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Alyssa Soto Oct 2015
Do you ever feel so worthless ?
Like everything about you – your life, your mind- was a mess?
Do you ever wish the pain would end ?
Like somehow the hurt would magically mend.
Do you ever want to die ?
Like maybe death could be your highest high.
Do you ever feel fed up as **** ?
Like maybe you just want to jump in front of a truck.
Do you ever think about your funeral ?
Like maybe people wouldn’t mourn, like your death was endurable.
Do you ever think about if your parents would cry ?
Like maybe it wouldn’t really matter if you were to die.
Do you like the sting of the blade ?
Like the pain and the blood is the best kind of aid.
Do you ever think you’ll miss it ?
Like being sad was the only thing your mind would permit.
Do you ever think that you could be happier ?
Like you wanted to, but couldn’t because of some barrier.
Do you ever wish you weren’t alone ?
Like maybe it’d help, having someone for your own.
Do you ever feel so worthless ?
Like you’re so helpless, wishing you’d be breathless.
Wishing breathing was painless, but knowing trying is aimless.
Knowing your death would be thoughtless, no one would be speechless.
And even in your grave, you know the pain is endless, restless, & absolutely merciless.
892 · Oct 2015
The Girl
Alyssa Soto Oct 2015
Her face was pain stricken while she lie asleep.
You could see the effort in her smile, although her grin was weak.
She stayed searching for something of some substance,
She couldn't find any but she'd keep searching the rest of her existence.
Always in bed crying or writing down a piece of her,
As a result of her fear of her mind, she was thought of as a wanderer.
With a mindset unlike anyone's else's,
She had an opinion on everything, very thoughtful ones that is.
She never let anyone tell her what she could & couldn't do,
But she was her biggest enemy, & that could never be truer than the truest truth.
Of course she wanted to be happy,
But the Depression she was battling with was tough & scrappy.
For her there was no escaping the realms of black,
But she knew she could find her way, because she needed to get back.
She needed to return to the life of love & smiles,
She wouldn't stop looking, even if she had to for miles.
She would get to her final destination,
She would not let anything get in her way, she would avoid procrastination.
It was truly sad how every time she tried she fell down,
But she need not worry because on her head, held high was her crown.
No matter what tripped her & made her fall,
She would not succumb to black's intoxicating call.
See her crown was beginning to drop but it would not plummet.
Because though her climb was tough, she's approaching its summit.
You cannot say she is at the top,
But you can say she'll get there because she will not stop.
So sick & so tired of these nights of tears,
She's had them for so long, no not days, or months, but for years.
At seventeen years of age it's heartbreaking to hear such a story,
But don't let your heart fill with uneasiness, because in a short while she'll reach her glory.
A tale like hers is common & unfortunate.
Depression is something we can beat, so long as we stick together, we will be victorious, I'm sure of it.
463 · Oct 2015
A Tired Love
Alyssa Soto Oct 2015
Read this close, for these words I want you to remember me by.
No, actually, don't remember, yeah please don't even try.
These past two years were quite some time,
Although I can't recall when we were in our prime.
You did a lot for me, you helped me out.
I used to think you were my forever, & that now I doubt.
You said sweet things to me, but mean things too,
You said you loved me completely, but truthfully I never knew.
You seemed half hearted & unmotivated.
Because of many things, our love was complicated.
I don't regret being with you, though,
I feel like time was wasted, like I was pushed down below,
By some other thing that took priority over me.
There was something in the way, come on now, you have to agree.
Whether it's what happened in the past or some fear for the future,
A love like ours was tired, & for it we could not nurture.
And I hate myself for not hating you,
Because you've been so rude to me, of this nature I had no clue.
I meant it when I said I never want to speak to you again.
But I know the grudge has no place in my heart, for it will soon end.
A love like ours must not be forgotten.
Even though the love we shared was spoiled, it was rotten.
I will not try to remember us,
Because I know if I do I'll absolutely make a fuss.
I don't want my tears falling for you anymore,
The sadness I hold for you, I can not hold it much more.
I will break free from the blackness I'm wrapped in,
& I can thank you for teaching me in the end, I will never win.
I can thank you for the lessons I've learned,
But I will not thank you for this pain, I am cut, I am burned.
You are the result of my newfound serendipity.
Because you left, I will soon leave melancholy.
Thanks to you I will learn to be without black,
I will keep on my road, I will stay on track.
So thanks for all the things that we've been through,
& really, I'm glad to say I'm done with you.

— The End —