These days
Dreams and hell
Look the same to me
So I don't sleep

Most days
I can't get the taste of him
Out of my mouth
So I don't eat

Some days
I can't remember
How to say no
So I don't speak

But I'm tired
And I'm hungry
And I'm starting to forget the sound of my voice

I have writers block
but i think that i shouldnt
because when your life is falling apart
shouldnt you feel compelled to create something better
and yet i dont
i dont feel impelled
I dont feel inspired
I feel empty
as if the world has finally taken the last parts of me
I feel nothing
and me feeling nothing
was suppose to be better than feeling something
let me tell you its not
its like sitting in a dark room
as the walls come in
and all you can do is stare at the floor
your not scared
your not frightened
you dont want to find a way out
and that scares me
why do i feel this way
i should want to change
and yet all i can do is sit here
watching the  walls close in

I think im fat on some level even thoguth i know im not

I never understand myself

I lie so much I dont know what is true

I hate hurting people but everything i do seems to have a negative affect on someone I love

I hate disapointing people

I love when people disapoint me

I think suicide is selfish
and i hate that i have tried it 4 times

I wish I could be perfect for everyone
Even if i lose myself

I wish I could let someone else live my life while i just disapear

I fall in love with to many people I lose

I push away all of my freinds so they dont push away me

When I was younger i use to hit my legs with hammers so i wouldnt have to run track so i could stay home and help my mom (Why my knees always hurt)

I dont want people to care about me

And yet all I want to do is know you care

I want my father to hurt me so bad I'm not recognizable
Then I will finally feel the hurt I have wanted to feel my whole life

I forgot how to cry

When I was younger my best freind died of cancer

I use to be able to think of somethign sad and cry on demand

I just want someone to **** me

I day dream about murdering, hooking up, and ****** almost every one I see at random moments and I cant controll it.

*** is male
                                                         ­   **** is female

              *** for money

                                                          ­                                         *** for drugs

                               *** for lust

                                                           ­                         *** by force

         *** galore

                                                         ­                                                  *** as a bet

                 *** to fill boredom

                                                        ­                        *** for relief

                    *** for pleasure

                                                      ­                                        *** with passion

                               *** with fear

                                                           ­                        *** as bargain

                *** for attention  

                                                    ­                                   *** for acceptance

                                  *** make-believing

                                                 ­                                             

*** with feeling
.
.
*** with love
.
.
.....................................................Bu­t Making Love** ..............That's Real ***.  *** is Poetry.


                                            - March 4th, 2014.    3: 01 am.

Rough ,Wet, Make it hurt
Sore in the morning
No time to flirt
No love, no whispers
Not even a kiss
Like animals, Mechanical
Tasting this
Bruises, teeth marks,
hickeys, thirst
*******, licking, Harder, grinding
The spot, Almost
Screaming, finding
Spasm, tightening
******, blinding

The most awkward five minutes of my life.