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  Nov 2021 efni
hold life close
hold death closer
  Nov 2021 efni
chang cosido
the truth is,
not everyone is good at this.
not every breath goes in
without getting caught in your throat.
no hands are ever good at holding on,
especially when
everything seems to just slip away.
some eyes never run dry
and some hearts never seem to
run out of pieces that break.
  Nov 2021 efni
Arlo Disarray
I am a constant disappointment to myself and everyone around me
I keep trying, and failing, and dying, and trying all over again
Only to flail
And fail
And wallow in pain
I'm sorry that I hurt you
I don't intend to get the answers wrong every time,
but I guess I'm just not very smart

I make myself better
I throw away my vices and I try so hard to smile
But what's the use?
When every time I play the game I always seem to lose
I was never good enough
I know that
But you bit off more of me than you can chew,
and now you're cursed to choke on it,
let's see how well you do

I'd offer you a glass of water,
But you'd just keep turning blue
And you'd refuse the help I offered you
Only to blame me for your demise after you finally close your eyes
Somehow, it's always my fault
when you choose to die
efni Nov 2021
i'm equally as scared as i am curious to know
what i would do if i ever could see myself

not my reflection nor my shadow
not a photograph, not a memory
but to stand beside and breathe
separately and simultaneously
with the person i am right now

would i see the girl that
my loved ones claim to admire and cherish
or be disappointed by meeting
exactly whom i already perceive myself as


would i see death in her eyes
like i do daily in the mirror
or would i see hope, hatred
pity, strength, guilt...fear

yes, i think i'd see fear

i think i'd take a knife to her head
and pierce the wicked, coward
that sits protected within my skull
until i couldn't swing anymore

or maybe i'd give her a hug


to stab her in the back.
that seems more like it
we've never been one for
confrontation anyways

"Know thy enemy and know yourself" - Sun Tzu

there are many directions i could have taken this poem, i let myself write blindly and it led me here. i wonder if i will always be my own and worst enemy.
efni Nov 2021
how silly of you,
my precious and massive heart,
to press and push and wedge and ram
crushing yourself against this ribbed cage that
unjustly holds you inside the prison of our body
ruled by this ruthless tyrant of a mind

i sincerely believe you would break
my bones before you stop

and i dont blame you
sometimes i feel like my heart is being pulled out of my chest but maybe nothing is "pulling" maybe it's just trying to escape me...i would too.
  Nov 2021 efni
and i know
that if i’m ever at
rock bottom again,

you’ll be face down
in the dirt with me,

probably digging
for bones
i’m never gonna feel
alone again

not as long as
i’ve got you,
puppy boy
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