Before I met you my mother would always tell me about love.  She told me of the lovers before my father and the one after.  I learned the man before my father had lips like a storm that drowned her out every single time he kissed her.  It took her 7 years to shed the skin he had touched, but she swears her body is still drenched.  She told me there is always 1 person who affects your life forever, but some people have fate on their side and never lose this person.  I never thought much of this until I hugged myself the day you left and swore I felt water seeping out of every pore.

Texts I never sent once you left me, again*

1. Nothing feels as comforting as your arms around me.  I remember feeling weightless with you.  Now, my body is constantly strained from carrying my broken heart.  It's so heavy.  I'm so ******* heavy...I'm sorry you're heavy too.

2. I'm not happy with what I've done or who I have become while loving you. I'm sorry for being so hazy

3. Last year, I made a promise to myself to only surround myself with positive people.  Coincidentally, I met you shortly after.  We grew attached at the hip, always together. Your antics rubbed off on me, along with your enthusiasm. I've been isolating myself since you left.  I broke that promise to myself- when I needed to keep it most

4. You shouldn't have to justify why you fell out of love. I'm sorry for begging you to

5.  My grandmother told me I would have my heart broken before I found the one, but if I was lucky, the same person would repair the damages he had caused.  I was heart broken the first time you left, but you came back.  Why aren't you coming back now?

6. I'm heavy again, I'm sure you are free by now

7.  People tell me my sadness is pretty, that the words spewing from my heart are divine, but my words were never enough to make you stay

8.  I want you here. I want you to kiss the marks I created when I didn't want to wake up.

9.  I miss you eminently and sometimes I can't feel my body.  Please don't tell me you understand or that I'll be okay.  You aren't ******* listening

10.  I woke up choking your name

11.  Every single time you promised to stay- you should have clarified that you meant as a memory

12.  I've been splitting my veins like glow sticks in hopes of seeing new light

13.  I'm ******* tired of all the metaphors, why can't it all just be about you again

14.  Poe encountered a raven, while I encountered you.  Somehow we both went mad

15.  goodnight

I want you to remember my lips around your neck with my hands around your face, begging for more.  I want you to see me in that empty room, knowing I should be there to comfort the silence.  I want you to think of me while you rest your head, so I can relieve the loneliness.  I need you to remember- you were my home, my shelter.  Above all, I need you to know that I'm sorry for pushing you away.  You broke my heart, while I broke your spine- the countless remnants of my balmy emotions were far too much for your back to carry alone.  You carried all of my broken shards, what a selfish task I made you do alone. Had I realized this sooner- your back wouldn't be broken, nor would my heart.

What happens post heartbreak

1) Your boss doesn't care.  Go to work.  Crying in the bathroom is fine, but not in front of anyone.  Keeping busy helps immensely and works wonders for your mind.

2) Your best friends aren't there for you like you are for them.  They'll leave you crying so they can see other friends.  

3) You're going to shake profusely.  Rock yourself to sleep.  Go to bed holding yourself and you'll wake up the same way.  For a second, you'll still think it's him.  

4) Your foot will tap all day at work, while your hands remain glued to your phone, just in case.  

5) You cannot keep calling him your boyfriend or mistake this from a break, unless that's directly what was said.  It'll take time to claim you are single again, but denying your love has ended only prolongs the pain.

6) Your nails will bleed from all of the nervous biting.  Your lips probably will too.  You'll have scratches on your body from grabbing yourself so hard pretending to be him.  You have to stop tearing yourself apart.

7) Once you get home from work, cry.  Cry all night and let it out.

8) Repeat.