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Barbara Dec 2019
I remember when change knocked down my walls and let itself in.
I wasn’t ready for it, yet it still managed to slip in through all my broken cracks.

I remember how much anger and rage it built inside of me.
I felt so displeased and lost.

I remember it only took me a few days to realize that change was the best thing that could’ve happened.
I was at my prime, getting to know myself and loving myself like never before.

Change is inevitable, you can call it or wait for it to show up and knock your walls down.
Just know that you don’t have to be ready, when it comes it comes strong.

It will change you. It will make you ready.
Barbara May 2017
I was always taught how to say goodbye but never how to deal with the aftermath of it.
How do I deal with the hurtful memories
and reminiscing days that come?
Tell me what do I do when an aching night comes and I have no other choice but to cry?
Should I pick up the phone and give you a call
or do I grab on tight to my pillow and let it all out?
What happens when I see you and I want to hold you tight?
Would it be easier to stay in my seat
or do I greet you like I did the very first time we met?
What about when my world is falling apart, should I search for another you
or do I show up at your doorsteps?
Saying goodbye was easy but dealing with the aftermath is what I should’ve been taught.
ME
Barbara Sep 2020
ME
her pretty face might be the first thing that calls your attention but that’s not all there is to her.

it starts off with her heart.. oh is that heart nothing but pure and gold.
she tends to consider it her best feature.

we go into her strength next.. you can believe her strength is most definitely capable of moving mountains.
although, she has the tendency of thinking she’s weak.

now let’s talk about her soul.. which is truly one of a kind. she’s destined for such big things.
she knows her soul pretty well.

you know what’s wrong with this girl though?

she’s the type of girl that gets too caught up in saving others that she forgets about herself. she forgets to come above water and take a breather. she's made her fair share of mistakes, god forbid they hold them against her though. she’ll literally commit mental suicide all on her own. i wish she would use her voice more, but she’s too busy thinking that it doesn't matter. little does she know that her voice is capable of healing all. her touch can be so gentle yet so rough. i think she spends too much time grieving the things she cannot change that it gets in the way of the things she can change. i feel so bad for her sometimes because when you look into those big brown eyes, you can see all the pain and sadness she carries around all day. when she wakes up on the good side of the bed she tries to stay on it by smiling, talking, and attempting to manifest all that she wants. down side of that is that it will probably only last a few minutes before she begins to drown again. i can’t wait till she grows a little more. i know she thinks that the universe is always drowning her with so many lessons but that’s only because she comes out on top each time and shares that knowledge with those who need it as well. she yearns to be so loved because she knows it’ll fix all of her broken pieces.

that girl is me..

i am strong
i am beautiful
i am pure
i am gold
i am one of a kind
i am loved.
Barbara Jul 2017
every person that walks into your life must walk out…


   this is exactly why we shouldn't choose to hold onto someone forever. the same door they walked in through, one day they will use to walk out. the idea of forever with someone patronizes our heads and sometimes leads to false hope. but truth is, time doesn’t stop for anyone. seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, and years pass far from what we can control.
Barbara Jun 2017
before he came along, she liked little bits of herself..
and suddenly when he appeared she loved every single part of herself
Barbara Sep 2017
when i got my heart broken for the first time i was told that time would heal me. that time was one day going to make it nothing but a distant memory that i would struggle to piece back together. so for months i waited, and waited, and waited. eventually, i woke up one morning and didn’t feel like i was drowning anymore. it felt as if for once i owned the day and could conquer the impossible. days kept passing and i kept feeling a little more healed. it didn't hurt to be awake anymore, i wanted to get out and do adventurous things with different people. and so i believed i owed it all to time.

nothing but indefinite continued progress

till today..

today i realized that time could also be the worst thing to ever happen to someone. time slowly allows you to grow into the person you are meant to be one day. on a day to day basis we out grow our old habits to adjust to new ones.

but i never thought i’d outgrow you and vice versa.. who would ever think that time could destroy such a beautiful thing. from days to years we’ve always been holding hands, even if its from a far distance. although, today your hand felt farther than usual and somewhat cold. as in if i couldn’t hold it anymore.

so maybe this is what happens when time heals a part of you, it’ll go destroy another. that way it’ll always be indefinite. after healing one part, it’ll destroy another one, but just to heal it all over again.

and so i wonder if time will heal this

if you will become nothing but a distant memory that i will one day struggle to piece back together.

or if time will heal your hand so that i can hold on again.

but now i realize i will always owe it all to time..
Barbara May 2017
still the thought of you remains in my head
and never able to get out

as time seems to take longer,
you feel farther away

though when i least expect it,
you reappear in the blink of an eye
and everything feels normal again

its like a cycle,
day by day i just sit and wait for the unexpected

but what if i’m tired of waiting
what do i do then

our future looks so unclear 
and i have no choice but to be left here unsure…

— The End —