I just wanted to tell you that I forgive you
Wanted to tell you that
There’s no need to apologize

For i already have taken full responsibility for coddling your self destruction

I hold myself accountable for mind ******* your insecurities, orgasming myself into an illusion

and giving you the audacity to feel entitled to do me the way that you did me

This beautiful toxicity was at my disposal
For lying in bed with your agony replaced me having to face my own in the mirror

So, why don’t you accept this apology from me

I promise you I won’t throw palm trees at your presence

And I will smile every time you see me grace your walkway

Because you have given me motivation to be a better

Healthier woman for a man who doesn’t even know
That someone like me exists

I promise you now, I’m preserving my energy

You can no longer suffocate the peace in me

This is the end

I made the decision to love you

Not because your actions were deserving
But because loving me properly

Involved too much work,

Requiring an isolation that I was not willing to forego

Due to selfish, adolescent inadequacies
That i held onto for the purpose of continued victimization

So I chose you as a cohabitant in my desperation

To gain some type of clarity

Control over miscarried thoughts

And feelings

conceptualized into flesh and bone

The “getting to know you” phase, for me,
Gets exhausting

Because scorned kings will allow me
the pleasure of being introduced to their insecurities

Their aged old vices

before I can get the chance to even learn the given name on their birth certificate

Hi, “my mother never nestled me in her ***** and my father doesn’t give two ***** about me,”

When all I inquired about was your zodiac sign

Not everyone who shows you an ounce

Of attention during your states of vulnerability
,
Where your brokenness has drenched blood into your arteries,

Clogging the bit of hope you had left seeping in an abyss,

Deserves to bask in the taste of your ancestral secrets.

Why weren't you taught the science of the lion and the gazelle,

Where predators seek out the weak and down-trotted,

Just For their leisure?

just because they’ve seen tears shed

And they've caressed the nothingness that
wallows in the pit of your stomach,

does not entitle them to your graces

You must learn when it’s time to protect your peace.
You
must learn when solitude is necessary

My parting wish for you

Would be that you find someone

Whose kisses unlock your chakras

Open your third eye

Without conjuring up your inner demons
That you’ve Buried at the base of your spine
I pray that they be exorcised

And i hope that their destiny aligns with your ancestry

And you find happiness at the tips of their fingers

And find God in their breath

Isn’t this confusing?

To be a hopeless romantic

Searching for your twin flame

Curving the mundane

To find The one whom is equally yoked

I'm Lost and wandering

In what once was
familiar territory

But this open space has

Transformed itself into battle grounds

I'm sparring viciously for one's attention
Because there are women

That are willing to lose their identities

To faces with no name

And are often times too eager to spread
Fibia bones to avoid the vacancy in their beds

And then there's me;

Attracting men

That only latch onto women for therapy
Refusing to take responsibility for their own healing

Claiming a Queen as his property

Because he fails to have control over his own life

and i have learned how to adapt in this chaos
Forcing to close myself off

From the one thing I've wanted so badly

I’m a hopeless romantic

Living and loathing

In a world whose inhabitants

Have the sick fetish of savagery

Walking around like a cold-blooded *******

Who has forgotten her heart is still worn on her sleeve

I’ve been roaming around in my self-conscious

Because my thoughts are the only things that won’t leave me

I’ve been drowning in plagiarized I love you’s

From the lips of those who don’t understand

Their falsehood only coddles my abandonment issues

Leading me right back to that window
Pushing blinds back

Anxiously anticipating your visiting hours
That you have forgotten about for

the third time

This week