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Even in the darkest of the night,
I can still remember those lips finding their way towards mine.  
We can barely see what's in front of us,
But yet our bodies are gravitating towards each other.
I'll let you guide my body into the night.
The darkness brings us together.
The darkness holds no fear.
The darkness conceals all flaws.
As the sun begins to slowly creep against the horizon,
He quietly leaves the sanctuary of her heart.
As the seconds of the morning sun ticks by,
He gradually becomes nothing but a dream of her imagination.
The light grasps the truth.
The light enhances the shame.
The light shows the scars.
I can still feel your warmth tingling against my skin.
It's time to wake up.
Words are hollow.
Eyes are deceiving.
Thoughts are far fetched.
Illusions are broken.
Looks mean nothing.
Expressions can be fake.
Emotions are assassins.
Senses don't work.
Heart stops beating.
Light turns into darkness.
Does this mean I am dead?
Remember all you see each day
All the things that are around you and
Keep close to all the friends you have
in the bubble that surrounds you

Simple gestures, little things
The stuff that's out of sight, most days
it flows on by without a look
in the bubble that surrounds you

Don't ever take for granted anything you have and hold
It's only through respect and love, that straw can turn to gold
You're my first though in the morning dear, up with the rising son
You're the last thing that I think about, when the moon says day is done

I never say "I love you" dear
not as much as I guess I should do
After time it is an unsaid thing
although you know I still do

A gentle kiss upon the lips as you are on your way
forgotten in the winds of time, but just enough to say
the words now left unspoken as we trundle through our life
Now, a touch, or look's "I love you for saying yes to be my wife"

Breathing, seeing, hearing things
the smell of coffee brewing
things we never think about
and vows that need renewing

There'll be a day when I wake up
And you just might not be there
If I don't treat you like I ought to now
I have to show you that I care

Don't ever take for granted anything you have and hold
It's only through respect and love, that straw can turn to gold
You're my first though in the morning dear, up with the rising son
You're the last thing that I think about, when the moon says day is done
 Jun 2017 Yaotl Arenas
mar
Mercy
 Jun 2017 Yaotl Arenas
mar
It's not fair that you only have to spend the morning without me
for I'm trapped in the night
darkness deafening me as I tell myself over and over that this is real
that midnight is only an hour
that I'll be home soon
and I never feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be
transporting myself place to place
continent hopping like a heart murmur
my soul is five hours behind
and when you sleep my whole being longs for your voice
glasses half empty stacked beside me
I remember a time when my hair danced at my hips
when the moon would be full and heat lightning blinded me
constantly praying to a god I didn't believe in that I could fall asleep
but dreams didn't come
and that summer lasted but eight days
when I can feel your heartbeat you are fire
but now that I'm so far away your voice is tired
your laugh is like a wind chime on a day when the air doesn't speak
milk moons have a habit of forcing me to reread your words
making me realize I now posess curses I never thought I'd have to endure
like how when I touch you I am not the girl my father raised
like how when you push me into the wall I hope your mother doesn't weep

We all have promises we wish we never made
I wish I didn't tie myself to you with silk
knotting each of my heartstrings around your fingers
I'm like your puppet
and it's wrenching because I had always been so brimmed with pride
conceived by my parents notion that I'd be doomed to wander alone
or blessed
if you choose to look at my freedom like it's that of a gift
but I don't want it anymore
I refuse to chain myself to my past
my frosted veins melting in your palms
I am not who I thought I was
I am not the lady my matriarch once bore that hot morning
a head full of curls and irises that told two different tales

I'm so lucky that the trees bend north tonight
I contribute secrets as clouds to the noir
unkept stands of chestnut trying to escape
but I don't blame them
and ink is all around me as I further my vices
counting down to paradise as I move a little too quickly from my bed
the other part of me wonders if I go visit him at this time
and I grin at that notion she thinks that's what I want from this hour
there are moments I forget to miss you
guild soaked as I remember love
I wouldn't call this bliss
it doesn't even scrape at happiness
it's emptiness
but not the way I've experienced before
I don't have words for this new feeling
not yet at least
I'll let anything in as an attempt to starve out this self doubt
but no whisper is as warm as your breath
because with you you don't even need to comfort me with diction
instead I swallow your glances like honey
I hope you know this mindset will never evolve
and if it does it is only to grow stronger

Some hearts change with the seasons
mine used to change at every chime of a clock
I'm stagnant now
laying calmly in the eye of the storm
the light hitting my skin the only thing changing each hour

Soon this will be over
No longer damning every firefly and its nerve to glow without purpose
Soon I'll be at your mercy again
Purple thighed and alive
Because right now without you I've never felt so alone
Eyelids like blankets
Terrified of what dreams could await my unconscious soul
But in the deepest hollows of my chest I hear your voice calming me
Saying what you always say when you hear my heart rate jump
"Let me sing you that song about the stars I know you love"
Searching my heart for its true sorrow,
  This is the thing I find to be:
That I am weary of words and people,
  Sick of the city, wanting the sea;

Wanting the sticky, salty sweetness
  Of the strong wind and shattered spray;
Wanting the loud sound and the soft sound
  Of the big surf that breaks all day.

Always before about my dooryard,
  Marking the reach of the winter sea,
Rooted in sand and dragging drift-wood,
  Straggled the purple wild sweet-pea;

Always I climbed the wave at morning,
  Shook the sand from my shoes at night,
That now am caught beneath great buildings,
  Stricken with noise, confused with light.

If I could hear the green piles groaning
  Under the windy wooden piers,
See once again the bobbing barrels,
  And the black sticks that fence the weirs,

If I could see the weedy mussels
  Crusting the wrecked and rotting hulls,
Hear once again the hungry crying
  Overhead, of the wheeling gulls,

Feel once again the shanty straining
  Under the turning of the tide,
Fear once again the rising freshet,
  Dread the bell in the fog outside,—

I should be happy,—that was happy
  All day long on the coast of Maine!
I have a need to hold and handle
  Shells and anchors and ships again!

I should be happy, that am happy
  Never at all since I came here.
I am too long away from water.
  I have a need of water near.
i don’t want to sit around all day
impatiently waiting for him to call
and when i finally hear his voice
i don’t want to feel like he’s
the air in my lungs i need to breathe
and when it’s time to say goodbye
i don’t want to fight over
who should hang up first

i’m not looking for someone
to make me feel whole,
because i already am
i’m not looking for someone
to save me because
i’ve already been saved

i don’t want to be holding
hands at the wrist so if (when)
he lets go, i’m still holding on

i don’t want in-between
fake promises from prince charming

i want diner breakfasts
at 3 in the morning and
long car rides with broken radios
and handwritten letters with
nothing scribbled out because
he doesn’t care about perfection,
he cares about being real

when it’s time,
i want to be in love
not in love
with feeling loved
written on 1/21/14
You wake up each morning feeling like you don't fit in
you believe no one really understands you
half of you is missing from the world
people find you weird and strange
you find them boring.
You're not alone

You don't have many friends
you never go to parties
a psychiatrist would probably lock you away
you feel lonely surrounded by billions
you feel you will die with no one in your life
You're not alone

It doesn't matter what others think
it doesn't matter if no one gets you
because my friend
you're not alone
Whose melancholy love
slumbers in your serene arms?
She is darkness incarnate,
and you've become corrupted by fate.
Her savage fingers linger
on your blood soaked chest.
You merely thought...
what great ***** ***!
You poor fool...
She is beyond your reasoning,
unexplainable, but you are hooked.
By morning, she will be gone,
leaving you wanting more.
Addiction for her
will become a self-driven sword.
©2010 Lori Carlson

All rights belong to the author. Please ask permission before using any of her poems.
 Jun 2017 Yaotl Arenas
pixels
my sheets are a noose
every night i swing
swing my life away

my pillow is an ocean
every night i drown
in my own tears and hopes

the pills
the people
the harsh sunlight

during the day
i am protected
i can smile without worry

the Monster is asleep

pretty pills protect princesses

but my terror grows
as the sun sinks low
the sky bright red
like the blood the Monster sheds

i wait until morning
before my eyes close

in my tears i drown
in my dreams i die

screams wake me
oh, those are mine
i'm sorry
didn't mean to wake you
no, i'm fine
just a nightmare

just a nightmare

*The Monster eats pretty princesses when they close their eyes.
Nightmares are horrible, especially when you're the starring victim and villian.
Rest in peace my self esteem
I'v lost the courage to chase those dreams
Memories of days past, lines blurring, they went by so **** fast
When you wonder about life, about the grand scheme behind it
you try to find it, define it,
make sense of the senseless
what can I create from nothing
I guess I'm bluffing when I say something sincere
like that there's sentient life far away, we're talking light years
all I can really do is adhere to the rules, tell people about my high school
reminisce and wish things were the way they used to be
I just wanna be free, go out and see what's out there
go to the fair, play with your hair, stop and stare at those eyes
how could I ever lie about what you meant to me
your mind and soul were nearly as vast as the sea to me
I wanted to dive deep, be a creep and know all there is about you
but what can I do now that you're gone
I feel so alone, staying at home, afraid of the unknown
I still checked my cracked phone for texts from you
the last words I'd ever see were etched onto a headstone, gravestone, can I atone for what I did with this precious stone?
No.
Because you're gone and that's that.
I can shout that I miss you,
wish I'd kissed you harder

please

just one more dance?
This one is bad, real bad, I just needed to get this one out of me.
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