You would’ve been 25 today
And yet today, we have not been blessed with the graces of brown eyes, brazen golden shoulders
Telling the begotten tale of a black man’s prosperous survival
In a cruel world meant to defeat him
We didn’t get the chance to hear the sound of your arms wrapping around your mother
As she announced her bid for the office
Or see the thoughts flowing
Out of your eyes as you gazed
Into the clouds, creating space craft that would fly past the ionosphere
Today, you would’ve been 25
Sharing memories of adolescence and manhood with those that follow you
Chugging a beer with your kinfolk as your father beams at you proudly
Today, you would have been 25
And all we can do is mourn
For you and the millions of black Boyz
Whose hoodies are viewed as a threat to a society that views them as your bullet proof vest

I’ve been trying to be in agreement
With you and your power
Begging you to use it wisely
Versus allowing maggots to
Plant seeds in your Fertile Crescent
Convincing yourself that you’ll birth butterflies
But somehow they won’t escape from their cocoon
You are bruised
And scattered
From accepting changing faces with the same name and vernacular just to feel the depths of your vessel
Beat it up just enough for you to think you’ve discovered your worth
And now,  you think you are dying
I told you, you’re worth more than fake ******* and the subtle loneliness you experience when he comes inside of you
You are the universe
Yet you’re Buried in darkness
Only to make your journey around the sun
To find redemption
It is time
To come together
Come back to me
And coexist in one being
Surrender to your truth

You were born with a target on your back
Not solely because the melanin in your skin
Is a reflection of the sun rise

But the patriarchy made it unacceptable
For me to love you, anyway

Due to imposed inferiority

The inferiority of the Caucasian man
and pseudoscientific dispositions;

he saw the power of your birthright

Way Before your conception
and deemed you dangerous

A danger to society
A danger to yourself

A danger to your creator, which is me,

Because i was taught by my father’s actions that you would learn to how to hate black women

So i was made to believe that carrying you was an attempt at committing suicide

Finding out your gender

Was like puncturing my aorta

A self-inflicted wound

Because out here in this sphere of chaos,
there was a possibility that I could lose you

Lose you to the streets
Or , more scarily,
lose you to the barrel of a .45 being held by a Chad

Who would confuse your prepubescent body

with that of a man’s

while holding a water gun outside and mistaking your robust laughter for angry outbursts

But
I was mainly worried that I’d lose you to yourself

So Becoming shelter to black testosterone

Felt like suffocation

For my mind became a chamber of pessimism because those that carry the Y chromosome only dispensed

their love in me

Never for me , and always with a condition

That was until i heard your heart beat
And with each flutter and strengthening kick

I vowed to guard you with my life on

Lock

Your entrance into this world taught me it’s okay to be human
And Your tiny little hands, as they gently brush against my face,
remind me that it’s perfectly normal to resurrect my being every time

I succumb to the unrealistic expectations of mankind

I thank you, for introducing me to my destiny

I look into your eyes and I realize that
God must be a black woman

because who could ever create something so beautiful

And as a woman alone, a black woman alone
Raising up a black boy and molding
Him into greatness in such
bone chattering realities
Is terrifying

I promise,
Mommy’s got your back

And though your father has disappeared into the clouds

As the narrative of black men abandoning their offspring

Lingers into the density of the night behind him

Know that I will always be a present

Even if the world has already singled you out,

Betting its odds against you,

I guarantee I will be your highest bidder

There’s no need to be afraid

I don’t care if your power is viewed as a threat
And your anxiety will cause you to viciously watch

Your back as the days progress

Know that
You are bulletproof

For I created you with resilience

And i am your portal

Navigate through me
and I guarantee
you’ll find your refuge

Right back on pride rock where you belong

And I’ll be standing there
with open arms
Remember, i am your lion’s guard.

You had the audacity to claim

Your love language dripped off my tongue
I didn’t know that physical touch could taste so sweet

We’ve made love to a codependent fallacy of laying in the midnight hour

In each other's anointing oil,
convincing ourselves that this is love

Not that insertion is an addiction

And the only physical touch that you are fluent in is a pelvic ******
and the only language your tongue

Is fluent in

Is betrayal

I guess we can consider this a toxic relationship

Where you have you the power to bless me with your shadows

Every so often

Because i allow you to re-enter the cherry blossomed gates of my universe without apology

For each and every time you’ve left me wondering

If you even still exist

I feel the stings of your inconsistency

The moment you decide to reappear

Upon my flesh

With sweet kisses of memoriam

Of that dreaded night of our introduction
Where gulps of Easy Jesus, whispered “take it Easy, Jesus,”

Yet i still chose to drown in my sins anyway

That beautiful brown clouded my vision
Led me to the scent of freshly cleansed white sheets

And four white walls

That reflect the violence that attacked my privacy
Acquainting me to the silent monster
That’s never present

Yet readily shows up for our quarterly meetings

Reminding me of

You

I tend to fall into a complacent obsession
Over unhealthy attachments

That will lead to me self-harm

And carving suicidal thoughts along

The dotted lines of my veins

Just so I can portray my favorite role

Once again -
The victim