and the only way i ever felt close to people was the press of my hands in their open wound
stemming the flow of blood
the warmth of their pain giving me a way in
around the ice enveloping me

so i dug my hands in, felt every tear of their heart
held their head as they wept and lent on my shoulder
drinking in the ghost of intimacy in those moments

the blood spilling over my fingers felt like fire to my frozen limbs
burning and alive
i didn’t care, didn’t notice as it scorched my flesh
overjoyed at a sensation other than numbing cold

you say
love is a ferris wheel
i think
i would like off this ride
please

deepest fears hide
behind veils and stone.
gruesome horrors
that only certain eyes can see

the shape that stares back
illuminates the ragged edges
of inner terror

we search for those whose eyes
have stared into the same darkness,
those who understand.
who bleed with the same knowledge
born from self made truths.

gallows humor is only funny
to those who have the same eyes as you

there are night where i cling to nothing
hoping it will bring comfort
to the absence in my chest

there are days where i smile robotically
hoping no one will notice
i’m convincing myself to be happy

there are nights that i lie awake
hoping the dim light of my phone
will exhaust me enough to sleep

there are days that i wander aimlessly
hoping i find a purpose
in the passing activities of time

The words are glued to the inside of my mouth
My lips are sealed
My jaw is locked
I cannot force my tongue to move

My thoughts rage inside my mind
Pushing against my mouth
Fear keeps them locked away
I cannot voice what I wish I could

It is a colossal effort to pry my lips apart
To force my jaw open
To lift my tongue
I cannot get the words to form

I breathe out hoping the words will follow
Nothing but air escapes, silent
I cannot get them out
The words are glued to the inside of my mouth

the sun
bees, flowers
love, happiness
shining, brilliant, dazzling spotlight


bright, startling, overpowering
it does not grace me
it burns, a mockery of emotion