I don't talk I write
because I'm afraid to fight
not fighting as in 1 on 1
I think thats really fun
I mean fight the tears
fight the growing fears
fight who i don't want to be
fight the weaker and scared me
I write all down
to keep away the frown
i don't think I'll ever change
but i don't think its strange
i don't dare go near the hurtle my path
for fear of its crippling wrath
I'll just stay in my buble and hide
I think it's safe and cozy inside

I used to write secret codes in the back of my diary
Thinking no one would be clever enough to look there
I used to dream of being a ballerina
Not even knowing where to begin
I used to want to be just like my mom
So I would try on her shoes and think myself grown up
I used to wish on the stars
Not caring if the wishes came true
I used to dream of what I would be
Not knowing it might not be possible
I used to do a lot of things
Until the world yelled: Grow up!

Notes to the one who doesn't Know

The time has slowly passed
My heart stagnant in the drift
You've left my body empty
I've lost my spirit when you left
I cannot explain this all
I'm lost in the abyss of the fall
Yet I find myself running
Consistently from the love
That I've only purely felt
With You

Everything. You. Me.
It was our heaven
A home within the wild
The child cradled
In the carriage we made
My dear I love you forever
And my soul has been null
With out You

That in which appearances appear
in which every-thing appears
as an appearance..
Trying here to shake the objectivity
which seems impossible
short of Silence..
But our everyday intuition
tells us that there is __
in which we experience every-thing..
And this __ we find
to be permanent
not that which comes and goes..
Our language constricts and hides
that for which we are searching..
Ending the search
reveals our __
our unnamed Identity...

When you face the world
There will be many obstacles in your way
Just find yourself
Continue to strive for greatness each day
Shine your light
Be bold and legendary
Always have hope
Make usage of every opportunity

i'd do everyone around us a big favor
and apologize
i'd do them an even bigger favor
and forget you
but baby you knew
my stubborn masochism was my best quality
when you told me you didn't love me
so tell me
does it feel good
when i make you feel wanted
when i pull you close to me
and hold my tongue
when i regurgitate your fantasies and choke on your scripts
is it everything you wanted it to be
am i lifeless enough
am i suffocating enough
tell me
did you keep me within drunk arms reach
because you knew
i could learn to take your blows
like a ******* champ
is it everything you wanted it to be
do you see the way you hurt me
in the way i left you
you cornered me and expected me not to show my teeth
you shouldn't have been
surprised when i fought back
there's nothing wrong with being a monster
can't you see who you made me be in your reflection?
look closer

You lost a friend
Its gonna be alright
Your pet dyed
Its gonna be alright
You got hurt
Its gonna be alright
You cry
Its gonna be alright
You're heartbroken
Its gonna be alright
Your world is crashing down
Its gonna be alright
But what if it's not alright?
People always say
Its gonna be alright
But how do they know?
What if Its not gonna be alright?
What if you're broken and definitly not alright?
What gives them to right to say
Its gonna be alright?
Does that mean when it's not alright
I can blame them?
Because I don't feel it's gonna be alright
I feel shattered and far from alright
I just wanna shout it's not alright!
I just wanna scream stop saying alright!
But I can't
We both know it's not always gonna alright
But then again those are comforting words people say
Even with that I'm sick of the words
It's gonna be alright.
I'm just not alright!
I'm
Not
Alright!!