Today isn’t the hardest day.
It’s next week-
When the phone calls and texts stop.
When no one checks in.
When the house is quiet.
And you’re by yourself.

I am doing the dishes.
I see the mess but don’t feel motivated and add it to the mental list of things that need to get done, even though I feel heavy.
I have Friends on autoplay but I’m getting up every 20 minutes to finish a task that I had already started but became exhausted a partial way through.
The dishes are never ending and the trash is piling up but I’m not being lazy.
This isn’t lazy.
I’m doing these tasks in small increments because I become tired a quarter of the way through and just want to lie in bed and cut out my problems and mess of a brain.
And then you tell me that I don’t do anything either so it’s my fault too but what I’m begging you to see is that I’m trying. I’m trying to do the dishes but my body has been asleep for 3 months and I’m constantly trying to fight to wake up and be a person.
But it needs to get done.
So I will do it in increments.
I will get it done.
I’m doing the dishes.

I poured my heart out to you.

But everything just seeped through the holes-

Hidden by a consoling smile.

They find better people,
and I become distant and forgotten.