Up North, by the Russian border,
It gets so cold your breath
Freezes and floats to your
Feet in a fountain of
Sparkling microsmithereens.

Sibirians call it
Whispering Stars.
I swear on my name it's a
Sight beyond description, with

Northern Lights coiling like
Mating snakes
On a sky so full of moon and
Stars it's almost alien

Above you.
Easiest peace.
The sound of Gods
Meditating.

Silence itself opens its
Quiet eyes and looks into yours
Like a living abyss you look down,  
Looking back.

The purest of Existence's
Everythings.
The now cry in
Snow Crystals.

Zen in

Frozen.

Sometimes I lie
in bed at night
dying to fall asleep and wishing I do
not wake up
the next day.
(I've had enough.)
But I always do.

Sometimes I lie in bed
at night
so scared of falling asleep;
what if I do
not wake up
the next day?
(I haven't had enough!)
But I always do.

Do you know who you are?
You are my heart and my soul
My light and my laughter
The warmth that sparks the consuming flames of my passion
You are the sweet taste of love left moist upon my desirous lips
The fire that burns within my soul that wants to grasp and conquer
You are the want
The need to have all things
You are my reason
My being
My dream and hope
The obsession that gropes from the depths of my soul
But most of all
You are the gentle smile on my lips
That gives me peace and hope and rest

I want to evaporate
Disappear into the great
Black obysss.
Into the night sky
So clear and sure
Twinkling and sparkling
Moon dust in my hair
I dance with death,
He spins me and twirls me.
He's my puppet master
He's dangling my life
By a silken shimmering silver thread.
He kisses my neck,
And my chapped parted lips
Forever screaming silent pleas
Someone, anyone,
Save me from the nothing
I've slowly become.
I'm done with dancing,
I've grown to tired to keep going,
Take me with death.
I'm done with dancing.
My heart aches and yearns,
For a past that will never return.
A life I can never have,
A family I've lost,
Somewhere in this journey.
I'm done with dancing.
My mind bleeds
Forever asking me why do stay.
It'd be so easy. To just slip away.
To forget the reasons why,
I should never pull the trigger.
And be selfish. And just do it.
I'm done with dancing.
My soul is screaming and careening.
I don't know who I am anymore.
I've lost my way and myself.
I'm tortured by demons
Ever present. Ever there.
Whispering in my ear,
They tell me what to do.
I'm done with dancing.
I shake the moon dust from my hair.
It'll melt in hell anyway.

Reminder:
It's better to be losing her in books
than losing her to someone else.

a.g