when my mother was pregnant,
my mother looked up names and their holy meanings and found one to be to her liking
and so i was named ;
but my brother, upon hearing this
squirmed and pleaded to change it for whatever reason
and so i was named ;
and later
i would play two videogames and love the two female protagonists so dear
i'd name myself ;
and a little further on
i would read a book with a main character so enticing and thoughtful
i'd name myself ;
and now
i find myself drifting from meaning to mood to games to books
and so much else - so many factors in a life and person
and i am only character
with a debated name

one night stands with dreams of happiness
leave me sobbing in the morning
wishing theyd stay

but what if the reason we run in dreams isnt to run away from monsters
but because our soul cannot wait to get to whatever destiny awaits us?

I hope you never reach
The day
Where you are lost for words
Because they're tangled up in
Agony.

I hope you never reach
The point
Where your innocence of
The world is
Robbed.

I hope you choose
Your friends and
Lovers wisely
So that you never have to
Discover what it feels like
To see those who you believed
Would take a bullet for you
Dance behind the
Trigger.

when i asked my home why it didn't feel as welcoming anymore
the ghosts crawled up my skin and whispered in my ear -
*what's a home?

the ghost of my cut hair
still haunts me
i wish it could grow faster

the dreams of my childhood
still come back to me
in conversations with people who say i was only this short
when they saw me last
i wish i could grow quicker

they say when you cut your hair
you have a new life
(or something like that)
but my fingers still ****
when i run them
                            through
                        ­                 my
                                              scal-
and every single day, i've
forgotten
just how long i've been
my hair is rust
in spaghetti form
with lots of frays
                           at the ends
                                           i remember i wanted to be a zoologist
                                                       ­                                                    and model
                                                           ­                                                                a-

you see a man suffering
I see love dying for loves sake

a journey of utter trust
winding down the stairs

to reach Adam and Eve
and to bring them up again