souls standing in the mirror clear as glass
wasting lives in assumed iridescence
never would you notice us as we pass
exteriors shine blindingly florescent

eyes downcast and heart heavy
my mother still smiles

My heart sings of your's.
The heart so fickle as to chose me **** Kindness, she is so nice!
The blue and red jewels of her rings smoke
In the windows, the mirrors
Are filling with smiles.

What is so real as the cry of a child?
A rabbit's cry may be wilder
But it has no soul.
Sugar can cure everything, so Kindness says.
Sugar is a necessary intake,

Its crystals a little poultice.
O kindness, kindness
Sweetly picking up pieces!
My Japanese silks, desperate butterflies,
May be pinned any minute, anesthetized.

And here you come, with a cup of tea
Wreathed in steam.
The blood jet is poetry,
There is no stopping it.
You hand me two children, two roses.

I've been counting the footsteps between you and here
And the conclusion is that it's been years and years
And I hate that I left you in fear
I'm blinded, stuck so far below the light
Just another night

Just another night
And as time turns on, it will only get worse
I broke my head way back when

I don't wanna keep breaking
I don't wanna keep breaking when I see where it leads
Don't want you to meet me
I don't wanna be breaking
'Cause you were so full of light
And I cast shadows
Destroyed who I was and who I've become
Saving you is my only hope

Def ear fallen in cacophonous tune
weightless over crackling floor
taming unknown burdens

TRIGGER WARNING!!!

              UP?
What's
   I'm BACK
READY TO attack

Here let me hit you with the VIDEOTAPE of
****

SHUSH ssshhhhuuussh........
I know don't scream
and don't worry I wouldn't want to make a scen-
ONE IN FOUR!

WHAT?! No!
No, that's not what I mean!
Where the heck did that even come fr-
STREET LIGHT IS OUT
HE WATCHES YOU WALK! HURRY OU-

Ha ha, no worries dear, i'm sure he's a nice guy
Afterall not all men-
HIS STEPS TRACING YOURS!

Don't worry he must just want to talk!
You are a very pretty woma-
Oh he thinks so too-
NO! IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE YOU!

Someone walks by.
You terrible youth!
Take your indecency off the streets!
YOU THE ONE IN TATTERED CLOTHES!

Then again you weren't wearing much of an outfit before.
Did you plan this?
TIME STOPS.

TICK TOCK TICK TOPPLE

Well dear times up.
Go on get up!
Don't forget to pick up your clothes on your way out!

monsters lurking in beds
with welcome smiles

It's flowing endless
but only 1% is salvaged
-flooding garbage cans

Sometimes the desire to shake the shackles of
soul and sin arises
   -You can find me on Pluto

Ellis holding freedom ain’t what it seems
but you were full of such imaginative things
passing in the hallways all the vagrants stopped to whisper

Say that girl’s going to live inside an american dream
pen and paper wind set to sweep her out to sea at ten

And so she believed them
she made up a name for herself and set sail to dock
there is nothing as free as a blank page
but just before her name could hit the wave
a man came along, said he knew all about the land of the brave

And when he looked at her, she never felt so seen
he felt all of her and still had himself to gain
and in ship’s night they’d stare up at the empty sky
dreaming up his life

Said he’d take her to the city
let the lights fill her sky
teach her the maps he’d memorize

And so she believed him
going around the streets she hid behind him
did away with herself and gained a half hearted love
and for a time half can be enough
it’s always that way when you’ve never had love to start

But it’s so hard to be in love when you’re the only one to lose themselves
lose your american dreams in sacrifice to the real thing
what an unimaginable fate

So the girl grows old
built his house and his home
and never did write all her pen paper dreams
but at least she had half a heart
even if it wasn’t hers
i guess ellis holding freedom ain’t what it seems

I have a man
Trapped in my web
Kind in his ways
I wish to cocoon him
Within gentle thread
That will tug at his legs
And tie him to me

There once was a priest
who went around taking up the winter collections
he had all the people remove their hearts
and he placed them in his basket

At the altar the priest gave them his holy water to soak up
and he kept them there till spring

The end of mass came with church bell’s ring
heartless, we all got up to leave
careful with our new troubles in being
with hearts gone all things go unfeeling
and all you can do is look out the window
and wait for spring

Remember when you told me you thought you were incapable of loving someone or even liking them in an emotionally romantic way? Did u mean that?

Srry I know we haven’t talked in a while and this is kinda out of the blue but i realized i feel the same way

it’s like i try to connect with someone on that level, that intimate level, where i try to let them in enough to where i feel like they can really see me, and then i just hit a wall

but i feel like i’m always working towards that connection. you know? like everyone wants to be seen.

but it’s stupid because every time i get close enough to that vulnerable visibility i can’t bare to be around that person anymore. every bit of my body revolts and i have to get away from anyone who could possibly see me. i have to get as far away as possible as fast as possible

and i always thought it was just a case of the wrong person

that they weren’t the right one the one who would make me feel comfortable enough
and the next one i picked would be better

but it’s never like that

and maybe it’s not the other person
maybe they’re just doing and feeling what two people who are romantically involved should do and should feel

maybe i’m in the wrong

like i don’t think i can love someone because being close to people makes me feel disgusted with myself

anyways what i’m saying is if u do feel like that i think i get it

We're peddling our bikes
hoping views will change
picturing grass greens and ocean blues
peddling under night's and mid-afternoon skies
following the nightingales and morning robins  
but the the point has been lost
and we're without wheels

Put me in Adam's place between
The lonely grove of sweet bliss
Or her love in the abyss
I'll lick the forbidden fruit clean
Eat from the palm of her hand

No gift to tie me to this land
But my shameful baby
By my God, I'll go banned
Only blessed by my baby

When she's already gone to sin
There'd be nothing else to do
But look in snake's eyes and grin
And take the original fall
All's well as long as I have you

Towards hell's fire, I'd crawl
Swim through the flames of the pyres
Sleep upside down with the liars
All for my baby's love in the fire

The arrow pierces my heart in abhorrent glow.
It stings against my flesh and cuts me raw.
The arrow of love is one that does me no justice;
It flies hand in hand with that of heartbreak
from which pain pours from me like a sapped tree.
I am but an immobile lump of little intellect
and I have all to blame in that arrow t
hat pierced me with such malicious intent
and softened my heart, now beating much in my chest.
The arrow in its self appears of fluff and excellence;
it is the prize above all men,
but at second snap of bow the hand strikes,
coarse against my being.
That second arrow beats me black and blue
till I can carry on no more
and then it presents the audacity to say "but I love you."
And with that I break
I go flying mad by all accounts.
My heart now drips down my open chest
and tears down my face,
but with eyes of love beading down my soul
the words echo out my own lips.
I say it back, that "I love you"
and I move to gentle, callous embrace
of those love and heartbreak
who stitch me up with arrow and thread
and wrap me secure.
     - I've Never Been One For Love

my words may always sound pretty
but sometimes i'm afraid they're only hollow

souls standing in the mirror clear as glass
wasting our lives in thought iridescence
never would you notice us as we pass
exteriors shine blindingly florescent

Why need look more? Blonde, tall, and skinny
basic for sure. short, mousy, and brunette
you’ve seen the type. Just a mass city
walking under peer given name. Preset.

Masking our heart beating singular tune.
Towards directions anew. There it goes.
hidden in the dark of glowing moon
beyond the crescent’s glow, stay shadows

so when you’ve looked and you’ve seen
what more is there? Why look beyond the scene?

great shelves have built worlds
and destroyed souls
-I'm there
-Can you see me?

I want to always sleep beneath the weight
Of your soul. I want to never have the knowledge of being naked.
I want to run without breathing.

I want to greet the sea and the sea’s mother,
Space. I want a mouth full of cigarette smoke.

I want you to feel that i am just as beautiful and fleeting. If the wind has the advantage of existing through everything and with nothing,
I want to step across fall leaves without a sound.

I want to welcome you home, without you feeling the strangeness of my presence.
I want to exist with you

And when apart miss you. I want to lose myself
In low-hanging and unmoving fog. I want to lose
My physical form and have you never miss it.

I want to be the smoke in the fog.
I want to lose my vessel

With infinite possibility of folding in
And with infinite possibility of expanding out.
I want the freedom of infinite and invisible of movement.

I want my nerves to enclose around you.
I want to feel every inch of you.
And I want you to be obvious to my touch.

I want to be the moon you see in the pitch of night. I want to be the crescent and the whole.
I want to be your everything and Nothing.

I want to be the still and clear pool of water,
But not the mirror. I do not want to be the tree.
I do not want to be the book or the fading family

Album of pictures. When I leave this body, Woman, I want to be limitless smoke.
I want to be your breath.

Didn't eat til 3
at 10 it’s screaming
-sinking stability

The windows are clear
and empty
-How to spot a missing soul

The windows are clear and empty
Panes so blue they can't be real
In my life I'm all gone
You can see right through me
My head's so clear and empty
Pains so blue they can't be real
'Cause it's easy living in the world we pretend it to be

And I've never been that good at being seen
Just look right through me
'Cause it's easy to give the light when your in a flat reality
I'm just a shiny face, glittery but oh so empty
Just look right through me
Panes so blue they can't be real, living so easy
Pains to blue they can't be real, living so easy

Throw the rock from under your bed
Go across the street, shatter me
Take the blue and set me free
So sickened by the empty

Panes so blue they can't be real
In my life I'm all gone
You can see right through me
My head's so clear and empty
Pains so blue they can't be real
'Cause it's easy living in the world we pretend it to be

Gnarled beast looks back at me.
Its soulless eyes beading down,
my palms slick with anxious, heart-wrenched sweat.
I reach my finger up to meet the squishy, blackened holes.
They sit where eyes should be,
Soully ******* holes in the middle
Flaked, skin flinches at contact,
the action reverberating through my callous finger tips.
I push harder, blood rushes over tawny wrenched flesh,
cracking beneath my nail beds
and thickly seeping to my fingerprints.
Slowly I retract my hand,
moving it to my own snow pale skin.
The blood stains and my wrinkled soul emerges.
      -This Is My Truth

I'm nothing but an emotional drain
I syphon every bit of good from your life
And leave the bad in the tub

Oooh it's not intentional
It's just the way I am

And the way I am is something missing
Just the H and the O

Oooh I'm emotional
The tears are always gonna rain

And they'll rain over you
If you choose to stay

And I can't be any good to you
Because a drain can only take

Oooh I'm emotional
I think you made a mistake

You should go and seek her out

'Cause towels are better than the drain
Let them soak up the mess I've made

Just be careful not to slip as you get out

Oooh it's not intentional
It's just the way I am, am I, am, am, am I
I am >>
Nothing but an emotional drain
I syphon every bit of good from your life
And leave the bad in the tub

Wisdom arbitrarily determined
By tallied walls
Gains nothing but past mistakes
And generations’ stupidity

I went to bed early without you
And it wasn't because I was tired
I stopped saying goodnight to the people I love
And it wasn't because I was tired

It was because I dreading this so much
I'm so sick of keeping my head up
And pretending it belongs to you
I think it's time I let my body like I let everybody down, down
Because It wasn't because I was tired

Look at these eyes of mine
Look at the way they're crying
Cast out like sea glass cutting at me and bleeding out all that shame
Sharp edges to keep you away
And waves to smooth it all out
They only fix it after the crack
And that takes a lot of drowning
But you were just such a lovely-dovey-lovely love
How could you ever hurt me?

Meanwhile I'm
Beating, bleeding, chipping, bruising
Sea glass is always mean

Meanwhile you're
Beating, bleeding, chipping, bruising
The sea glass into me
I went to bed early without you
And it wasn't because I was tired
It was because I was dreading this so much
And this wasn't because I was tired

Between lonely grove of sweet bliss
And love in the abyss
I’d eat the fruit from her hand

I’d turn the tide on promised land
Go nowhere without my woman
I find my heaven in her kiss

I’d greet hell gladly for her sin
Swim with flames of funeral pyres
Take in the hurricane and grin
Sleep upside down with the liars
All for my love’s sweet fire

I've failed but this time I'll fail better

It's the panic
It's the swell and the bump
For my part I'm all so sad
Because it was going all so well
But that's fine, oh well

I shouldn't ever expect a difference
To get to the fruit
A knife always had to cut
And that's fine, oh well

And at least the innards are sweet
If a little tough to chew
And that's fine, oh well
Because it's all the more fun to go inward
When reality doesn't feel like it's real
That it's
The nail in the foot
Seal in the deal
Oh the anxious orange peel

So go ahead
Carve me up to the rind
See if I care
And if I don't
That's fine, oh well

'Cause I feel bigger than life and smaller than fleas
Making faces in the mirror
She's always so hard to please
'Cause it's the panic
The bump and the swell
Quick throw it down the wishing well, well
It makes me feel like such a shell
Tossed in a chopped up body
But that's fine, oh well
And that's fine, oh well

Playing, I've been playing hide 'n seek
I say come find me, do I really mean that?
Cause of death will come up as drowned out heart
Caves stay cold and rivers run warm
And hearts never hurt if they don't heat

Rivers rush, but waves come and go
I've never seen heat, I've never been cold
Always alone, I've made hiding a home

I've seen friends jump right in, they all came out drenched
Their rivers form lakes, where hearts go to drown
Would my heart heat out or die in the cold?

Rivers rush, but waves come and go
I've never seen heat, I've never been cold
Always alone, I've made hiding a home

And if we just jump right in, will we come out drenched?
Rivers form lakes, I'm not ready to drown
Could I live in the blue just to have you?

Me vs Baby.
Who wins the fight
for right and life?

Me living breath of possession
who has held the vote for less than 100
faced jobless incubation since 78'
who never held her own plastic card til 74'

Today I live back in 73'
where my body and life
aren't worth the breath
my festering fetus does not take

Back forty plus years they've dragged me
by terms and contracts of my ******
I did not sign

I saw who voted
and spat at screen

My life is mine
my body mine
I am not your baby making machine

I want to scream
for right
for me
for all they retract
and redact
in their ******* need for control  

We 50.8% of the population
We are here
And you do not own us

we're running through dreams
hiding amide humming street's glow
the whole world asleep
and we forgotten
have escaped its trap

we're laughing life away
smiling out all our obligation
we're flailing arms in disregard
you and me,
we're going to run forever

but dear we didn't see
we didn't see where we were running
what was meant as a right became a left
and oh we're so lost

but the whole world is asleep
and we, we were forgotten

His smile was the best kind of contagious

Oh by light of mother moon
I tried to leave the party, so scared of coming down
Heading out I saw the shadow of your back
The moon she led me here to worship in the night
And I came to the moment I saw your face
Something so distant but nearing to the edge
Please don't leave me yet
Please don't leave me yet

Up so late at night, no point in sleeping now
I took your hand and made you dance in the glow
Strangers coming together in the middle of the night
We were spinning round so full of life, nearing death
Mother's always led me to the places most full of light
Of course that's why she brought me here

You asked about my family and I gave no reply
I had to introduce you to the moon
She's been my mother for a time
And me heart was racing so long into the night
I've never loved so quick, so fast, and full
And I've never left so quick, so fast, just had to let you go

If only for the moment we were meant to last
A love so perfect, we lived a lifetime in the night
It doesn't have to last, but for now we'll live so full
Please don't leave me yet
Just last a moment longer
Please don't leave me yet
Just last a moment longer

We were carving through the dark
I took you to the beach, we had to catch the last of her rays
And oh the sun was rising, we had to see it end
Took the last moment of the night, the moon let us go
We never really met

Strangers coming together in the middle of the night
Mother's always led me to the places most full of light
I'm sure that's why she brought me here

We hauled ourselves to wealth and safety
But we forgot them.
   -whoever they were

here is
   ME
one
       two
              three
me

here I STAND
feet scarred by    the    Land
by the    MAN
Begotten by the son of MAN

forgotten by    the    SON
held down by his    GUN

me who has been  
      SHUN

they move    ON
they ride away at    DAWN

GONE
GONE
GONE

They who felt the   DRILL
of the ****

AND you listener can you    GUESS ?
here let me put you to the TEST.

women born without their DRESS
are still those of the        BREAST.

THIS MUST BE
                                             StReSsEd


her life was in their    HANDS
YOUR HANDS
as they dragged her to the        BADLANDS.

they are to blame
OUR CULTURE IS TO blame.

Brittany White
Muhlaysia Booker
Chynal Lindsey
these their NAME.

black trans    WOMEN

she never asked to    SWIM IN

so take my   QUOTE
it's dead bodies that   FLOAT.

Dear Mama,
   I don't think you ever taught me to love.

With much indifference,
-Grinding rocks

Met this woman who looked just like you
Same old smile and eyes of blue
With your rosy cheeks and dancing curls
But her heart was cold with beating gone,
funny how life unfurls
Whatever happened to my girl?
With hearts in blush and laughing free
Oh oh oh, where is she?

I don't love the girl that you've become
Why was I always pushing away
'Cause every time you'd pull me in
I told you to **** and I pushed off again
They were good to say ******* never win
I'm sorry I put you in my skin
Maybe one day I'll let us both go
Maybe one day you'll finally be free

I haven't seen you since that day
Did you ever forget my face?
'Cause sometimes I turn too quick and search for your place
And I haven't smiled since you went away
Baby I'll sit in front but I won't touch the door
I know I'm too gone now to retrace

Maybe one day I'll let us both go
And you'll be free too
Maybe one day I'll let us both go
And you'll be free too
Maybe one day I'll let us both go
And you'll be free too
But then again, they never win
Met this woman who looked just like you
funny how life unfurls