Hello?
Can you hear me?
I've been locked inside my head so long I can just barely whisper
That you've hurt me, broken me
That my wounds have been reopened by just the sound of your name
Whispered on the wisps of wind on my lips because they miss forming those letters

Hello?
Are you listening?
Are you checking your phone hoping you have a missed call from me
A voice-mail you can listen to over and over because you know I'll always leave one so you can hear the hole in my lungs where your name used to rest

Hello?
Do you even care?
Have you even thought of me or even asked how I was doing
We ended so abruptly that the scars on my wrists have been torn open and someone in your family rubbed salt into them so deep they just continues to ache
Ache for you to clean them and nurse them like you used to

Hello?
Can you see me?
Can you see me on the road going on without you
Can you see me getting stronger and learning to be my own person again
Because you stole the very thing that made me who I was
My soul

Hello?
Is this you?
Is this the monster you have turned into or the shell of who you used to be
Its okay none of it matters anyway, I just need you to know
You still mean nothing to me

Its sad really.
To pray every night to wake up with amnesia.
To completely forget everything.
To get a clean slate.
To get to start over.
To forget you.

I wouldn't remember your touch.
I wouldn't remember your smell.
I wouldn't remember your voice.
I wouldn't remember what you did to me.
I wouldn't remember how much you hurt me.
I wouldn't remember how much I loved you.

What's more sad than that,
Is if I met you during my second chance..
I would probably just fall in love with you again.
& then I'd be right back to praying.
Every
Night.
To wake up with amnesia.

I shouldn't write when I drink.
But my mind just feels free.
Nobody knows who I am anyways.
So it doesn't matter.
I can say how I truly feel.
& there's nobody to judge.
I shouldn't write when I drink.
But nobody cares anyways, right?

In a world full of corruption & chaos,
You are my safe place.
Even when you're causing all of my pain.
You are my safe place.

"Why do you stay"
I get this question everyday
& I never know how to answer.
After everything he has done to me
After everything he's put me through
& continues to put me through
I stay because of love
I stay because I'm waiting for the man I met
I'm waiting for the man I fell in love with
For the man who did no wrong
For the Prince Charming who awoke this fire in me I had never felt
For the man who never lied
For the man who was always there
For the man who sought me out
For the man who fought for me
For the man that chose me
For the man that won me

But I need to realize
That man is dead
Or maybe he never even existed
Because the minute I let him in
THE MINUTE I let my guard down
That man was gone.
& he NEVER, never returned.

Sometimes
I imagine myself dead
I picture what people will say
What people will do
Who will pretend to have known me
Who will be at my funeral
Who will visit my grave
But you know what I never imagine
Myself alive
I don't know what it feels like to be alive; to LIVE
I know I'm not dead because I'm breathing
My heart is beating
I feel pain
But I don't really live
I gave my all to someone
& they won't give it back...