I wish I didn't know how that feels.
I wish I didn't know how a lot of things feel.

When you told me I was doing great for a woman my size, I passed you off and told myself that "compliment" had good intentions.
When you called me sweet cheeks I ignored you. A woman like me is used to men like you.
When you told me the stair master made my *** look bangin, I was both honored and appalled.  My *** may be my greatest feature but ****** comments have their place and the gym is not one of them.
When you asked me for my number, you were rude, acting in a way in which no gentleman should act. I told you no. And I meant no.
When you called me a ***** loud enough for the whole gym to hear, you were only making yourself look bad.
When you came up and wrapped your arm around my shoulder and told me you were going to take me out for a good time on friday night, I was terrified and suddenly praying for a **** whistle.
When you insisted I promptly informed you I was lesbian, and to let you down gently, not my type.
When you called me a **** I took no offense, that word has become meaningless. Then you told me it must be a phase, that I just hadn't been with a man like you. That you could change me.
When you said "hop on this **** ****" I was done with your games. I pushed you aside and when you ****** my shoulder back you were the one to end up with their *** on the ground.
Dear namless man at the gym,
When you said you could help me through my phase, you were wrong. Being gay is not my phase. Being straight was.

I begin to assemble what weapons I can find
'Cause sometimes to stay alive you got to **** your mind

We exchange empty stares
Full of feelings still felt
By both of us, but kept
Hid deep inside thinking
It'll make the pain go away

Maybe - finally - I'm releasing the voice I've kept inside.

Have it all, lose it all
You ready for more yet?

I grew up my freshman year of high school
when the boy I loved fell for a girl who loved girls
when my best friend became my worst enemy
when the nightmares became day dreams

I died my sophomore year of high school
when the pills I loved fell out of my mouth  
when my best friend became my worst enemy
when the day dreams ended the nightmares

I can't escape the past
And it makes me want to die