i thought that destroying myself
was the way to save you from who i am inside
but it turns out, harming me
destroyed you more than i ever managed to hurt myself

maybe if i had hid it from you better
you never would have seen the scars and cried
youd have never heard me puking
i destroyed myself, but you are a part of me

I do not write because my poems are good
Nor do  write to truly feel
I merely write because I have worth
In these words that are so real

I don’t consider myself a great writer
And I don’t write as a simple pass time
I write because I define myself
In every syllable and every rhyme

I write because I live in words
And breathe in each sentence
And honestly it brings me peace
To write of my repentance

I think that pain is easier to speak of
When I don’t have to use actual words
And people listen a lot better
And my statements don’t go unheard.

Writing my only escape
From the sadness I always dwell
And writing my happiness
The only way to reverse this spell.

I write because its right
I do it because I know I was meant to
I write so my brokenness isn't forgotten
I truthfully write for you.

is it bad that i read my own poetry and cry?
and feel sorry for the person going through the pain?
is it silly that i feel more when i read these then when i breathe?
that my emotion is only in these poems you read?

for so long i thought i needed someone to feel
that cutting was a way to actually have a reason to cry
but these poems, the more i read the more i weep
for this lost girl with so much heart break.

who is she? who am i? why am i so sad?
this is all answered in my poems,
bad break ups, parents, life... they take a toll on you
but why am i, the way i am?

when everything was going well
and I didn't feel like ****
you somehow turned my life to hell
and walked right out of it

you made me want to trust you
you just had to make me care
you told me lies, I told a few
but you left, that's not fair

I wished at 11:11 last night
but I don't think it's fair
I wished for your hand in mine
but it was never there

I saw a shooting star last night
but I doubt my wish came true
I wished for the impossible
I wished to be loved by you.

If i could end it all today i would
If I knew no one would notice
I'd keep cutting if he hadn't found me out
If you knew no one would care,

                              would you keep breathing?

If you heard the whispers
And could feel the stares
And the insults... seem to choke all hope
If you were told no one would care,

                               would you keep breathing?

If it were a choice
Between your life and his happiness
What would choose
If your death was his peace,

                               would you keep breathing?

If death were your own escape
From the demons who follow
If life was torture
And death was freedom,

                             would you keep breathing?

If not breathing was an option
A simple road to choose
I'd take it..... but......
If i was gone,

                            would *you keep breathing?

We made an agreement
One we couldn't break
A promise to last a lifetime
Our relationship at stake.

You didn't read the terms and conditions
Backed out before the contract was through
****** me over again and again
But I guess the blame wasn't on you?