Chains of d̶i̶s̶a̶p̶p̶o̶i̶n̶t̶m̶e̶n̶t̶s,
  are my tributes to the world.
Failed poems full of incogitable nuances
   each number, another sorrow,
Full of my of diluted fantasies of happiness.
Paint a succession of damages, of a broken heart
    which sings its same old tune,
        old , overplayed, disappointing tune.

Take my hand,
Share this moment
        I'll admit
I am afraid.

         Take the plunge
Into the deep
          Let us love without complexities,
straightforwardly.

        Take my hand,
feel my beat,
        feel the sweat
I am scared
        You're scared
but let our hearts beat in-unison
         as we steal stars from the night sky.
  --for our love to shine bright in our discomposure--

D̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶c̶r̶y̶ ̶l̶i̶t̶t̶l̶e̶ ̶b̶o̶y̶,
you are vain, blasphemous, ungrateful
         an arrogant and flawed poetic braggart.
you are an egomaniacal, cold, self centered fragile flower
          of your own self built malediction.
your heart black, wicked, evil, vengeful.

Don't cry little boy,
    just avoid the mirror,
       avoid the thousand cuts of self inflicted pain.
          as the man you grew into gazes back.

Yes, I dream, I live, I wander afield
    lost under starry sky's, interweaved in stormy sea
Lost in fascinations of a declining mind.

Yes, I dream- lost to past thoughts
    I hold the stars, conquer the waves of my own mental damnation. . .  
& yet - from past memories there is no escape. . . past touch, past scents I FALL APART for, you set off this dream in me,
       but its a dream, that is all it will be
                           -A Dream

It hurts. . .
the home we didn't build,
the moments yet lived,
the house not purchased,
the vacations not taken,
the memories not lived
it hurts, dreaming of what we could do. . .

What a strange desire to drown,
   for this loves a sinking boat,
      pull me deep in purple and blue hues,
        the weight of my life in your waves,
           as I toss and I turn below the stars,
            constellations draw pictures of your face,
                listless, dark, dreary, drowning death
                       under your star, under your waves,
                              in this strange fascination
                                      to drown until we meet again.

Have you ever laid on the floor, as you stared at the cosmos of paranoia and depression of your creation thrusting you into damnation?
You are quick to give advice (pre-judgement),
but unless you licked the patch,
    to cover the constant itch that burns in your heart,
       you have no clue. . .
of the sea of solitude that ever wraps you, within its cursed cradle,
  the song of longing as each day passes, grows louder,
      the voices in your head that counsel you,
           the feeling of elation as the demons take you. . .
you have no clue. . .
   no ******* clue. . .
you are quick to judge. . .
      as I die living. . . in a state of constant elation.

Life is deadly.
People are what they show, not what we see.
   We miss everything, daydreaming.
          All you do is wonder why?
             Friends to lovers,
                Lovers to friends,
                   Friends to an end. . .

Between two musical notes,
   exists the memory of us dancing to your heartbeat.
      grains of sand between our toes, shoes we could not afford.
         getting strange looks,
               you took my hand,
                  & we danced. . .

𝓕𝓲𝓻𝓼𝓽 𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮

Pop. . . a pill falls to the floor,
Buspirone. . . what a funny name.
Ardent images burn into flesh,
    love;
long lost.
    feelings;
of dread and a monster on the back.

Doctor says accept be inure of this life.
   but,
strangers do not fill the void,
passionless nights provide pleasure not comfort.
    let me dream;
       of my love in a constant state of Euphoria.
wallow;
   in my own delusion.
touch;
  on my skin
kiss;
  on my lips

I don't want to live another day,
so let me live in mental solitude
    clinging to a delusional love
       of false epiphanies.

-Epiphanies

Inside my polished surface,
my seas are in constant disarray,
the soul, its sweet nectar that fills every crevice.
violent; angry; bitter soul.

Inside my mental shell of self protection,
and the "person" it protects
from the poison that spews from my heart
my soul speaks to me; it reminds me I am weak
violent; angry; bitter soul.

I know well that there is no escape,
no sculptor can prefect; the stone that is broken
no painter can fix; the lines that have bled
no poet can create; emotions which no longer exist
I drag the stones of my own damnation
eternal ; violent; angry; bitter soul.

As time passes, my exterior becomes unpolished
manicured hands become wrinkled and weak,
legs of harden meat, become toothpicks
time is constant,
there is no escape,
but one thing remains
my eternal, violent, angry bitter soul. . .
    that weeps for you. . .

Evanescent dreams,
   I am deaths epitome,
      lost my lover at 16,
         lost my friend at 23,
           then I lost my dog when do I feel lassitude.
why punish me with a plethora of death?
Such a resonant song,
susurrus voices
say " leap from zenith"
into true tranquility.

My mind wanders the cosmos and the heavens,
always thinking, what you'd think of the man I became?
   Should I come and meet you in the dark?
      Would we be bestfriends again?
          Is this E̶x̶a̶l̶t̶e̶d̶ thinking,
             or the madness of my own silence?

Blue, iridescent hues of oceanic blue.
Green, startling twinkles of fauna,
Brown, strong mountains of emotions,
Black, losing my self in your abyss.

Such beautiful e̶y̶e̶s̶, that see me.
Within their reflections, I see myself
lost, broken, damaged, quick to fall into their spell.

This world was so mundane,
  forever lost within my own narcissistic dreary storm.
    "Hey are you listening"
        blue seas,
             blue skies,
                eyes. . .that make me feel insignificant
            

black,
faltered thoughts,
gone.

Now all I see is eyes, covered in masks.
A horrid reminder of a man,
    who made me fee insignificant
        a horrid reminder
          of the failure I have become
             clinging to three words. . . "I love you"

I'm tired of waiting,
with open arms and this longing heart,
this anxiety of hearing your voice,
this dread of dreaming. . .
of those nights, past, present and fictitious
I am tired of waiting,
until we meet in our next life.

"hello"
turn around
to see freckles and ardent green eyes.
I was in love. . .

I was five. .
then came the bell. .
"goodbye"

-first love-

All it takes;
   is one unwanted advance or stroke.
To inflict a lifetime of misery;
   self doubt and hate.
"forgive and forget";
    easier said then done.

let me just inflate my heart
   and let it fly away.

-Simple right?


..... (¯'v´¯)♥
.......•.¸.•´
....¸.•´
... (
☻/
/▌♥♥
/ \ ♥♥

Corks off,
  and the night has just begun
    insecurities dissipate,
        glass after glass,
            think of you my dear friend,

two boys,
  a love of soccer,
    kicking and screaming
      under the burning desert breeze.

Two teens,
      with problems larger than the world,
          one cool,
             the other forgotten,
                 yet you stayed,
                     and I ****** again.

Eighteen,
    I found him,
        rubbed it in your face,
            yet you stayed

Twenty three,
    he left,
      I cried,
        you picked me up,
          after each glass
            only to find beration and condemnation.
              you stayed
                 I left. . .

Twenty Six
  one last puff,
      one last drink
         only to retrace my steps
           "I'm sorry"
              silence
                I love my only friend.

please don't leave me
I need you
I need you
please f̶o̶r̶g̶i̶v̶e̶ ̶m̶e̶

This pain I have carried.
   This pain I proclaim,
        This song I sing,
             This song of love,
                  I can not erase
                    when will
                       I finally
                           be
                             f̶r̶e̶e̶?̶

You found the hidden meadow,
enveloped in its fragrance.

So handsome, dark and tall.
Intoxicating thoughts that swirl the mind.

Please, soul don't weep.
for he is my moon, the stars and my king.

My heart is racing,
My arms are shaking,
Please set me free, for you belong to another.
So please, set me free,
let me be, free.

The breeze blows the palm trees,
   in a serene hot desert like the barren wasteland of hell itself.
you hear the sway , but close your eyes to avoid the sand.

and in the cold polluted desolate nights,
sirens, crackheads on the corner of gas stations,
crickets and roaches critter under starless nights in purgatory,

A single baby cries,
  hookers wander the smoke filled night.
men and woman play their life away.

welcome to my beautiful home,
where you get ****** softly by life.

- Not sure where I wen't with this one :)

"Hello"
   passionate kisses,
       grinding denim,
    ardent flames ignited by red sultry lips,
kiss me,
love me,
touch me,

"May I please get my coffee"

ʷⁱⁿᵏ

Fairytale's do not exist,
  you will not awake from a grown mans kiss,
     he will swipe right, kiss you at night, and be gone the next day.

Fairy godmother will not free you,
   you will be bound the corporate overload that pays you,
     they will use you and abuse you, until you are discarded.

No one will climb your hair,
  you will fade into obscurity,
     a figment of a "friendship" that once existed


and even then
   in the face of reality
      I still believe people are good at heart.

-Gₒₒd ₐₜ ₕₑₐᵣₜ

Two fools chasing a ball,
   Under an endless sky,
       Filled with smiles,  
        And hormonal fixated eyes.

An arm around me,
    Hearing you breathe,
       Knowing I committed the gravest mistake.

Finally, the sun had it say,
   Only to find myself in an empty bed.
         Tap, tap, tap. . .
              “where are you?”

                   Tears are pouring,
                      Endless silence,
                        Tap, Tap, Tap. . .
                            “are you mad?”

                                      Days to weeks,
                                          Friends to lovers,
                                                While all lovers come to an end.

I hear your voice,
  nagging "put it back". . .
I hear your voice
  saying "it'll be okay". . .
I hear you everyday,
  am I crazed & deranged?
I just want to feel your love and see your face,
   for a moment in time,
      when you are not gone.

Plethora of eyes
  may this moment be sempiternal.
am I finally the jewel in the harem,
  I always find excuses for the inexcusable
  I always see the best in the worst
  I always drop the world for you only to be told "busy"
The eyes are always murmuring
  always clamoring
     always surround you
I want to yell,
but I am stuck in this never ending imbrication
slowly,
the good heart gives up,
the excuses dry up
you become the worst

sunny skies turn grey,
my sunshine no longer radiates.
and the evocative message sent finally hits.

-Good-

Cool desert breeze
   under the peach tree
      you told me you loved me . . .
         flowers bloomed, it was cliche. .
and just like the movies. . .
it came to an end. .
you were strong I was weak. .

you found him,
   and that was goodbye

Can you hear it in the air?
Can you smell it through yours senses?
She dances the sweetest dance in spellbinding dazzle. . .
  Dressed in the black burning of children
  Storms of tears weep. . .
  --Yet she dances anew affixed to rebirth in continual dance--

Grow. . .

Soft hints of bergamot and cedar stain "our" sheets,
"our" morning alarm goes off,
but the weight of your arm is missing. .
I wake up with such sadness,
knowing that today, like every other day you're gone.
when you will return, I have no clue, seconds become eternity,
my love, you're leaving, you have left, you're gone.
The time has come to say goodbye,
I should be angry, I should be bitter,
I should curse your name,
yet I wish the best for you, good luck my love.

Firm calloused hands,
  tell the tale of many struggles,
     beatings, ****, child marriage. . .

Firm calloused hands,
  unflattering,
               tattered,
                  beaten by age,
Tell the tale of a women's struggle,
    feeding 12 kids, drunk husband, alone. . .


Machismo. . .
    does it make you man?
       Please take a page from those firm calloused hands. . .

You started out as a dream, an illusion, an invasion of the thought.
  Slow torture; turned obsession.
     Fast Love; slow grief
My entrails exalting, my pulses exploding.
  With your fire you enslave me,
        & even after death
            I am tortured, when may I choose to be happy?

Falling apart,
  crack
      crack
         crack
           do you hear my heart. .
Hugging myself
        breathe
           breathe
              breathe
            please help me breathe.
Lay in the tub
          come up
             come up
               come up
            It's your voice I hear. .

Please let me flow towards the sun,
  let me drift towards you.
     let us meet once more, in another life.
          please help me. . .

Just know when you are lost
   and have nowhere to go;
       when you whisper,
and not even the echo rings.
      you will feel my love;
  feel my skin, feel my touch.
        and hear back;
   I'm here.

-Here

Please hold me tonight,
  reignite the unspoken sparks,
     tell me its okay,
         & hold me tight,
            as you love me like our first night,
                  Lets pretend as if we are still love.
So , please h̶o̶l̶d̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶n̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ . . .

Am I dying awake?
   or living a dream.
I do know I am drowning,
  falling deeper, deeper, gasping, begging, pleading,
      praying for help!
This H̶o̶m̶e̶, yes, this symbol, we "called" home
  is killing me softly, as it fails to contain this soul.
    Which weeps and dies, for this symbol a constant reminder
     that we used to inhabit.

Meet me in the middle;
   for I am a dreamer.
Contemplating fantasy into our reality;
   wishing for a future.

Wishing.
      Wishing.
           Wishing.

Dead. . .


-Hopeless Dreamer

I don't write about flying
I try not to write about love
try not to write about me
try not to write about death
try not to write about ****

I write critiques
  Yet I am down and I am out
       So I look at others for inspiration
& look in the mirror
only to see. . .

Hypocrisy,
**** A STEP DOWN FROM !Intellectualism!
   a partaker in mimetic creation in and endless state of iterability
        ! a charlatan of false truth!
             a poet for god sake!
                  a poet
                      a failure
                             yet
                                 I do not awake
                                          from this sweet dream
                                                 !please god! let me not wake!

His face obscure,
  but not hidden from your embrace,
     sweet unyielding radiant moon,
         I gaze upon your grace with jealousy,
               for I know upon your mirror,
                  he gazes in sweet reverie,
                       and the reflection he longs for,
                                is not me,
                                      but ᕼIᗰ

in the middle of my madness,
on the edge of life,
darkest of my days,
3:00 a.m. no clue whether its day or night,
clinging to your photos , sobbing, pleading, snorting, pretending to live my life.
I took back my life,
I started accepting that you are gone,
no words, no moments, no tears
will bring you back. . .
I needed to stop dwelling,
for as I spiral out of control,
I can choose when to stop,
I can choose when to change,
I can choose sadness or happiness,
I call the shots,
they are my own,
there's no point in meeting again,
you are gone. . . I am here. . .
your memories are here. . .
I am strong,
   I cry,
       I loved,
I will learn to love again,
for the destination I choose to find, is not where I hope to meet.
I am here. . . I choose to live. . .