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I’m not empty.
It’s not that I don’t feel anything.
The exact opposite.

I feel so much.

So much I get desensitized to my own emotions.
They flow around like water in every corner of my body.
Mixing in with my blood until there is no cell untouched.

It used to be a gentle lake.
But now It’s an ocean.
So all I can do is sit here and pretend that I’m a puddle.
Just like everyone else.
I am a mess
I find happiness
In self pain
I find comfort
In heart breaks

It hurts to feel the pain
And yet
I am completely okay with it


I am a mess
I feel empty
And incompletely
Without the need
Of getting hurt
Perhaps

Im just a fling
Someone you toss around
Someone you use to fill you up

Maybe
That's all i ever be
A toy to you

I'm merely a person
Distraction
Is my coping mechanism
Just some moments of meditation,
will trigger our imaginations
and will give rise to an inspiration
that will give birth to an innovation
and will ultimately transform generations.

We can't have a revolution
Because we don't have strong resolutions.
We can't have a solution
Until we change our disposition
and we can only do that in the place of meditation.

We are faced with multiple instructions,
Challenged by absence of leaders with vision.
We are at the edge of fission.
The youths have to start offering contributions so our nation can reach it destination.

If when overwhelmed by confusion.
we eventually take the wrong decisions,
our children unborn will have to face derision
Because we surrendered to our Emotions
At every Junction where our discretion was supposed to function.
when you love
the heart takes a silent vow
the mind brakes the covenant
the heart shatters
swim in disbelieve and regret
struggling t breath inderstanding
in the end darkness knows misery , pain and suffering
time does not heal
it binds the pieces into shape
the brokenness remains
i fear my slow but steady descent back into depression
the gut wrenching sadness is back and stronger than before
fueled by being orphaned at a time of year that poses its own challenges
combined with a fusion of anger, regret, self hatred, shame and desire for revenge
all blanketed by lack of joy of all things and people
left alone my thoughts run rampant and devour me
a history of fighting demons i ran so hard from hoping to never see them again, but lady luck did not smile just a devilish grin
twinkle twinkle
little star
how I envy you
surrounded never alone
all family

please share yourself
I have no one
fear fill me
fear engulf me
despair follow
an old friend is back
depression my only companion
dumb by meds
a coward I am indeed
reality is harsh
I re-lend I cannot face
I feel nothing at last
thank god for modern meds
give my emotions time to balance and anxiety to dissipate

who will bury me
who will look for me
who will wait for me
who will tend to me
who will wonder over me
who will dream of me
who will for I have no one left
will anyone!
no one will ever

I am orphan
by time and space
dreams my glorious relieve
away from a world
that does not want me
and does not love me
and does not care
no human connection
I am held by faith
my GOD my Father
the TRINITY
the SON JESUS
and the HOLLY GHOST
nothing more
and nothing less
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