make him okay again.

I'm the only one he lets his walls down for.

Mama,
You ask how? Why?

Well, if he didn't, he wouldn't have asked me to stay longer.

Why?
I guess he needs me as much as I need him.

Sometimes I wonder what would've happened if the universe was in your hands.
I know you'd be able to control everything- have it all your own way, as you please.
But I also know you'd shove the world between us, giving us an infinite amount of space no one could imagine. In my heart I'd have the meteors creating black holes.
In your eyes you'd have the stars making a whole new galaxy that doesnt consist of me.
So, really, even in a possibility as such,
Nothing would have changed.
You'd still have left me for her.

I stared at the girl before me. The voices in my head from the years before were echoing inside.

You are so smart. I wish I could have a mind like yours
You are talented. The words you write on the page are gold.
I know you will do so great one day.

The girl they talked about was someone I couldn’t recognize.

I touched my face and the girl in front of me touched hers. My fingers traced down to my lips where a smile usually sat. I tried to curve  them but it hurt, so I let them fall into a grim line.

Much better.

I felt the tingles as my hand reached my eyes and the girl had bags under hers. I caught a glimpse of something shimmering in her eyes; tears. Why was she crying?

My cheeks are wet.

I stared at her face and saw the pale skin that clung to her bones. She looked like she could be healthier.  Be happier. I wanted to make her happier.

But what is there to be happy about?

I couldn’t recognize the girl in the mirror. I didn’t know who she was. My eyes focused on her until her face became disoriented and blurred. I blinked and could only see a mess of her.
A mess of me.
My hands fell limp to my side as I watched us cry together. She didn’t reach out to me. I didn’t reach out to her. I didn’t want to know her. I didn’t want to know me.

The girl everyone talked about, the girl in the mirror and the girl who I thought I was had nothing in common. They stood out. For better and for worse. No one knew who the real me was. I don’t know who the real me is. I feel like if I did it would make even less sense to me. I’m not smart. I’m not talented. Who was that girl in their heads? She was not me. She can’t be.
Why did the girl in the mirror have to resemble me? Why was my reflection the scariest thing I’ve ever seen?
Why did she make more sense to me than the girl in everyone else minds?

She was hurting. She was broken.

*Am I broken?

That moment when your realize,
You've taken a step too far,
You can't take it back,
You're ruined forever.

I see you,
Confusion written all over your face.
Like you don't know where you are,
Why you're here.

I figure you can't see me.
So I wave,
Run up to you
Then wrap my arms around you.

Do you know I've missed you?
I've run out of tissues so many times,
For crying so long.
But you're here now.

I counted the minutes,
Hours, days, Years 
Until this moment,
I'm so happy.

You don't wrap your arms around me,
But I guess you haven't seen my face yet.
I pull away, centimeters apart,
And hope you recognize me.

Your features haven't changed,
You're as beautiful as you left.
Those hazel eyes,
That amazing smile.

I missed those nights we had,
Now I sleep alone.
But I'm glad you came back,
Life would return to normal.

You still don't understand,
Why I'm in front of you,
But now I'm confused,
Have you forgotten?

You couldn't have.
All those messages,
Those calls,
 My texts.

Don't you remember,
When you would lift me up,
Carry me to safety,
And hug me, reassuring me?

Don't you remember,
When I would lie in your lap,
Telling you stories,
While you stroked my hair?

Don't you remember,
How you teased me,
Making me angry,
But kissing me afterwards?

Don't you remember,
When I would play my guitar,
You would hold me,
And we would sing together?

Don't you remember,
When I would curl up next to you,
Head on your chest,
While you whispered your love for me.

I read your eyes,
As I tell you everything.
But I can see.
You don't remember 
There was never a 'me', after you left.

You don't need to explain,
I can see,
You fell in love immediately,
Forgetting what we had. 

I push you away,
And I see the recognition in you face.
You only realize now, do you?
You were so caught up, hey?

I walk away,
Hearing you scream my name,
But I know you never loved me,
I am so ashamed.

I fell for it,
Like everyone else.
There never was a 'us'.
There never was a 'me'.

I can hear you,
Running after me,
But all I wish to hear,
Are my raging tears.

I am such an idiot,
For believing you cared.
But you were so kind,
So amazing.

So was it all for fun?
Did you just want to play with my feelings?
Or did you love me,
But moved on when you left?

You said you won't forget,
You said you would care,
You said you will always remember,
Said you'd always come back.

But I guess,
More things were said,
Than ever done.

You grab me by the waist,
And try to explain.
But I break free from your grasp,
Like I broke free from your lies.

I wasted precious time,
Thinking you still loved me,
But I guess someone was better,
Prettier than me.

You words echo through the hall,
But I keep walking.
I don't want you anymore,
I'm through with this.

You're still chasing me,
But I'm faster.
I run to a corner,
Curl up and cry.

I can hear you coming closer,
But you don't touch me.
But that's what I need right now,
You.

Deep down,
Past the hate, the hurt,
The pain and the worst,
I realize,

I still Love You

If I were to be an emoji
For the rest of my life,
I would be
:/

Not :)
Or :( 
Just 
:/

I'm not happy,
I'm not sad,
I'm merely 
Confused.

I'm a combination,
Of the two.
Sad, yet not always.
Happy, but only slight.

A lost soul, maybe?
Confused and sad to be alone.
But I'm happy to be away,
From the cruel, cruel world.

I could be :)(
But I am :/
Instead.

I feel depressed sometimes.
I cover a :( with a :)
Just to stop the questions,
And to see if it could be real.

:) could mean :(
But I can laugh for real.
Happiness can fill my insides.

I feel sorry for some people,
Not always pity, though.
Just sorry I can't feel the same way.
Sorry I can't tell them I know how they feel.
So I become :/

I don't know how I feel sometimes.
Since my mood changes 
by a few questioned words.

Content + Miserable = :/
Hope my maths is correct,
I have never been a genius,
I guess that applies for feelings too.

:/ = Me
I'm just a confused and miserable soul.

Somebody please help me.
Change me.
I don't want to stay the same,
Forever and always.

Singing a tune
Where birds even stop to listen.
So light,
So beautiful;
Incredible.

She sang me to sleep,
Softly stroking,
While I drift off
Into an eternal sleep.

Laid me down
In a bed of flowers.
Her tears silencing her voice.

She took a breath
And carried on-
But there was no change;
Her voice was constant
But cherished.

At least it felt so,
To me.
My eyes seeing only the light.
But I felt as if I were already in heaven.

No gunshots,
No blood,
No screams,
No demise,
It was a moment to save
Until my death was certain.

I always thought
Life would never go
The way you expected it to,
But this was something unimaginable.

This memory
I thought it worth keeping
As my last.
Hearing nothing but love.
No deaths, but one.

Birds silenced,
By the singing
Of someone who loved me,
And will carry on.

I wanted to close my eyes
And keep it pictured forever in my head.
As my last memory.

And I did.

His fingers,
Traced down,
The permanent ink,
Stained all over her body.
 
She smiled,
At the feel,
Of his unique,
Touch.
 
But even she knew,
Beneath the pleasure,
Of their skin in contact,
He was searching.
Searching for something more,
For their unsure love.
 
He branched his fingers,
Over her fragile body,
Wanting to know,
If this was right,
If she was worth it.
 
He then pressed his lips,
Against hers,
And the sparks were flying,
Just like the first.
 
Yet she knew,
He was distracting her.
His fingers and eyes,
Had hints of only lust.
 
Even if his hands,
Were running up her spine,
She could picture,
His hands doing the same to another.
 
She refused to cry,
At least she was one,
Of the many,
He probably had.
 
As much as she wished,
There was no proof,
But only an abundance,
Of possibilities.
 
Still, she was under the impression,
He might have love for her.
 
But he was now questioning,
If she was his pretty face,
Or something more?
 
The light they had,
Seems to drift away,
But he doesn’t want to let go forever,
Not just yet.
 
He slowly whispers,
“I Love You,”
But she can see right through.
So many secrets, it hurts.
 
Tears break the spell,
Falling down her once rosy cheeks.
She thought he loved her,
Once.
 
He doesn’t notice,
Since she is too damaged,
She cannot speak.
He only kisses her deeper,
But with no emotions,
This burns her to the core.
 
She stays still,
Letting him play with her body.
This is the only way,
To show him she’s in pain,
But it only makes him deepened the pleasure.
 
If only she was prettier,
Nicer, better than the rest,
Then maybe, just maybe,
He could find the heart to love her.
 
Neither was sure,
If they chose the right path,
So instead,
They both are hurting bad

You only realize,
That you miss someone,
When they've left you,
Forever.

I was forced,
And I hated that place.
But I forgot there were good,
People like you.


I regret not thinking straight,
Because now I miss you,
I miss you smiling,
Cracking a joke all the time.

You sure didn't have the cleanest mind,
But that made you all the more funny,
Your humour,
And constant laughter.

I never hated you,
How would I?
You were so sweet,
So nice.

You got along with everyone,
Hid your feelings to the ones you hated.
But you changed ways behind their backs,
Making all of us laugh.

You're the one person I miss the most,
The one person I wish back.
The one person I want here with me,
The one that I need to make me smile.

I don't love you,
But I need you,
I need some happiness,
To turn this frown the right side.

I wish I could turn back time,
So I can treasure those moments with you.
I don't want to regret,
For being the worst friend.

You did laugh,
At the things you shouldn't,
But I forgive,
And I forget.

I dream of seeing you,
So many times,
I just want to say goodbye,
one last time.

But we're parting further,
So I can never see you again.
Connections fail,
To make me contented.

So, keep this poem,
so you can remember,
you changed my life,
and you'll stay in me forever.

At least you know
How it feels
To lay your heart down on a silver platter
Loved to perfection.
Slathered with the sauce
Extracted from the roots of
My words.
Sprinkled with the butterflies I felt
Every time I looked at you.
And you could taste the pinch of ecstasy
From all the times I held
Your hand.
Let us not forget
Our moments together
When we couldn't think of
Ever being separated.
Our history
Spiced up the plate
But left a tangy taste,
Almost as sweet
As your lips when they were on
Mine.
All of it paired with the sliced up
Hatred and anger
I felt towards you.
The strong aroma of
Frustration
When you made me want to scream in
Fury.
All to provide a cuisine of
True Love.
Only for you to push it away
And say
'No thank you, I already ate.'
My-our- hard work, time and effort
All gone to waste.
You just drank more and more
Of your Ex-pired girlfriend, instead
And got drunk on old feelings.
Again.

It's that feeling that resembles rejection which is so familiar,
It's comforting, and you can finally say:

**"I'm used to it."

We are the Dupids,
The two of us,
We search for love,
Then crumple it up.

Instead of love arrows,
We shoot poison darts,
We crush their souls,
And rip them apart.

The sight of two, 
disgusts us to death,
Then when we have run out of darts,
We are in total debt.

We don't love, 
We aim to hate,
We don't care if we go to hell
We will face our fate.

Those stupid hormones,
We'd **** them if we could,
We hate their stupid love stuff,
We would rip it, yes we would.

But unfortunately for me,
I have been struck by Cupid,
I'm falling hard,
I am no more a Dupid.

His screams of pain
Bounced off
The caved walls.

The many its tore through his flesh,
Howling through the process,
Grabbing at what they can.

I could not see them from above,
But it was too loud
For me to shut them out.

My ears were covered,
Yet sound leaked from the holes
Where dark seeped past my fingers.

I could not breath;
The fear was closing in on me
Stealing my air.

I inhaled,
But it was foul
Causing me to choke.

Seconds, minutes, hours
Ticked by.
Finally, they had left him.
However, their cries of victory
Did not reach over the sound of
Torture.

I knew it was my cue,
But my angst was too much to bear.
What was waiting for me,
Was too explicit for my innocent eyes.

These eyes were innocent,
But what lied behind them wasn't.
To survive I had to ****
What was left of a being.

Reluctantly I jumped off
The ground having another human upon it's surface,
I stumbled towards his figure.

My eyes tore away,
From the ****** mess I once called human.

His moans were all  could hear
In the cave,
In the arena,
In the whole world.
Why was I left to do the job
That I had cleverly tried to avoid?
Why couldn't they rid me
Of this suffering?
Why couldn't they rid us
Of this suffering?

My choices were blunt and clear;
I either pierce the dagger to end his distress,
Or walk away to end mine.

Knowing the consequences,
Either would leave me wounded from this graphic image.
But, I wasn't sure which one was what he wished.
I wasn't good with the death thing.

Then, with a groan,
His mouth formed a shape I couldn't communicate with.
The blood was dripping everywhere,
I couldn't recognize him any more.

Finally, I could see his lips
Forming the word

Please

Everything cleared up for me.
I was sure what to do.

I walked shakily towards his deformed body
Until I cowered above him.
My grip tightened around the knife in my hand
As I pulled it towards him.
My body shook,
My hand daring to loosen.

I gulped, not sure of what I was doing,
The body lying there in pain.
I sighed, closing my eyes.

I let the dagger fall,
Walking backwards as fast I could
And as far as I possibly could.

The loud sound echoed the arena
Scaring a few birds,
As realization dawned upon me.

I did it.

Staring at you.
I think of my future.
Will you be in it,
I wonder?

I think of the negatives,
If we ended up together.
But how can I dream
Of something that is clearly impossible?

Staring at you,
I think of what you've done.
To steal my heart,
When you meant no harm.

You did many things,
Not directed to me.
But look who's falling,
Falling hard from my Love tree.

I'd be lying if I said her grave was my only memory of her.

But, it was the one I remembered the most.
How could I forget?
She was family.
She always will be.

She had taken part of my heart with her.
Kept in her hands
and they burned together.
It was part of my soul I saw lifeless,
Part of my heart.

Now, I live alone with ashes in its' place.
She was taken away from me and I
Was torn.

Exaggeration?
I think not.
I have the ripped edges upon my skin to prove it.

I cannot cry-
I refuse to, they would say.
But really, I had no guts to do it.
I couldn't cry because it made the truth
All the more real.

To not be able to touch,
Speak,
Hear,
Feel her presence
Was a nightmare come true.

Was everything going to be alright?
Not if she wasn't there to kiss me goodnight.
Not is she wasn't there to ask about my well being.
Not if she wasn't there to witness all my achievements
And not if she wasn't there to catch me when I fall.
No, not at all.

Food made me starve
Water made me thirsty,
I needed her to live;
She gave me love and serenity.

Fate, you were cruel
To rip her away from my life,
I did good yet I deserved death of a loved one?
I beg for you to bring her back-
She means the world to me-
I need her.

Is it not enough to pray?
Is it not enough to love everything I get?
Is it not enough to take care of the family I have left?
Is it not enough to beg?
Is it not enough for everyone to come before myself?
Is it not enough to love her with all my heart even after she's gone?

After the amazing life she gave me
I still only remember her gravestone-
She deserved to live longer.
Why did she die when there were people who needed death more?
Why were you, death, cruel to her?
She was perfect for you but mostly me.
I guess you wanted her more.
Selfish you were.
How could you?

I can't take anymore of this.

I beg you, please
Please bring her back.
I love her.
I need her.
She can't be gone.
I'm nothing without her.

Please.

When you feel the world is hating on you.
Smiles are rare now.
I only walk into hate.

Maybe it's the sun?
But the people I love,
Are turning into my enemies.

These ears hurt,
After all the voices.
Voices that I can't stand.
Voices that mimic me.

I'm not sure anymore,
Of anything at all.
A silence settles between my friends,
I'm so afraid.

My vision so blurry,
I only look into the void now.
Has life taken me by it's hands,
And shook me sightless?

I'm distant,
But with a fake smile.
My voice hoarse,
From all the comforting.

Leaving  has made me realize,
I don't belong,
If no one wants me.

There are a few,
That light a fire in me.
But the numbers have shrunk,
By an infinite amount.

It never is depression,
But I wish to slip away.
To see if it is worth it,
I there is a silver lining.

I never want tomorrow to come,
If today was bad enough.
I feel as if there is nothing to look forward to.
Nothing at all.

I don't know anyone anymore,
As if they've grown up without me.
I wasn't their missing link,
But only a useless one.

My feelings are numb,
I feel so empty.
I don't understand anything.
I just don't know.

It burns my heart,
Right to my soul,
Seeing you with another,
God, just let me go.

It was like a dagger in me,
Yet you let me bleed,
Because you didn't know,
You didn't know.

Why was it you,
The one who never really cared?
Rarely had your arms around me,
But now I'm completely bare.

I wish it would stop,
The pain is hurting me.
But you had to carry on,
Carry on torturing me.

I wish more than anything,
For you to love me.
But you don't notice me,
You let me be.

I love you,
I wish I could tell you.
It's my secret,
But you don't care about the truth.

I'm sorry,
I'll take the blame,
For being me,
I walk with my head down in shame.

I cannot eat my anxiety-
I will only throw it up.
I cannot cry about my eating habits,
I will only get angered.

If I consume the food
I see right now,
It will only come out as river
From my lips.
But if I don’t eat
I will starve.
I guess
Hunger goes both ways.

I could drink, however,
Or down my pills.
They only control the sane part of me.
Rather, the part that can be controlled.
But, they don’t know about the other side.
The side that plots plans,
Plans to do things I shouldn’t.
The side that believes in the wrong things.
Convinces me I am never worth it.

I overdose,
Hoping it will demolish that side.
But sometimes,
That’s not all it demolishes

Which leads to sleepless nights.
Where I only wake up earlier than before,
Until sleep is an enemy.
Sometimes I know I can’t do it
So I lock myself up tight
Only to stop breathing.
I wake up with slightest of amnesia,
And I always wish it would’ve stayed that way.

Which takes me on the path to depression-
My greatest fear.
Dull mornings,
No light comes through.
The night is day-
And it stays that way.

Beauty stops existing.
Hatred to the world and me is all.
This is when throwing up is ok.
I just wish my heart and soul would
Resurface as well.

Endless crying,
Hatred.  Anger.
Sometimes I get happy-
But it never is real.

No one wants this-
But it had to happen to someone, right?
And it had to be me.
At least, not everyone is like this.
Not everyone is demoralized as me.
Times like these, I Look forward to death.

One less broken person in the world,
Disordered and all.

That moment when you realize,
Life isn't a friend,
But simply an enemy,
Toying with your emotions.

You hope and pray for something,
And it only does the opposite.

It's different for everyone.
Seem have it hard, suicide.
Some have it good,romance
But everyone hates it.

Don't let it hurt you,
But look past the glares,
The threats,
The knives.

It only wants you to cry.
It only want you to die.

So long, Life.
Your dreams have come true.

My pen dances,
Across the paper.
Words pour out,
Of this once empty mind.

My stomach churns,
At this feeling,
Of joy,
For writing fairy tales.

My smile is so bright,
And wide as a flowing river.
My eyes shine and sparkle so much,
They could replace stars.

The music entering my ears,
Sends my body dancing.
Still with pen and paper in hand,
My soul screams out loud it's greatest fears.

The happiness inside me,
Sprinkles bliss around the room.
The smell of Exhilaration,
Signals my heart to start jumping.

I can't believe,
That this amazing talent,
Can do so much to me.

But, hey, that's poetry.

Tell me he's not mine,
Tell he's not perfect,
Tell me he hasn't got an amazing smile,
Tell me he's not worth it.

Tell me he's not beautiful,
Tell me he's not the one,
Tell me he's not a miracle,
Brought from above.

Tell me he doesn't make me happy,
Tell me I don't need him.
Tell me his eyes don't melt me,
Tell he hasn't made his way within.

Tell me his words don't soften my heart,
Tell me he's love for someone else,
Doesn't hurt.
Tell me we can never be apart,
Tell me this feeling doesn't burn.

You can tell me anything,
But I don't care.
I Love him, he's amazing,
No one could compare.

If this is what he makes me feel like,
I adore it.
Us together feels so right,
Ive fallen in Love with him.

I never knew that walking into a room would change my life.

People would debate on my life and death,
Bringing people in and out,
Asking for evidence,
While I just sit there,
Quiet.

The next step of my life is judged,
By a bunch of people in white wigs,
And the majesty herself.

A guard came over,
Grabbed me by the wrists,
Cuffed them,
And took me away.

Now I'm in a room,
Where the eyes of pity and anger,
Are placed upon me.

I cannot look at anyone,
So I look down,
But I feel their glare burning my soul.

I see a red head,
In the biggest seat,
And realize,
It's Queen Elizabeth herself.

My nerves put me under pressure,
I'm not sure about anything anymore,
Am I going to die, or am I going to live?

I was forced into a seat,
As the light shone on me,
And everyone looked and stared.

The woman was tall in her high chair,
so was everyone,
But me.

She quietly said some words
stating my "crime"
Even though I was perfectly not guilty.

I was silenced to not say a word.
People framed me,
But I did no wrong.

I needed to get away,
 But my plans were ruined,
As someone came in,
And the doors were locked.

No windows for air.
And I heard the man speak,
But no truth came out.

One by one,
People spoke against me,
And I knew that I was not lucky.

My heart began to beat,
When the Queen looked at me,
And I could only see disgust in her eyes.

When the final man,
Left the room,
It was clear,
The answer in their eyes.

I couldn't understand,
That a room full of people hated me,
And not one thought otherwise.

Everyone held their breaths,
And looked at the lady,
Even though we all knew what was to come.

She screamed 'guilty' 
and the whole place erupted.
Tears fell down my eyes,
No one loved me,
At all.

The guards took me outside,
Where the gloomy morning hit my face,
Everyone followed out,
To witness my death.

My head was forced onto the block,
Which fitted neatly.
My hands were tied behind me back,
And my whole life flashed in front of me.

The executioner entered the outside,
Placing the axe at my head,
As he lifted I thought about,
All the people who wanted me dead.

"I promise you, mother, I will do my best.
I'll haunt their dreams,
Until they forgive."

Sweat trickled down my sacked head,
My heart faster than a cheetah,
My body shaking under the sky,
This was my final cry.

And the sound of crows echoed the open at the sudden sound of death.

When you're alone
And you don't have a book to befriend,
You think-
And that can get scary.

Thinking about your loneliness,
Trying to humour yourself somehow.
Until you slip slightly deeper into your mind.

Then, life in general
Becomes your thought priority.
Exams, friends, family,
Exes.

Love.
Weeping echoes the borders of your mind.
Slightly mock crying
That you have no love life,
Or that your previous ones have burnt.
Just like the edges of your balance.

You stumble further,
Deliberating depression,
And how life is too cruel on you.
No one deserves you.

You fall, eventually
Into nothing.
Hearing your thoughts
Echo around you.

Then they start to scream.
As if terror caught hold of their voices
And shoved it through a megaphone-
Making their fear louder.
Your fears louder.
It's hard to think,
While tumbling endlessly,
Into nothing.

You're falling into a bottomless Thought machine.

The voices stop.
Abruptly.

Instead, you hear faint music.
Flutes.
Playing like wind-
Softly,
Suddenly you're floating.
As if on a cloud.

You look up,
To see the faintest light;
Hope.
Yet it's disappearing.
However, for once you aren't afraid.
But, the bright is closing in.
The light that you once thought didn't exist
Is making it's appearance stronger,
By vanishing.

Can you hear that?
It's the music-
Not so soothing anymore.
Not soft, but loud.
Not sweet, but bitter.

The horror clearly laid out
Through each note.

Can you hear the rapid movements,
The never ending spiral of notes,
The minor clearly being played,
Loud enough to get to the inner soul?

The cloud has vanished,
You are falling-
And the ground refuses to appear.

Wind of thoughts rushing,
Terror music playing,
Your rapid thoughts repeated out loud,
Turning into cries of help.

You can't move up,
You can't stop,
You can't breath
Any more.

What is happening?
Where are you?
Is this what it's like,
To be lost in your mind?

Eventually,
your knees buckle.
The ground resurfaces,
And you can sort of feel again.

But standing up,
you look above.
No light.

You walk around, feel your boundaries,
Smooth as silk.

You strain your ears to hear a thing,
Silence.

You try to hold it the tears in,
When realization dawns upon you;
You are trapped
In the midst of your thoughts.
Forever.

Goodbye’s can be harsh,
With me, it always is,
A farewell to a piece of my life,
A piece of my heart

In the end, I’m left alone,
I never see it coming,
Just like when I met you,
I never knew you were worth it,

Friends or no friends,
We weren’t always,
But in my mind,
We were, always

My feelings were hurt, yes,
But at least you were with me,
Now I see into the future,
With us, there is no destiny,

We don’t feel the same way,
Pains me, it does,
But who can blame you,
For not feeling what I wish?

I can’t force love,
But like friends, I can’t
Stop doing what I do,
Saying what I say,

So maybe it’s best,
Before you part,
We stop being friends,
And I’ll be left with a broken heart,

People say,
“Live life with no regrets”
That’s why we should move on,
So I won’t be hurt again,

I hate doing this,
But it’s for the best,
I love you more than anything,
More than a friend,

Goodbye to another loved one,
Even if I know what it feels like,
I’m inexperienced when it comes ,
My heart breaking to pieces

Ignore my raging tears and please, Please do as I say:

Just clear your head,
Forget we ever met,
And let me be lonely,
Again.

The words were carved,
Into her dead back,
The blood so bright,
It could be seen from afar. 

Eyes wide open,
Red streaming down her face,
As if she were crying,
What was in left in her veins.

Another death threat,
Were staring at us in the face.
There was more to come,
Even after this gruesome tragic.

Her hands tied behind her back,
Body bare,
Ripped clothes strewn across the grass,
And a knife shone.

Contrast from silver to blood,
Her DNA splattered across the whole ground.

The darkness of the night,
Couldn't hide,
The ****** red body,
Freshly dead.

Scent of abuse
And a hint of scars,
She left the world in pain,
We could feel her spirit haunting the air.

Forced were the wounds,
On her back shaped like words,
"Until the blood has been bled,
I will be back, for the rest of my revenge"

I watched as her hair bobbed up and down,
Her eyes sparkled like the ocean,
And her smile widen in beauty

We were one,
We were the best,
She had her beauty,
While I had my brains

We sat together, 
ate together, 
laughed together,
Our worlds revolved around each other

We were solid particles, never separated,
Yet closer than ever,
We were a maths problem
Her + Me = Forever

But, like in any other love story,
I feel in love with her,
How could I not,
She was a demon who captured my heart

God, take this love,
As a sign to the angels,
Let me be her man,
There's nothing more that I want,

My soul longs for her touch,
Whispers for her kiss,
Dies for her smile,
This is my 

True Love.

I trace fingers down my arm,
Imagining yours,
Inked.
 

I close my eyes,
Think back to us,
Memories.


Your tattooed arm,
My favorite beanie,
Gone.

 
Your smile,
Your hug,
Missing.
 

Am I supposed to leave you?
Am I supposed to forget?
Even though it was you,
Do you still miss me?
Questions.
 

I know it’s your dream,
Since you were a kid.
But now that you’ve met me,
Do you see me beside you in it?
Dreams.
 

I’m not used to this,
I can’t do it.
I lean down my pillow,
And I still smell your scent
Empty.
 

Why can’t you come home?
I need you now,
I’ve never felt this way before,
Please, help me.
Pleads.
 

I don’t like being alone,
 I miss my heart beating,
At your smile.
When it flutters,
At your touch.
Addicted.


Like a drug.
You aren’t good for me.
Who am I kidding?
I need you so bad.
Drugged.
 

I want your kiss,
Your skin upon mine,
Your lips against mine,
Your soothing words melting mine.
Wishes.
 

Your tattoos,
Meaningless.
Yet so many reasons,
For every single one.
Trance.
 

A tear falls.
My heart against yours,
Racing each other,
But staying close.
Metaphors.
 

Love was once a mistake.
And I never trusted again.
Then I met you,
And you turned my world around.
Happiness.
 

Maybe I’m dreaming,
I close my eyes.
I’ll wake up with you in my bed,
And forget everything.
Disappointment.
 

These are real tears,
You’ll never be able to see,
That I hate to admit it,
But I think I love you.
Light bulb.

 
And I realize.
You kisses make me wanna fly.
Those nights with you made me feel special.
That’s all you wanted.
Recognize.

 
I held on to the man of my life,
But let go.
Now I’ll never be able to see you again,
Because I didn’t get it.
Understood.


These tears keep flowing,
Now I get it.
I held my walls for too high,
Too long.
Corrected.

 
Can you hear me?
I want you to know,
This poem is for you,
My aesthetic pleasure.
Literature.


It’s you that I want.
I’m sorry for not believing.
I know you are the one.
My one and only.
Romantic.

 
Take these tears,
To show the world,
Take my blood,
And let me write:
True Love.

She is sitting next to the window,
Rain pouring. 
She was cold,
And he is the warmth.

Her eyes reflect,
The droplets, outside.
Soon become real,
Falling from the inside.

She promised she wouldn't cry.
She didn't when she found him on the ground,
She didn't at the sound of the deafening beep,
She didn't when they lowered him to his grave.

But she guessed,
She held it for too long.
Was it okay?
She can't stop.

She remembers,
When he held her hand,
Wrapped his arms around her,
Kissed Her.
Now she needs that,
To stop hurting.

When she was with him,
She felt contented,
Safe,
Warm.

Why is it,
That when she need him the most,
He disappears,
Forever?

His demise,
She's Pensive, about.
Profusion of questions,
Asking the stated obvious.

If he ever thought she hated him,
Think again.
Look who's crying now.

He is the bones in her body,
The muscle,
Her heart.
She can't live without him.

So, that means she's dead.
 
He's no longer here.
What's the point of living,
If she can't stand up?
If she can't breath?

She knows he isn't coming back,
So she thought it over.
She's got nothing here anymore,
Got nothing to live for.

So she takes the gun,
Placed it to her temple.
So she can be with him know,
They'll be together forever.

“I love you,” she whispers.



And there, stood the grave, right next to his, it was marked:

Anna Stones
1994-2014
Suicide
Depression of Love

She is sitting next to the window,
Rain pouring. 
She was cold,
And he is the warmth.

Her eyes reflect,
The droplets, outside.
Soon become real,
Falling from the inside.

She promised she wouldn't cry.
She didn't when she found him on the ground,
She didn't at the sound of the deafening beep,
She didn't when they lowered him to his grave.

But she guessed,
She held it for too long.
Was it okay?
She can't stop.

She remembers,
When he held her hand,
Wrapped his arms around her,
Kissed Her.
Now she needs that,
To stop hurting.

When she was with him,
She felt contented,
Safe,
Warm.

Why is it,
That when she need him the most,
He disappears,
Forever?

His demise,
She's Pensive, about.
Profusion of questions,
Asking the stated obvious.

If he ever thought she hated him,
Think again.
Look who's crying now.

He is the bones in her body,
The muscle,
Her heart.
She can't live without him.

So, that means she's dead.
 
He's no longer here.
What's the point of living,
If she can't stand up?
If she can't breath?

She knows he isn't coming back,
So she thought it over.
She's got nothing here anymore,
Got nothing to live for.

So she takes the gun,
Placed it to her temple.
So she can be with him know,
They'll be together forever.

“I love you,” she whispers.



And there, stood the grave, right next to his, it was marked:

Anna Stones
1994-2014
Suicide
Depression of Love

Dark.

Loving.

Depressed.

Shaded.

Black.
 
That's what I would use to describe her soul.

Her personality. 

Dark words,
Crossed out with red,
Red blood.

Her raven hair,
Shined.
But only,
Through darkest times.

Poison flowed,
Through her thin veins.
When cut,
She bled dark blood.

Her black wings,
Contrasted with her pale skin.
She lived and breathed,
The spirit of the dead.

Dark.

But she was beautiful.
So beautiful, she seemed fake.
Her love for me was undeniable/ unconditional.
Our feelings were mutual.

Her eyes only searched
For floating dead beings,
My face,
And my love.

We were opposites,
But that's what kept us closer than ever.

The kisses I leave across her body,
Are permanent in her head.
The words I whisper to her,
Are air to her delicate body.

Her eyes shine,
At my presence.
Darken,
At fake pleads.

Loving.

She is alone,
No family,
Except for me.
But she's what I need.

When she sings,
Her voice gets caught,
By the tears she refuses to let go.

When she sings,
She sings with symphonies,
A lullaby,
Referring to demise and love,
Which I realize is her one life.

Shaded.

A soul darker than night,
But only since she has a heart of a pessimist,
She can never find happiness,
Sometimes she can't with me.

She cries in her sleep,
Thinking no one can hear.
She wishes to forcefully bleed,
But I'm a wall standing between death and her

Dark.

I love her,
More than light,
But I only wish,
For her to be happy.

A beautiful face,
A black soul,
She is my,

Dark Angel.