There are no words to describe what's come over me.
Waves of emotions   crash  
dragging me down    to drown.

I struggle to suppress the pain,
        to not give into it.

Icy liquid,
a brilliant blue     wraps    itself around my body.

Tears burn my eyes
stinging   with   salt.

I give up allow myself to drown.
Sinking fast,  tears    choke    me.

My thoughts are annoyance,
buzzing constantly....

I let it drift away,
no one can save me...
I let them drift away....

I sink
    suffocate
           my weakness disgusts me.

I'm to tired to fight,
to hurt to care anymore.

I give into water.

Consume me,
take me to the ocean floor and drown me.
I offer you my life.

I give into water.

I built these bricks with magic dust, to keep all evil out. But instead I sealed my fate, for I can't freely move about.

I have these wings so angel soft, that want to stretch and fly. My fear of falling keeps me frustrated, for I wish to touch the sky.

He came to me once like a shining star, so bright I could feel the heat. But circles cast and secrets hidden, lead to my own defeat.

It could've been love, it's so hard to tell as these walls obscure my view. It doesn't stop the constant thought, that what could end this curse was you.

I wish I was a ghost.

I'd be able to fold into what you wanted me to be.

I'd be visible and incomprehensible.

Your perception of me is all that truly matters isn't it?

Everyone always knows what I need.

Guiding angels so often put hands around my neck, and turn into monsters in the dark.

If I was a ghost I'd walk through walls and not through your thoughts.

Perhaps it would've been best if I had stopped haunting you months ago.

But it's impossible too drift away when you leave my skin on fire,
And make my heart feel so alive.

I fell apart.

I guess it was time,
There are so many cracks already...

I shattered unto myself like a stain glass window,
Bits of color fading into shards.

Tears came and I may have wept a river,
I just want it to wash away.

Wipe my hands clean and carry on.

Promises of tomorrow seem exhausting, when you realize that it's all just the same in the end.

Sometimes I think his scent still lingers on my skin.

Scars impossible to erase no matter how hard I scrub.

His need for me always urgent.

Firm forceful hands always taking more then I want too give.

The secret is pain can be such pleasure...

Making love to monsters in the dark. Eyes closed and gasping.

Physical need overwhelming,
And fireworks no where in sight.

I'm really good at starting over.

Picking up broken pieces and discovering the light in dark places.

I've got this grasp of hope that never fades. It pulses in my palms and Sparks my fingertips.

Yet still sometimes I resist the urge to hang my head in shame, and admit defeat.

Time grows distant when I count the monsters hiding in the shadows.
Always waiting too consume me.

I dust off volumes of myself tucked into forgotten corners at night.
Insomnia my most unwelcome visitor.

I can find comfort in stillness and solitude.

But sometimes...

I wish someone would hold me.

I remind myself alot these days that

I'm so good at starting over.
I'm so good at watching it all fall apart.

I wish to be a cloud.

I could linger in between.
Present but not fully here.

I'd allow the wind to take me along the endless sky.
Never losing possibilities or places.

I wash my hands of regret and responsibility.
I'll bask in freedom and forgot about pain.

To be visible, yet never close enough to touch.
Always searching for what lies beyond my reach.

At this moment I'd give anything to be a cloud,
To dissolve into the unknown and become so beautiful.