Your hushed laughter so sultry,
Makes me want to kiss you over and over,
And taste you top to bottom,
You **** thing

We looked down at ourselves,
The sky behind a cold fire,
Seemed to me like I was flying,
But the wave crashed into foam and reality
And I was reminded of my place here,
For the sky belonged to the cotton clouds and sinking sun,
The sand under my feet moulding itself to our presence,
The wind blowing away the world behind,
And in this moment on the white sand we lay,
This last forever I pray...

Thanks for the smiles,
Thanks for the laughs,
Thanks for the gifts,
Thanks for the special moments,
Thanks for the sorrows, I’m sorry for the ones I gave,
Thanks for the help,
Thanks for teaching me all I know,
Thanks for pushing me so I could get here,
Thanks for being my world,
Thanks for the memories,
I hope to cherish them in the afterlife,
Thanks for making my life precious, worth living,
Goodbye till I see you next time,
I hope to see you some day in another life.

I know ma, on many things we don’t see eye to eye,
All that you've given me compares to nothing anyone else could give or buy for me,
For all your belief in me as a being,
You ever existing love despite the wrongs I did,
I know I tend to stray to wrong deeds,
But your determination to my life brings me back,
I know we've had our fights,
And I've learned in the end you’re always right,
I wish I could take back the times I made you cry,
Every time I did I died a little inside,
I hope today to be the person you know I will be one day,
To make you proud I lived the right way,
When I see you I know the world’s going to be alright,
Because whenever I fall, you’re always here to hold me,
Wipe my tears, and help me face Life.

With pillows on our heart to save
From bruises and misfortune and that person we love,
Intoxicated to our toes in magic of our brains,
Holding hands to assure a future where you smile,
Waiting to make promises we will break,
But that didn't matter in the moment
Your eyes spoke to mine,
Afraid of what was coming,
Afraid that we were going to hurt later,
Yet, unafraid for it all didn't really matter,
The day stood still witnessing the sparks,
Flying from our lips as they collide.

Amidst the dense,
Mouthing names,
When you grieve,
When you celebrate,
Names whispered to oneself,
You miss them,
Everyone does.
Immortal within.
Unspoken.

[insert definition]

I didn't realize it’s raining,
How long has it been?
Seems like the days ending…
Look, the city seems to be still,
I think I can hear its heart beat,
Or is it mine?
The murmur of the rain swallows and washes away all we say,
Let’s sit and talk, you know how I like to hear you say,  
Sitting at the window,
Hearing the rain talk its soft pain,
As it beats against the walls,
We wish our time away,
Chasing the droplets racing down the glass.

It’s been a long day,
I come home to you,
Long hours having worked me away,
I know all I want is to be with you.
Your smile melts the day away,
Your touch smoothens the creases.
I know you read my eyes,
Spared me the long talk,
Your hands effortless to pull me closer,
Your most magnificent kiss.
You got me wishing the night never end,
You got me wondering if I’m dreaming this moment we’re in.
Just take me into your loving arms my love,
Just extinguish the craving inside.
Then put me to sleep in your warm embrace,
Making the night go on forever.

I remember the time,
When it poured down,
Chasing away the brightness,
Chasing away the summer heat,
The time I desire solitude,
The gloomy afternoon,
The dark noisy nights,
The water hitting the roofs,
And hitting the streets,
Cars splashing in puddles,
Like kids playing in them,
Alas
The time is here again,
When I feel gloomy,
But complete again,
I walk out of my home,
Welcoming the clouds,
Embracing their gift to me,
And I close my eyes,
And tell myself quietly
The rains are here again.

The only place you'll find me is in my dreams.

Things aren't going in my favour..

It's like the universe conspires against me

May be I don't deserve her,
May be I am not good enough

What happened? Where did I go wrong?

There is a wall between me and my abilities

I let them down... I let myself down. I don't know what to do

Why?

Why can't I just do this, this one thing?

I don't feel like going out.. I don't want them to see my weakness

I don't want to be happy, because this important thing has become the centre of my universe, and my inability to do this is ruining my self worth

Can I ever be happy?

Can I take this load off my mind, these shackles that make it hard to breathe?

The weight of the world and its responsibilities is slowly killing me

I'll fix it, I'll try and fix it.. Its been three weeks, I know I am late, but I will fix it, even though there are a hundred others things I can get done

I know I can do this, I have done it before.. and yet, there is a lurking fog in my mind that is not letting me think clearly

I wish I could just give everything up

I don't want to be with them, I don't want to be the worthless ******* in the room, in any room. I don't deserve them anyways

I happened to land the job my chance, I don't know if I am good enough for it

Would she ever notice me? .. why would she ever love someone like me?

I think I don't love myself. I don't know how

The night is good.. no people. No one to deal with, no one to remind me of how incompetent I am at life. Escaping

Let me take a nap, I think it'll help sort my thoughts out

... I'll do it later. I'm not in the mood right now, not feeling it

I am scared. I am lonely

I wonder how much easier everyone's life would be, if I just died, or never existed..

I want to fly away forever, but not without you.

I will try.
The feeling of a hot cup of coffee on a rainy day,
The warmth of the blanket on a cold night,
The want to stay in bed every morning,
The first time witnessing snow fall,
The satisfaction of having cake,
These feelings of ecstasy,
Put altogether,
That is kind of how it feels to love you.
And much more

I wait for the days when,
Loves songs stop being about you,
When I can again make promises of forever

The crescendo rose, the final act upon them. The fluid motions of dance, poetry in motion, just stole the viewers away from their seats. As she rose to the finale, about to make the final jump, like all the other times she knew not what was going to happen, if he’d catch her. She jumped anyways, not because the show had to go on, because she saw in his eyes the assurance that he’ll not fail her. So she jumped from above, to fall into the arms she trusted.

I sat nervously gazing elsewhere, unsure if I deserve you

We looked around not thinking straight,
I undermined myself in front of her,
Inside her mind she did the same,
We knew we wanted the other,
But we didn't know the other wanted the same,
Strangers alike we sat there,
Of waiting opportunities we were unaware.

Received a letter from myself,
It said,
"I forgive you"

Under bulletproof glass
I'll keep our dreams,
When the night is right
They will find our eyes,
In them I'll see you,
I'll see you soon.

Like indistinct windows of a passing train,
Shifting my eyes to keep up with the stories,
Stories and people in each window,
Life passes me like the blurred train,
I am afraid I'll miss it, not fast enough to keep up.  

Once every now and then this feeling creeps in,
That I'm not good enough, may be I don't belong,
On days I soar higher than the clouds,
It comes down to my abilities and limitations,
And my fear that I don't know enough.

When I soar I remember the feeling,
Like I'm invincible and can do anything,
More importantly though, I feel my existence is justified,
People in my life with their kindness and affection,
Make me feel loved.

I forget that often, that I am loved,
Trapping myself in a bubble of misery,
Chained to the burden of my fears and failures,
Then out of nowhere you come along and carry the whole of me,
With my good and bad, I fly again in your love.

What if I am a figment of my imagination?

You smile like always, as you greet me,
In our time apart you've grown I see,
The absence we shared is never questioned,
You helped me look ahead to today.
It has been hard for you, I can tell,
The things that made you who you are,
While I was petty in my little solar system of needs,
In simplicity you lived the moment.
You are the bravest person I know,
With all the things you wake up to see another day,
Never giving up, never complained,
Accepting what you got, while I stressed.
I will take away from you a new beginning,
Where I will strive to be a better person.

I want to make you feel
How I feel when I think of you,
What it takes to be in control,
And not die under the weight of the love
I carry for you,
That every cell in my being craves you more than oxygen,
That you are the earth to my moon,
The sun to my darkness,
So oblivious of your own beauty,
Blind to my suffering.

I am not writing,
I am talking to you,
Whomever cares to hear,
Thank you.

My sentence is still being written
In the book of life.

I am awaiting that punctuation,
That brings us together

We've lived through our mistakes,
Often saturated of situations,
Willing to give up
At the darkest hour,
Breaking ourselves,
Letting them throw stones,
Inflicting some ourselves,
I've had my bad days,
You've had yours,
Don't be so ashamed,

Here i dropped through that crack in the floor, something had happened, what I didn't know. I see a world of miracles around me, a beauty of no match. There I saw a child’s first toy, like the most precious in the world to him, there I saw another held so closely, safe in her mother’s arms. I walked about in what seemed the world of fantasy, and I couldn't help but smile at all these things around me, everyone seemed to be happy, seemed to have that very thing they’d wanted all their lives… It was a very sunny place, with all the positivity.

Spending some time there started to build in me an uncertainty, as everyone seemed to be stuck in their moment of glory, I saw events happen over again, someone running into the arms of their beloved in a wild moment, and there seemed to creep an unspoken desperation in my conscience….

Travelling this somewhat twisted wonderland, I came across something that told me what I was doing here… There I saw myself with a woman without a face, with many faces, the woman I love… The pain was numbing. This was the wasteland of lost hopes and dreams, and maybe I am here because someone lost hope on me.

I guess I'm trying to say good bye,
For I may never return...

It's late in the night,
But we kept awake talkin,
It was always comforting,
Knowing you are there,
My first thought in the morning,
My last though as I drift into sleep,
Always you,
Even now I'll catch myself thinking,
Of you,
And I miss the times,
When you were my first thought,
In the morning, and my last thought,
At night when I did not dream,
Because you were with me.

Chasing the hands
While they run away,
Tireless
The musings of every day,
Their charm wears off of me,
I noticed those cracks really late,
The cracks in my house
Showing signs of weathering,
The cracks in my behaviour.

I can’t seem to shut the noises in my head,
Replaying all the words said,
I’ve been trying hard to avoid it all
From the moment the fight began to the end,
But this friction is wearing me out,
It’s making me sad and crippled,
I feel like I am dying inside,
There is no safe place to be,
All these egos clashing,
All these talks of unfulfilled expectations,
Everyone wanting the other to be as per their definition,
The putting on of fake mask in front of you,
To hide what I want to say in fear of another riot,
Inside I fight myself to be what you expect,
Outside I act like what of me I feel other’s expect,
I’m a loser in the race of what people decide is best,
Of what people think is fun and what they think everyone should have.
I fear I’m not like metal, which bends to the smith’s will,
But I’m like glass, hard enough to sustain the weather,
But ready to break when the blow strikes.

We should be together because,
It took six billion years,
And a lot of violence,
To get to here, to us.

It was but a rising tide than an explosion,
Bringing life to a halt, but still we endure,
Time was always a luxury I couldn't afford,
Now that I have so much of it I fail to be cured,
Cured of this stillness that resides within me,
Courage to create eludes and blankness stares back from the mirror,
Am I just a shadow of who I once was?
Was I once a shadow mistaken for light?
A distant audience to my own mediocre life,
All that I learned goes to waste in the dungeons of my mind,
Everything new spills out for no more can be accommodated within,
Does everyone else too feel bleak like a dying tree?
Is it me who is just dead inside,
So self absorbed and blinded to my surroundings,
Washed in self pity that I can't see what lies at the next step,
Then again why do I believe a word I say,
When this sadness has become my security blanket.

There are three things that matter,
You, me, and us.

I thought of writing you a letter,
One that spoke of my heart to you,
How with you things felt better,
Where to begin I didn’t have a clue.

I wondered of the sun and moon,
Of mountains majestic and waters blue,
Of the season where flowers bloom,
Of rains with their warmth in gloom.

None of them seem to say it right,
Of what my heart feels when you call to me,
The times you remind me of myself when I forget,
I realize like a fool I didn’t need all the mockery.

All I wanted to say was so simple,
When on the white I wrote in blue,
Nothing else said it better than the three oldest words,
I love you.

One day will come again,
When we will waste the night,
Talking about distant things,
Watching the stars cross the night sky,
Away from the world we'll watch the sun rise.

Shimmering like light on water on a summers day,
Or like the galaxy of shards of broken glass,
Your experience is rewarding at times when you don't try so hard to push me away,
At times it pierces my heart.

It’s hard here where people have their own little solar systems of needs. I need a glass of whiskey with some dilution, so I can explain myself better to them. May I come visit you after? I swear I won’t be a bother. I understand if you don’t want me there. It’s the whiskey, isn’t it? You needn’t do me a favor, only if you really want me to. (and I say to myself, there our solar systems collided)

On the bed besides me it was cold last night,
I dreamt of waking with you,
A dream that felt so right,
The loneliness inside with the darkness grew,
The loneliness without you that I now come to fear,
Wish you were here...

The solitary walks on the beach,
The ghosts if your footsteps besides me haunt my imagination,
The warmth of the sunset beyond my reach,
For you I die every moment, my aching heart the indication,
Please don't let this end in a tear,
Wish you were here

Wake up thinking it’s just another day,
I didn’t realize it’ll be all different,
Went on to exist in my bubble where things run wild in imagination,
But when I looked around I couldn’t see you anywhere,
And suddenly it became a regularly irregular day,
No matter how many times it happens,
I can never get used to the thought of the day without you in sight,
Truthfully, I miss you every moment without,
I’m afraid of saying it for I wonder if you’ll feel afraid,
Knowing how much you’re on my mind,
Instead I think when you’ll be back from the world outside,
Maybe you’ll tell me what adventures you had there,
What interesting people you met,
I’ll fumble with telling you how much I missed you,
Cover for it with something stupid I did,
And you’ll call me an idiot,
I’ll laugh and think to myself,
Your idiot I’ll always remain,
I’ll fall asleep wondering how
Irregularly regular the day was,
Without you.

Is where I want to be

I want to promise to build you a castle,
But there are no castles any more,
I want to make you my queen,
But the kingdoms are now countries,
I hoped to make you a house in the suburbs,
With fewer houses we move to urbanity,
Despite my complaints and empty ambitions,
Wherever life takes me, with you is my home.

Come with me, let's take a walk down your favourite street,
We'll laugh and reminisce and get your favourite ice-cream,
You'll show me the places you plundered as a child,
Where you scraped your knees and wept a little a while,
With tales of mischief and fears and laughter and sadness,
I'll be mesmerized by your innocence and kindness,
The kindness the world and it's people tried to rob of you,
Your excitement witness of the magic of how there was nothing you couldn't do,
I swear in the moment, it will all be true!

Would you stay for a while, if I asked you to?
Would you frown, or would you smile,
When I say, you’re the best part of my day?
Would you mind if I told you every time I see my phone,
I’m searching for your name to show up?
My every moment of happiness with you I want to share,
I hope you don’t get scared when I say,
In my mind all the time you’re there

Reminiscing what had been,
Of the times when by your eyes,
Only I was seen.

Never will I hold their attention, never again,
Never will I have that affection, ever again.

I wish I could change what we have come to be,
I wish we could still be us,
Not just you and me.

When I asked you how you were doing,
If you were well,
Your fake laughter belied everything,
Of the pain inside it did tell.

I see how hard you work to convince me,
But I see through the hypocrisy.

I wish I could still tell you everything is going to be okay,
I know this separation makes it harder for you every day.

I wish I could change what we have come to be,
I wish we could still be us,
Not just you and me.

Long the longing has ached you,
The waiting for that touch that caressed you,
The hug that held you,
To protect you from the world,
Even if it was no more than to hold you up,
To face the road ahead,
The shoulder that never gave you up,
Or maybe a hand to hold you warm,
Like a blanket in the cold of lonely nights,
The love that is yours even when you don’t belong to them,
Where every second spent with them will last you,
Till the lights go out.
You don’t know me,
But you will know,
If you have waited, like I have,
To hear these words.

It grows from the sight of you,
Simmering ever so slowly,
From a thought of you,
To the thought of without you,
When we were strangers,
Wonder if you were curious too,
Why this need to see you smile,
Why I don't know you but still,
I want your eyes to hold me,
Hold me like I would you,
Never understood what I haven't said,
But implied,
In your silence and lies I heard echoes in your head,
Never heard when I told you to trust me,
I guess how I cared you failed to see,
Making me just another figurine,
Dusting in your memory,
You taught me despite my tries,
You don't know me.

I know ma,
I don’t tell you ever,
How much I care,
I feel shy, sometimes scared,
If I could live up to you,
Wishing to undo those times,
When I hurt you,

You feel I refuse to grow up,
It’s because I wish not to,
Growing up would mean,
I would be independent,
Doing things for myself,
But I don’t know,
What I would do,
What I would be,
Without you

That’s why I have you wake me up,
Every day, in the morning,
Your face is the first I see,
The times you chide me,
For little things,
I know it’s alright,
Because you’re caring for me,
And I know I’m your child,
And I always will be

There I stood looking into your eyes,
I saw a world in them
Where I want to reside,
All this while the sun came and went,
Countless times our wishes with stars,
Went into the black night,
Was it you that caught mine?
i wait for a memory of you
All the times I imagined of how it would be,
I never thought it would be so right,
The moment comes,
Into the night you look for a star to safely send my wish ahead,
Send me back my wish with a kiss,
So I never forget,
For I may never know how it feels,
The truth of what others say,
There's nothing better when it fit so perfectly,
Your hand in mine.