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Shell of a Man Jun 2019
I cut my hair today
But didn't feel any different
  I looked into the mirror
   and cried.
Shell of a Man Apr 2018
No one will ever love you like me
And that's for the best
Shell of a Man Mar 2018
Love.
A dangerous, cantankerous thing. No anchor is made for this
Pen and paper blamed for it, if I had a name for it
If I had a name for it, then I would be a slave for it

She said that I scoff too often
That I'm often too lost in the moment
The moment we first met, she smelled like a poem. Like loose leaves in the fall.
She had me falling like a paper plane with clipped wings
Winging it onstage because I reached the spotlight and forgot all my lines
She said it was fine. She never liked my acting anyway
She said if she wanted to date a phony, she would have gone for Oscar or Tony
If she wanted a Golden Globe she wouldn't have settled for a Lemonhead
She said I'm too sweet. That my lips look like strawberry fields and my kisses taste like forever. Yeah, she's a Beatles fan.
I was more of a fan of needles. On a syringe binge, she was my heroine in a red dress
I wanted her address to correspond with where my head rested
I wanted to take the rings from my eyes and wrap them around her finger so she would know she was the reason I couldn’t sleep at night
She said I was her knight in shining armor. Like a page from a fairy tale

Love.
If I had a name for it, maybe I could’ve changed for it
Played the game a different way and kept
her away from it

Her laughter was supposed to be my happily ever after. But it was stifled by heaven's rifleman
Like lightning striking twice and thunder had the audacity to applaud
She said I'm going home. I'm going back to God.
She said that this was the plan all along and if I'm ever longing for her face then I need to face the facts, retrace our steps and reenact for a friend. This isn't the end.
This is just a long-lost friend coming back to visit, isn’t it?
Cold hands gripping getting wet. Blurred vision, can I see her yet?
Timid lemonhead pressed against her wilting smile
She asked what were the first lines I remember writing about her…

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Every road has led me to you

She said that I scoff too often
That I'm often too lost in the moment to know when she's gone
The moment she left. She smelled like a poem. Like loose leaves in the fall
I'm falling from cloud nine, the wind constantly reminding me that she was never mine
And if she was His the whole time, she should have told me. Because now…
Now I have no one to hold me when I drop
No one to scold me when I scoff
No one to write a poem about when I'm lost

If I had a name for it, my mother would tell me
to pray for it. Ain’t that a shame that I am to blame for it?
What’s in a name but a home and a place to grow?
Every passing season gives me a reason too...
Spring showers, summer sun, and winter cold
Hold my name in contempt and place the blame


...she smelled like a poem. Like lost leaves when she fell for me.
Love.
A revised version of an old poem. One of my favorites.
Shell of a Man Jan 2018
Feathers and wax across my back like a cheap crucifixion
I'm used to drifting too close to a euphemism
My youth is missing. Is That you I'm missing?
Call a truce so I can get used to living
You have this fool's permission to choose to listen
The cruelest mission, begging you to forget what you have witnessed
Undue retention, how to undo the tension
Between two tendons I never thought to mention
How I'm lost in a pit with crimson pitch and
A godless pen. How odd is this fiction if we've lived it?
Random nighttime writing. Writing out the nonsense until I find what I mean to say.
Shell of a Man Dec 2017
How vile, how evil to live beneath your veil
Words are funny.
Shell of a Man Dec 2017
seize the deed to my heart
A hollow house that you could turn into a home
maybe give it a few stories
sometimes you write and find that the story is best told in a few lines.
Shell of a Man Dec 2017
She believes in God.
I believe in the ocean
Under the son soaked in faith
An open vase with two matches, a home for two soul mates
She says she wants a love like that
But I can't tell the smoke from the ashes

She feels like forever and that scares me
Daring me to let her but, to be fair, I never thought I'd care so much
Torn and severed, I lay everything bare. The air is broken with unspoken words
Whenever I open my mouth to say something clever, my heart gets the better of me
For better or worse, will I ever see this vendetta set at ease? 
Perpetually vexed at this lack of confederacy. My tongue tells evidence of a mutiny
Truthfully I usually don't curse in these verses but they used to be so worthless
Without a purpose, only penned to purchase penance
How earnest my pen is when it mentions your existence
Will you witness this witless prince in his attempt to win this with his passion? 
Like a centuries old symphony soaked in similes, they'll sing of your love whenever they mention me
Though this moment will, one day, be a distant memory within the halls of history
I will not let expiration dates hinder me. Every soliloquy hereafter will be like hymn mimicries
An endless blend of love, life, and everything in between
Between you and me, I'm still wishing we sing those songs together 
What a perfect ending we'd be.

She believes in love
Maybe I'll believe in time
Drowning.
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