Over and over,
Round and round.
Killing the mind.
Sealing the mouth.

Smiling, laughing.
Bullets in my head.
The worst part is
They don’t know
I’m almost dead.

Begging the heart,
Not my own will.
I’m holding the gun,
Just shoot. Don’t ****.

Haven’t you learned?
You’re hurting me.
You’re hurting us.
Just let go of me.

But you’re not holding on,
I’m gripping the knife.
I’m killing myself,
With no blood on my arm.

Blood on my mind,
Heart, soul.
Telling my own heart.
To leave me alone.

Nobody knows,
No one understands.
I am being murdered,
By my own hand.

Please don’t help me,
Because if you do
I’ll be so happy
Why can’t you see?

You will come.
You will leave.
I’m back at the start
Pulling the trigger.
Destroying my heart.

But I have none.
Not one small scar.
I’m perfectly fine,
If you look from a far.

As you look from a far,
At this dazzling star.
Shining for you.
A beautiful flame.

So, that very flame,
Is the cause of my pain?

Unstoppable, Unbreakable,
Slowly killing me inside.
Soon I’ll disappear,
But I would not have died.

My heart, my flame,
My mind will be dead.
I torture my soul,
With every thought in my head.

How to describe it,
To describe my death?
Well my heart took a gun,
And killed itself.

Why? You ask?
Well that’s painfully simple,
And horribly true.
The cause of my abuse,

Is my love for you.

30.12.16

waves of optimism
buffered by boulders
of numbness

light of hope
shaded by walls
of failure

breath of life
choked by hands
of death

𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦

01.09.20

what is the ocean
without the moon to guide it
or the sky to cast it's blue?

but what is the world
without the ocean?

and what is your world
without you?

09.09.20

i have this tendency to believe
that i only become more broken
as i crash into more obstacles
in life and in love

but the river reminds me
that water only becomes more pure
with every rock that tries to stop it