21:00. Almost 24 hours later.
I have dragged it all day.
Letting it sweat out of my pores. (I hoped).
Spilling onto glassy onlookers on the motorway.
Burrowing holes within my skull.
Are you wearing jewellery?
Replaying your height in your mind?
Thinking of showers and churches?
Do you miss the long silence between carefully constructed words at 4am?
Are you morally superior?
Have the clocks ceased to chime for her?
Have you been ******* her in the car? On the kitchen table?
Maybe one day.
You are a Fred Perry polo and a cord skirt.
You are a PEOPLE MAKE GLASGOW pin.
When can I put in a period?
You made me start writing again.
Made me start cutting again.
Correction - I did.
I love you.
I love you too.
but that feeling had lost me some time ago now.
but yet,I had missed the innocent despair of hopelessness;
it just coincides so perfectly with the isolated night.
13 jan 22:59
Oh, to be young and
To cry with eyes stung
By a dove.
To watch as my face
Dawns the window,
And scream as morals
Reach a new low.
I’ll drown with the spider
And follow my love
When he would.
You would tangle your
Legs within mine
And I’ll trip upon
Bottles of wine.
But don’t tell a soul
What you see
This love was meant
Only for me.
Through wildest gardens I trespass.
Across barbed wire and flowers
planted by my best friends I crawl.
Only to fall through you
with forbidden rivers.
I follow you into the sun,
as it climbs clocks in my mind.
I find comfort in the thorns
as they tear my flesh,
and I bleed my own tears of dandelions.
With birthday candles you would hold me.
With shooting stars I can ask you
for your lips to write letters to my own,
Without the fear of doors confessing.
Call me in the early hours.
Admire me as I jump from the window.
I can cross your cigarette mind,
as streetlights and headlights dream of me.
I commit suicide in your arms
with whispers choking me.
Silent screams reach only you
who knows the sirens of my car
as I drive further away.
I miss your heaven.
I desire your volumes.
And weep for your hands.
Binge our universe
where we sleep together
underneath oak trees
and among flowers which we together planted.
growing uncontrollably through the barbed wire.
please hold me.
show me summer within your breath.
I need to touch you,
for I have watched a thousand miles go by.
but you do not need me to hold you.
as you live an eternal summer with her.
never will your nerves beg for my skin
while you cannot drive to me.
flute solos sing in my mind.
shirts scream at me in the store.
smoke seems to illustrate your lips.
sarcasm begs to break my heart.
hurl knives at my stomach and
allow them to disappear into my thigh and chest.
clasp my hand and smash a mirror
watch as I devour the shards.
paranoia is embodied by her height.
egotism lies and I am superior.
cancer corrects and I fall apart.
you don't love me the way you love her.
please don't abandon her
if you are leaving spring.
but please I beg of you
don't abandon me more.
Countless times they tell you
to speak, yet
countable times they tell you
of the ringing of the leap
and the acid of the crash.
You will never hear
of your heart choking you
or your blood deafening you
as you stand at the edge of his
77 story building.
You will seldom hear
of the mangling reality
that follows your dance from the top
When his arms do not need to catch you
and his eyes set you aside
To jump is to donate your soul.
To leap is to abandon your pride.
You're shielded on your 18th floor.
But **** -
his arms seem so tender.
Are you angry with me?
please be angry with me.
for that is the only reason I painted my lips
and that is the only reason I licked his.
and you are the only reason I wore this dress
and you are the only reason I allowed him to take it off.
I am despicable, I am careless
but I am despicable, I am careless for you.
you are the cause of the collapse of my heart
and you are the cause of the explosion in my chest.
Are you upset with me?
please be upset with me.
for that is the only reason I lead them all on
and that is the only reason I send the wrong texts.
and you are the only reason that they shiver in my presence
and you are the only reason that I have earned icy names.
I watch them without a care for their struggle
for you are the only one that cares about my own.
you are the cause of the breaking of my soul
the cracks that you are so familiar with you caused.
Are you in love with me?
Please be in love with me.
— The End —