2:04am
fast car on repeat, I close my eyes

I see little me dancing around the table,
little me looking out the rainy window- waiting for you to come home

isn't it amazing that 19 years later
fast car still reminds me of that day

lovely words, once
gentle kisses upon my cheek,

now don't feel the same,
since hearing them from him

those words you speak to me,
scratch,
they dare to break my skin

your words,
I wish,
loved me like their intent

I've always been the kind of person who throws
the crochet needle
when I can't get the string through the loop

my grandma used to try to teach me
but when I couldn't do it
the tears started,
then the anger,
then it felt like the end of the world
because yet again, another thing I failed

One day, I want to be the kind of person who tries again
and succeeds

a touch like yours
could resolve anything

and the chaos that follows me
needs to be tamed

are you really looking down on me?
...that's what they say
but I wonder,
how could you ever love me this way?

are you proud of me?
...that's my question day after day
because I wonder,
how could you ever enjoy seeing me this way?

are you okay?
...that's what I yearn to know
when I wonder,
how could you miss me when you're so far away?

the truth is, I have so many questions
but I don't know where to go
I want to know you
but I'm just too low