I waited for you to come home after
Angry words were exchanged
And the smell of beer lingered on your breath
I covered my ears and wondered
If I was going to inherit your alcoholic escape artist gene when
Inevitable Tragedy whispered in my ear all day and watched me sleep all night
I imagine that in your intoxicated haze
Of blacking out, forgetting and remembering
You think:                                
"Something isn't right and I can't go home" as Tragedy hands you another Corona,
And you drink.

i’ll show you my mask,
if you show me yours.

Recently, I often find myself feeling small
I know “small” isn't a legitimate emotion but when you live in a city of 825,863 people
And attend a university of 30,500 other kids
Who stumble and still manage to fake the answers to
Why why why
Where where where
How why where when when when
When your best friend lets The City change her into a stranger in a skin-tight dress at a club
And your boyfriend throws excuses like rocks at your naked body
And your closest friends are these words running across the page
Faster and faster and faster until these letters bleed and run and you don’t know what they mean anymore,
You start to feel small too.
Shrinking and shrinking and shrinking and shrinking and shrinking and constantly shrinking
Until you are the tiniest dot on a map in their hearts and flushed through their veins and spat out like a bad taste in their throats.

I've inherited my mother's fear
And my father's bitterness
And he inherited his father's recklessness
And his mother's pain
And she inherited
And he inherited
And we've inherited hatred of our own kind
Passed down from the terrorists who have colonized the lands and minds and bodies of my ancestors
And I can feel the anguish & the effects of this hereditary agony from here;

I am ready to heal.

Your breath was so warm on my skin and
I am a *******
Because I miss you too much
I’m an addict for your kisses and ask you if these are what cigarette withdrawals feel like
And I know you're not about that
Sappy love poem ****
Or writing about the girl you love now
Because I am a piece of trash
Who loves you too much
I wonder if you can feel the desperation
On my lips when we kiss
Or when I hold your hand a little tighter
Because you are the universe to me
And I can't let you go
I’m terrified because you can make me feel like the sun in the sky
Or the dust under your feet
Other boys are dull and starless
But you are a lightning storm
Setting me ablaze with fire and passion
And I’m so pathetic because
I cry too much at 4am when I spill my insecurities to you
And I write too much sad poetry when you're away

So I'll read your novels about carelessly falling in love with other girls
Or wordlessly listen to your stories about dating models and your almost relationships with girls who collect men like earrings
And I wonder if you can hear my heart break when you rest your head against my chest
Because I am a piece of trash

You snipped my red string with scissors constructed of
guilt and manipulation
And wound it so tight, the fingertips he once kissed turned blue
In hasty desperation to make a forced connection, your clumsy fingers
tangled
end to end, artificial “fate”s sealed with ****** knots and whispered promises of false hopes and starry-eyed, idealistic dreams of naive men              
You twirled me in circles until  dizziness felt like love, until I was convinced that I could only see straight with you next to me
Your kisses tasted like passion and coffee and deceit
Your touch seared my broken skin and left me gasping for more

You make me figuratively hate the skin that I'm in
And I want to claw it off my bones, layer by layer, until I literally hate the skin I'm in                            
How dare I let tears fall at night and sob myself into submission
To you
And your hurtful words
Your hurtful silence
The knife in your hand
The knife in your back
And the scissors she used to sever
Her string and yours

I wish you would love yourself
Because when you treat him like the universe and he treats you as a single star in his bright galaxy,
You will have nothing except him and bitterness
And questions full of “why”s and answers full of “you deserve better”s

You are not a piece of trash
You are human
You are love and empathy and generosity
You have a heart too full for some people to handle and that’s not a bad thing
You deserve to be happy

When its 2am and you are half asleep with the telephone tucked under your pillow, waiting for his call
Do not make excuses
Not for him, not for yourself
Because you are not worthless
You are not annoying
You are not senseless
You are not self-pitying
You deserve to preserve your overflowing heart
Without having to build concrete walls
To see who will care enough to come with the sledgehammer
You are the rain and sunshine above your own head
And the dirt beneath your bare feet
"You are the universe experiencing itself"
So please love yourself
Take care of yourself
Write your own novels
About carelessly falling in love with the Manila skyline
With words that shake your soul
Press your ear against the grass and the earth
And listen to Nature's heartbeat
You are not trash
You are alive
You are beautiful