I have to stop falling in love with strangers,
The way their smile slides into view so slow,
When they call me beautiful in sign language and don’t realize I know.
When they leap past, dressed in all black,
Their own cryptic, creeping steps and clinging to the shadows- midnight at noon.
Scowls and imploring eyes and fists itching for my throat,
Teeth sinking into tongues and lips, grasping desperately for control.
Confused if it was their gasp or my own when the light catches just right,
Nervous laughter as they mention wives before a disappointed sigh.
Fantasy and fiction churning real beings into metallic dreams,
Magnetic storms at their energy,
a missed soul connection,
and Shadow Knights.

I feel most alive
Standing on the edge
Singing for death-
A siren of the dark.

"Why do you look so ******* happy?"

Because that's the way they like me,

But to be fair, I do too.

I love feeling pretty in pink

With pastels and fragile florals,

But I am endless and vast

And equally crave the taste of metal

With the bite of blood.

I want my white roses pristine and velvet

Hugged by black leather,

Stained in crimson,

Studded and cold.

Because I am all of these things-

Careless and gentle,

Cold and yielding,

Pristine and dripping venom.

I am balanced and infinite

And thrive swinging on these scales.

I don't want to go back.

My hands cover my ears,
pressing, pleading.

Nails break on my scalp,
digging, wrenching.

Blocking out the sounds,
screaming, crashing.

My mind fills with wails,
feral, deafening.

The bathtub embraces me,
cold, empty.

I can't unfold my body,
crushed, quaking.

I can't accept this reality,
toxic, devestating.

I don't want to breathe,
To rise, turn on the light,

Open that door,
Return to someone else's madness.

I'll just... stay here.

I had it all-
a touch of faith,
your hands on mine,
Our love the sweetest taste.

Your warmth began to freeze, 
your hands strangled,
milking the last of my hope,
every drop of life,

and I was lost.
Reflections shattered and scattered.
In a single instant I grew,
my innocence mangled.

Your secrets trapped my tongue,
making them my own,
unable to utter a sentence,
unable to mourn.

You never changed,
I never tried to make you.
You simply didn't grow.
My rhythm slowly withered,

your grip suffocated,
my affection a complex addiction.
My black and white,
stained in red,

indistinguishable and spreading-
consuming.
Interest fading
Into superficial persecution.

Taking the place of something
Infinite yet indefinite,
Beyond our understanding.
Worship tastes like servitude.

Lust becomes a synonomn
For mercy,
Love is simply a syllable,
And all we do is doubt.

Doubt if we're enough,
Together or separate,
Fulfillment a fairytale
Tarnished by simple maturity.

Tenderness is an inconvenience,
*** a chore ,
With a seizing heart
And grief tinted lips.

I can't keep exhaling,
And praying you'll be
My holy resource,
When your love was never pure.