You think no one has noticed
how you’ve been pick-pocketing pain
as you pass through crowds.
Usually misery loves company,
but you try to avoid dealing it out.
“No one deserves to be treated this way,”
is the kind of drug you need to be selfish about.
But you forget this applies to you, too.
Intentionally.
So you bundle the bits and pieces
in the nook in your chest,
where they pulse hungrily,
almost brutally.
But you don’t mind.
The only time you ever mind
is when you slice yourself open,
pouring out your darkest parts
right there,
on the bathroom floor.
Bottling up the hurt in mugs,
vases,
anything you can find, really,
for later use.
They’re overflowing now,
from what I’ve heard.
Barely able to contain all the weight
you wear upon your shoulders.
But some burdens shouldn’t
be carried,
or sold,
shelved away in unassuming little mason jars
in the back of your mind.
Some burdens have expiration dates.
Some things you need to let go of.
I have seen the way you collect scars
like passport stamps,
so you never have to speak.
They tell the stories of all you’ve been through,
cruel reminders that there’s
nowhere
on this earth you can run to
to escape this kind of heartache.
Instead, you document
every tear.
Every blow.
I bet I could even find some lashes
that aren’t even your own
printed on your skin
like a problem
you can never work out.
Life isn’t that simple, dear.
You can’t always solve for x.
There isn’t always an easy answer.
It’s best to leave some things undefined,
because some things you aren’t meant to fix.
And some things don’t want to be fixed,
no matter how hard you try.
You can stretch your arms
as wide as you’d like,
and you still wouldn’t be able to cradle
all the broken hearts in this world.
Believe me, I’ve tried.
I wish I had looked you in the eye
when I told you the truth.
When I said
Enough.
Put down the blade,
the only blood on your hands
is your own.
You’re staining your future rouge,
and those types of smears
don’t wash out with time.
But the lights were turned out,
and it’s hard to face the mirror
in the darkness.