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efni Oct 2021
i think i need you tonight
yet i cant call you like i said i would

i know i don't need to be alone
or atleast, i'd like to know

i think i want you to teach me
but you wouldn't know where to start

i know you won't be mad at me
or atleast, i'd like to know

i think i need you tonight
but i won't call like you said i should

im sorry

10.19.21
what the **** is wrong with me...
  Oct 2021 efni
Grace
he eats all the guilt like inhaling air
i wish he would taste his innocence too
  Oct 2021 efni
basil
i grow, but not like flowers toward a healing sun
i give up, but not like the kids in calculus
i love, but not enough for you to love me back

my teeth ache from clenching my jaw
my jaw aches from tensing my neck
my neck aches from sleeping on it wrong
my sleep aches from missing you
i miss you because you don't miss me
you don't miss me because i was never yours
i don't know why i was never yours

i wish my house had a basement
i wish this town had a lake

maybe my stories would be better if i could tell them right

i can't connect my thoughts these days.
i can't connect my own pieces together.
my heart is in my arms, holding you
my mind in some far off movie scene,
catching the rain on it's tongue
i gave my lungs away because i don't need them anymore
my blood evaporated on the surface of the moon

and your lips taste like **** and peppermint chapstick
mine taste like ultra violet monster energy and aluminum

but i don't love you, and it isn't poetic
efni Sep 2021
i hope as you're drifting off now
you imagine the comfort of
me holding you closely but gently
as i so desperately want to

perhaps if i want it enough
you'll feel a warmth fall onto you
and somehow know that it's
my love seeping through the screen

20.09.21
he fell asleep on our call...again ♡
efni Sep 2021
I wish I'd throw up until I died.
  Sep 2021 efni
youcancallmesierra
no more waiting
on you to change
it's like staring at the sun
until it rains
what if it never does
and when it does what will i do
a couple burned retinas
and water in my shoes
no more waiting
on you to be better
it's like asking a tree
how's the weather
no reply
and if it did i'd lose my ****
and i've already lost enough
let's not be friends

no more thinking
you'll treat me right
no more crying
to sleep every night
no more watching
shrinking headlights
no longer welcome
this is goodbye
  Sep 2021 efni
amanda
i’ve always paid it forward

smiles and mercy
forgiveness and understanding

but making you feel crazy
for loving me
the way he made me feel
for loving him

that’s a debt you have
no business paying
the debt’s been paid

love me,
and i promise to let you
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