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 Oct 2013 Alejandra Acuna
Ady
There was nothing in this vast landscape of delusions, only illusions.
A flower, a friend, a gift, a betrayal, a tear, a shattered mirror and perdition.
The music of the euphoric nothingness enticing the darkness,
calling for the shadows, everlasting, never ending.
I know, I deserve this. Always threw the stone and looked the other way,
the sin, the penitence, the lament, the void, the shallowness, the meaningless.
Living each day a moribund marionette moving through the crowd an empty mess.
The ticking, the hunger, the instrument, the mending of the ending,
but then came you. An unexpected gaze wondering through my maze.
Navigating each passage as if though you knew the way, a hindrance.
Let me corrode here please, go away, I thought. I never said it.
You remained here almost an embodiment of the hope I sought for so long,
Perhaps this is another of my creations, a desire from the dire.
Your hands are tepid, driving the frigidness away, maybe it's real?
An hour, a day, a week, a period of time slowly passes.
You are hope, my hope, my desire, my wish, my light and gentle day.
I found the impatient clock fast-forwarding each hour until the time had come,
to see one another.
Your world was intriguing and vivid everyday was fun, every night a pain.
Without a warning you brought the richness of the paint in to the callousness of mine.
The sky once again blue, the birds with songs, the grass now green my world anew.
Mere words such as “i love you” can't paint paint the picture, for it was more.
And yet here I am again. Alone.
Alive, not dead, back on the path to my journey.
Collecting, standing, walking and eventually running through the paradox.
Anew, exhumed, hope plastered once again against my chest,
and as I cry, tumble, fall and learn;
Each days is new, each meeting a joy and each moment thanking you.
Good-bye! I bid farewell to you, let our past be remembered beautifully,
and the present lived and the future build, as once again;
I construct, destroy, collapse, laugh and dream.  
As today the ticking resumes and I commence from where I stopped.
There's nothing glamorous
About kneeling on the cold bathroom floor
Staring into the toilet
At your dinner
With a finger down your throat
And an imaginary gun to your head  
Trying to quiet your heaving
So your family doesn't wonder
And not stopping until you are empty
Until you are sure that every ounce of your enemy that we call food is out of your body
The same body your mother spent hours and hours pushing out of her so your beauty could be shared with this word
Your body which was once a vessel for beauty and love
But has now become a vessel for your self hatred and distruction
No
There's nothing glamorous
About staring into the mirror
After its all said and done
Looking into your blood shot eyes
Searching for something that was lost when you rid yourself of that food
Running your hands under warm water  
Trying to wash away the scent and shame
But no matter how hard you scrub
No matter how much soap you use
No matter how strong the water pressure is
They linger
And linger
And linger
No
There's nothing glamorous  
About your mother looking at you with tear filled eyes
And asking if you're doing "it" again
Because she can't even stomach to say what "it" is
Almost like you can't stomach the thought of being away from a toilet for more than a few hours
And all you reply with is a dishonest no
You watch as she slowly dies inside
Because she knows no means yes
And she pleads with you
"Why" she cries
And you don't even bother to answer
Because even as sick as you are you know how twisted your reasoning is
No
There's nothing glamorous
About your life revolving around the next time you can get to a toilet
When all you can think about is that next purge
That next release
That next cleanse
Because when you purge you're not only purging your food
But you're purging all those thoughts of stopping, all those thoughts of getting better
When that food hits the water those thoughts quiet
All you hear is "get it out" "get it all out"
They are silenced by your need to be perfect
To be thin
No
There's nothing glamorous
About soar throats
And mouth soars
Scared knuckles
And puffy cheeks
No
There's nothing glamorous
About slowly destroying your body
Your body which is now just a peetry dish for your sick thoughts
Everyday
From the inside
Out
Trust me
I know
I stopped writing to deal with things... I just stopped caring. But today I realized I need to start again, it's as good as any therapy and I missed it too much to stop.
 Sep 2013 Alejandra Acuna
ASB
Love her, not because
the earth would shift
without her;

but because she shows
you flowers on the
ordinary land.

Love her, not because
she'll help you move
the mountains;

but because she'll stick
around and will be there
to hold your hand.

Love her, not because
you think you'd drown
without her;

but because you know
she'll wait for you
until you reach the shore.

Love her, not because
you cannot live
without her;

but because you know
that with her, your whole life
will mean much more.


And don't tell her that
you need her, she's
your reason to survive.

Only that she brings
the glory to your
ordinary life.
How many hours do you
think you have,to live?
What more do you feel
your life has for you to give?

It could be the last rain drop
that's pouring on your palm,
It could be the last sunlight
that's shining on your thumb.

You may never see the
thunder storm again,
You may never kiss your lover
being so happy and sane.

So I tell you this,
Live your life now.
And when I say now,I mean now.

lets celebrate the music that
we have from the ancient time.
lets hail the symbols and
lets commit the primitive crime.
lets recycle our faith in God,
let god make Us his Lord.
lets reinvent the city where
our Ultimate freedom was buried,
lets explore the senses of our mind and see
how much wound and pain had it been carried.
lets choose tomorrow
to be the day of enlightenment.
Hail holy light to guide
us for this noble experiment.
let the door of endless light
be opened forever
lets goodbye the humiliation of fear
and greet them never.
the name is copied from an album-name of the band Pink Floyd.although in my diary I named it as
A momentary gain of Reasoning.but i like this one better.

— The End —