It's not fair that you only have to spend the morning without me for I'm trapped in the night darkness deafening me as I tell myself over and over that this is real that midnight is only an hour that I'll be home soon and I never feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be transporting myself place to place continent hopping like a heart murmur my soul is five hours behind and when you sleep my whole being longs for your voice glasses half empty stacked beside me I remember a time when my hair danced at my hips when the moon would be full and heat lightning blinded me constantly praying to a god I didn't believe in that I could fall asleep but dreams didn't come and that summer lasted but eight days when I can feel your heartbeat you are fire but now that I'm so far away your voice is tired your laugh is like a wind chime on a day when the air doesn't speak milk moons have a habit of forcing me to reread your words making me realize I now posess curses I never thought I'd have to endure like how when I touch you I am not the girl my father raised like how when you push me into the wall I hope your mother doesn't weep
We all have promises we wish we never made I wish I didn't tie myself to you with silk knotting each of my heartstrings around your fingers I'm like your puppet and it's wrenching because I had always been so brimmed with pride conceived by my parents notion that I'd be doomed to wander alone or blessed if you choose to look at my freedom like it's that of a gift but I don't want it anymore I refuse to chain myself to my past my frosted veins melting in your palms I am not who I thought I was I am not the lady my matriarch once bore that hot morning a head full of curls and irises that told two different tales
I'm so lucky that the trees bend north tonight I contribute secrets as clouds to the noir unkept stands of chestnut trying to escape but I don't blame them and ink is all around me as I further my vices counting down to paradise as I move a little too quickly from my bed the other part of me wonders if I go visit him at this time and I grin at that notion she thinks that's what I want from this hour there are moments I forget to miss you guild soaked as I remember love I wouldn't call this bliss it doesn't even scrape at happiness it's emptiness but not the way I've experienced before I don't have words for this new feeling not yet at least I'll let anything in as an attempt to starve out this self doubt but no whisper is as warm as your breath because with you you don't even need to comfort me with diction instead I swallow your glances like honey I hope you know this mindset will never evolve and if it does it is only to grow stronger
Some hearts change with the seasons mine used to change at every chime of a clock I'm stagnant now laying calmly in the eye of the storm the light hitting my skin the only thing changing each hour
Soon this will be over No longer damning every firefly and its nerve to glow without purpose Soon I'll be at your mercy again Purple thighed and alive Because right now without you I've never felt so alone Eyelids like blankets Terrified of what dreams could await my unconscious soul But in the deepest hollows of my chest I hear your voice calming me Saying what you always say when you hear my heart rate jump "Let me sing you that song about the stars I know you love"