The world constantly loses its meaning
It constantly redefines itself
At a point all is jumbled
Then good is bad
Bad becomes good
And so our world goes around
Changing the people with itself
Change being the only other constant leaving time
And in all the madness we living creatures learn to endure
In this madness created by us
Thus evolving into what we fear
Leading to our demise.

By touch, discovering the surface,
Touch, I can tell this world is real,
Your touch, I melted like light,
Even if just for a moment, I was sure.

You grew on me like an addiction,
An addiction that quit me,
I drank your trust,
Just a drop, mind,
You always wanted me to stop.

I destroyed in your pursuit,
I assured you I could handle it,
I could bring you the world in exchange.
But no.

I'm left alone.

Given a life to ****,
I know I killed mine,
It was with you I became,
Without you I came undone.

That old life of ours has come to pass,
You have already been reborn,
I have learned to live without you,
Still, the memory of how you made me feel stays.
I cannot explain why I love you more than my life.

Made to wonder,
What I wanted of life,
What it wanted if me,
Wanting more is good,
Appreciating what is had is too.
Lost in thought of what will happen,
It may be contemplated upon,
Letting the thought control one is futile,
Time occurs as a series of wins and loses.
A mess of living things.
On the edge of remembrance,
A photograph I saw,
It brought back memories,
Memories, memories
Of a me who feels like someone else.
I know it was me,
So I try to trace myself,
Back to when I was
In this memory of light,
Following myself to now,
I find I was never lost.
Past, present future,
Love, loss, regret,
Hope, happiness,
Simple, it has been so simple.
Made to wonder,
You’ll find, you’ve been at your best place,
All that ever mattered was being content.

The warmth from the light kept his mind on track, he thought of one thing as the light grew brighter, the fire catching all the wood.
Light faded from his eyes, he slipped into the last ever memory he had of her. He wished he’d died, he wondered why it wasn't the last memory of his life.

She was sitting beside him on the couch, her feet in his lap. She looked so beautiful in the soft light, her eyes shone with a sparkle alive with the dancing flames.

He looked to her and said, “Always, I always am unable to tell you… You know?”

“What do you mean? What do you want to tell me?” She asked him playfully, almost teasing him.

“I mean, I like… No, I love you…” He shied away from her piercing gaze.

“Aww” Chuckling at him, she asked, “Why don’t you look at me, and tell me what you love about me?”

Like a different person, but not quite, he slowly caressed her feet, lightly kissing them, “I love your feet, yes I do. I love your legs,” He spoke in whispers between the kisses he planted on her. “I love your soft thighs, I could rest my head there all day, looking up at you laugh. I love your soft belly. I love these soft hands. I love every bit of you…” He whispered last as he began to kiss her softly. “You know how long I've wanted to tell you that I love you?”

“No. Tell me” Her voice slipped out as a caress to his ears, as from closed eyes her lips tried to find his, as he toyed with the space between them.

“I've loved for much of the little while I know you, since the day I realized you are the one I want by my side, when I look besides”
Kiss.
“You I miss when I see my empty hand. You who’s taste I’ll remember in my mouth”
Kiss.
“You I want in my hands here, forever.”
Kiss. She tried to get up, she saw her phone ring.
“Don’t go. Don’t leave please”
Kiss.
“I love you so much, you make me feel like the world belongs to us. Mine to win”
Kiss.
“Don’t go”
He looked into her eyes, that sparkled with the dancing flames from the fireplace.
He looked at her one last time.

I keep waiting, even when I know it's not coming.

Today the world is bearable,
Good even!
Or maybe,
Today I'm bearable,
Good to the world.

The mistake I made was thinking that I have time.

I wanna lie in with you,
Caress you cheeks like its the best thing,
As I run my fingers through your hair,
Drawing you in for a kiss,
My hands run down your spine
I feel you like the work of art you are,
Tangled in your embrace like a blanket

Mist that bears on my mind,
I sift through to gather my thoughts,
Like sand they escape my grip,
Making signs along the corner of my vision,
Mocking me, teasing my failure to grasp them,
I know an idea lies therein,
If only this fog would lift,
Where is the sun that can cleanse my being,
Free me of this mist?

Air conditioners and taxis and fake smiles,
Drinking and smoking and everything vile,
An entourage, photographers and this world senile,
Its all so plastic, everyone so greedy, needy and futile,
I feel like the only sane degenerate, trying to make life worthwhile.

Wave after wave we rode the highs,
Steadying our footing before the next rise,
It all crashes into laughter and the salty foam,
Time flew by as the clouds framed the setting sun,
Lighting our path as the time came to head back home.

I lived in the fleeting moments loving the rush of being alive,
Forgetting about the dark night that lay over the horizon,
As we crossed the threshold back into our abode,
The interlude ended as the last light receded from the windows,
Leaving me in unattended in the murk of my thoughts.

Unequipped for the blackness that glared at me,
I searched for a glimmer of a forgotten dream,
There was once a fire that shone bright my hopes & ambitions,
Not even embers remain that I may stoke a new flame,
Aimlessly I move through the motions of the daily mundane.

Slowly collapsing under the unbearable weight,
Wishing that I could find meaning in life,
Or give up altogether and end it tonight,
"Why am I even here?" Echoes back at me from the dark,
I fear there is nothing else left for me here.

Staring at a hushed band of black, he was startled to realize he had been blindfolded. As he brought his hands to eyes to confirm, a soft voice said “Don’t”. He felt as if he could hear her smile. She took his hand and guided it to her face, to tell him even she had blind folded herself. She let out a playful yet nervous laugh, as urged him out of bed and onto the floor. And it began. In silence of their breathing, their hands searched each other, finger meeting finger, palm meeting palm… They began to discover each other, to feel the presence of the other, while the other obliged to play the muse. It all felt like the pause before a perfect kiss, like lips trying to find each other, their hands felt the existence of the other person, appreciating everything about them. As his hands found her face, felt what he knew knew to be the face he loved, he felt her lips, and traced her body to the curve of her neck. Swiftly he pulled her closer, hands caught in her hair, he kissed her once before they undressed.

A triangle is the most stable form except in relationships.

Hello my friend,
We meet again,
Just a smile to greet each other,
Then the catching up on life begins,
I didn't realize when we went from life to talking about life,
Running down memory lane,
Like lifelong friends we talk of things like we’re old men.
A sense of comfort seeps in,
As you allow me to be me,
Never asking me to be who you’d want me to be,
And I know this sunny day will go stay in the books of my memory of life,
A time worth more than any possession could be.
So we part with a smile,
Until next time, when it’ll happen all over again,
And we’ll meet like we never parted

I do it often, because you are worth writing about.

She brings happiness in places I never knew it existed,
She stays when I'm bathed in self-loathing and pity,
Nursing me back to a reality she makes bearable,
She saves me from drowning in the sorrows of depression,
She protects me from myself in the darkness of my mind,
She's all this and so much more I didn't know I needed,
I'm so madly in love with this woman and I want to tell her every waking moment,
The crazy thing is she doesn't even need to hear me say it,
And I know she loves me back

It is the hardest thing,
To undo myself piece by piece,
As I make space inside me,
But how do I let them go,
These opinions and memories I gathered,
Those little beliefs that I once thought define me,
I still try, fighting inside to let go,
To break the comfort zone,
Until I am naked again,
Bare to the world,
Erasing old scars to make way for new,
Running a mile in my new shoes.

If I woke up one day to not remember you

It felt so close, yet out of reach,
As if getting it would make everything better,
Sure it does in bits and pieces,
When I chose to receive the attention and care I seek from others and myself,
Yet here I am again,
Unable to accept the normalcy of life,
Everything is fine, everything is great,
Still I seek to escape from reality's grasp,
Searching for a non existent memory of myself,
Memory of who I think I should be,
That ideal version which I cannot become,
For I am incomplete,
A  bottomless hole of despair inside me that I thought I could fix,
Constantly swallowing all my joy,  
I hoped that love and companionship will hold my broken pieces so tight,
And reshape me in new light,
Failing to see this not alchemy,
It won't turn my rotting being to gold suddenly.

In a land of no land,
Where the word land has no meaning,
The Horizon is the only destination.

The light breeze brushing the skin,
Eyes staring out the window at nothing,
The hum of the city that is a hum no more,
The ears escaped to seek sounds of shores,
There is no noise in the thoughts that came,
A remark on the irony of time is made,
The pictures are old, faces in them are young,
A wonder as to whom those faces now belong,
As the piano plays the eyes see a montage,
Tears find their way across a cheek,
Echoes heard from memories gone,
Wishes are made to return to the past.
Today will be a memory again,
May be full of hope, or of regret,
Arms searching to hold them,
Hands wanting to make the future,
The mind a fallen leader with wisdom.
Happiness is sought, had less often,
Some understood it was not to be found,
But accepted.

Tomorrow,
Some day,
I will do everything,
I wanted to.

I searched for you for a lifetime,
It felt like the impression of your being rested in my soul’s memory,
I never had to know you to know who you are,
But was it something of how I wanted it to be?
Was it just a figment of my imagination?
I feel my want for you put my senses in illusion,
Showed me colours in the world of grey,
Because I refused to see more than my desire,
I lived in my bubble of lies,
But the day when the price to pay came,
I finally told my heart what the rest of me knew,
That you were never mine to have,
You always belonged to someone else,
I will break my smile for some time,
Lock myself in a box and grieve,
Till the day come when I again learn to smile,
When I see you in another face,
And pretend I know her like I really knew you/And think I know her like I really knew you
Keep turning the pages despite the paper-cut

Happiness, contentment, peace,
They are all but petty,
When I am dying,
Drowned in the void
Left by you
When you stole my heart.

I found a box full of sound,
In the silence I heard it sing in my mind,
Your memory gave me a lot to hum about,
I will play for you something from my heart.

We sometimes do unforgiveable things,
Some regrettable, and the best we can do,
Is live with them.

It is hard to describe how beautiful you look,
Harder still to capture it by my hands.
Yet, here I am closely following each line of your face,
Like taking it in for the first time,
Almost like falling for you all over again.

Drizzle to downpour, the gloomy light lit up my day

I fell for that basic human endeavor,
To find me a place where I made sense,
Living that sleepless dream of unreal desire,
Listening for songs where I belong,
On this tiny speck adrift in space I call home,
Quantifying the distances and spaces between us,
Past the horizon from me in all directions,
I found a way around the earth that led me back to you,
When I looked at you I was thinking, if only,
Then you looked into me and your eyes acknowledged,
I pointed to that future,
I said, let us get to us,
You said to wake me from my dream,
Indulging with me was a variability involving risk you were not willing to take,
For memory of a confused yes,
With lack of pictures with stories,
An unnamed story of yours, entangled with mine,
You became that forgotten part of my life that I can’t stop recollecting,
So I do what I did promise,
Till death, I will live my life.

Unless I start to walk I won’t get anywhere, unless I take action my destiny won’t be fulfilled,
I wait here to realize my purpose,
So does my purpose wait for me to fulfill.

I went a million miles, had a thousand things to do, yet nothing seemed to matter to me, without having you. I asked myself why it was so, I found I had to reason to do, no fulfillment to attain, like an existence without purpose, my reasons ending on you

Tides turn, come and go,
Seasons pass, things keep moving,
Life keep moving forward,
But some things never change.
I hoped that some day I'll get over you,
I feared I was becoming obsessed,
It seems so simple, that I had to just let go.
But no.. Its been 4 years since we met,
Three and a half of which I have spent being in love with you,
I'm glad I told you from the start,
You've been my saving grace.
That you never loved me hurt often,
More so when you said you'll never be able love me back,
I always knew, it still hurt. And I accept it all now.
Despite knowing, here I am today, still finding myself thinking of you every spare moment,
Hanging to your every word,
All the little things you have that define you,
Wondering how your day goes, if you're alright,
The longer I spend away from you,
I steadily wither inside,
Knowing you belong to some one else,
It doesn't seem to change my feelings,
In fact your happiness is my main concern.
Through this mess I can only recall the times we've spent together,
Those moments where you allowed me into your world,
I think you are worried of hurting me,
But those times, in the club at night,
Sitting in at home and getting drunk,
Laying on the same hammock hoping we don't fall,
Staying up all night to see the rising sun,
Those moments where we were just.. We were.
It wasn't much to you, but in those moments,
I soared, I healed, I was inspired,
Proving that you're good for me.
And again I'll remember you're not mine,
That you don't want me and never will,
And this rant is all a waste,
I still don't understand why I can't get over you,
Why even after 4 years of not having you,
I love you so much

It stopped hurting when I accepted that you are gone.

A good day has been long since had,
There was no dark cloud in the sky,
Or something such, but the absence of one.
With the lack of rain and something more,
Passed day after day with habitual motion,
There was no cloud, there was nothing wrong.
The everyday was so uninspired,
We begged for rain so that we might again,
After the gloom appreciate the sun.
But we denied ourselves contentment,
Because we discovered something beyond the sky,
Then in passing we sought each other,
Hoping to share something more,
Like how we were happy with the sky,
Then the rains, then back to the sky,
With the lack of we learned to appreciate pain.  
With the chaos of unplanned fun,
We called it a good day again.

My thoughts wander without destination
At three a.m. in the night,
I wish they'd come home,
For it feels like I haven't slept in years,
And have forgotten the pleasure
Of watching the sun rise.

And so another night I take to bed my demons

The cloud that is my love for you,
Burst for I could contain it no more,
A lightness creeps into my gloom,
As your season comes to pass from my heart,
I look back at the times I thundered and roared,
You faced me like sea of calm,
Accepting all my anger and distress,
Making them into paper boats to float away,
The rainbows that shine are testament,
Of the magnificence that spawned this undying love.

I know I’m safe seeing you again each day,
I fear losing you when into the world I set you free,
I wish I could keep you in front of my eyes forever,
To let you never feel lost and alone ever.
So hard to say goodbye,
Leaving you each day,
Never seeing you again scares me,
Parting to meet again will always be.

Hanging upside down he saw the world,
A world that finally made sense to him -
Not because he was hanging upside down,
But because he understood the straight.

Sweet Sleep at Last
The wind blows hard,
The sky ripe.
The ground from under my feet disappears,
And I fall towards the blight.
The past flashes in front of my eyes,
Faded memories alike.
I fall from the heavens,
Seeing freedom below,
The ground just a barrier to cross,
Death just a toll booth.
The note that bid the world farewell for me
Now flies in the sky,
A few feet above the ground,
I see my final send off,
The world is a blur,
Color losing from the sky.
I had bid in my note,
Heavens witness my cremation,
That I be laid beneath the starry sky.
The world is a blur,
For the last time,
I close my eyes.

As we lay in a warm embrace,
The sounds enveloped our beings,
I closed my eyes for I feared it would end,
For I feared you'll want to leave at some point,
My thoughts couldn't decide if it was real,
When suddenly you held me closer,
I opened my eyes to make sure you're okay...
When did we leave the ground?
Your racing heart belied your excitement,
A silly smile dawned my face,
Your love so strong gave me wings

Your perfection momentarily tempted me to believe in god's existence

I'm taken aback sometimes,
When people express interest in my company,
Because I don't in my head

Time is running out,
Soon it will come,
When I will see you,
Fall in love for the last time.

Could we just lay on the roof,
And gaze at the stars,
Slowly they'll pass as we spin around,
We'll hold hands and I'll smile as I wonder,
How in the vastness I found you,
Nothing short of a miracle.

We are all the same space dust.
Millennia after we are gone,
Our light, will keep shining,
Travelling on and on, when some day,
We may be seen in another world,
As the stars we are.

I quit smoking,
I learned to live without you.

But I still love you both.

I set out of my home with a smile towards the sun,
For today I felt free from the burden of carrying my heart,
The heart that swells at simple things,
A brave explorer that trusts this world.
I smile today knowing my heart is safe behind a lock,
Going about my day like any other,
The emptiness in my chest starts to itch,
My mind trying to feel something, anything.
I tell it I am uncertain if I am strong enough,
That the scars of the past have healed,
Where they stole a part of me like it was nothing.

Like an addict my mind tries to bargain with me,
To feel something but this sterile lack of emotions.
Despite myself I gave in to this urge,
I open the lock and hold my heart in my hands,
And it beats to tell me that it's okay to feel,
That I need not punish myself for their actions,
Though I lost a part of me, I still have the rest,
And as we travel and explore the unknown together,
We will rebuild our soul, better than ever.

I can't feel the world outside,
It’s heat trying to reach me.
I’m trapped in this Styrofoam house,
Where my identity bathes in itself,
Out of touch from the world is a bad place to be!
I’m not necessarily alone,
But sometimes in this Styrofoam box I’m lonely.
Not too bad, just a little irritating to the skin.