24/11/2020

The sun winks
As it hides
It’s voluptuous curves beyond
My vision

I contemplate the day
Basking in the last bout
Of warmth enveloping
My petite figure
Like a soft, woollen pashmina

I am content
Unbothered by mundane
Worries
Resent has no home within
The many facets of
My being

The last of the sun’s rays
Make patterns on
The tulle of my dress
Shapes that resemble child’s play
I trace the coalesced shapes with my finger
As though I am reading a
Secret message passed down
From the hazy heavens

I am where I need to be
Content floods my heart
A smile tugs at my lip
I am where I should be

23/11/2020

I push the vase over
The edge
Watching it topple
Exploding into thousands of tiny
Fragments
The satisfaction I expected
Cowers in the corner
Dissipates with every passing second
Until only the whiff of smoke
Remains in its fiery wake

My heart gasps and shrieks
I have broken the one
I love most.
His affections are blown away
By the wind
Taken away, exiled to distant lands
I cannot reach
I can no longer taste the smile
On his lips
His once warm touch is foreign
A lonesome memory

My arms are outstretched,
Yearning to be held
To be yanked from the
Churning seas I am suspended in
But his eyes overlook my
Flailing figure in
The dark unyielding seas

The vase has been broken
Spilling the water it carried within
It’s vessel
The flowers have withered
And died
There is no sustenance left to fuel their
Existence

My arms grow tired
My eyes adjust
To the murky water’s
Cool caress
My fatigued arms fall to my side
I am alone.

I let the sea embrace me
Carrying me down to its warm
Depths
I catch one last glimpse of his
Retreating silhouette
I have finally paid the price
I owe

22/11/2020

I watch you
As though we are separated
By a frosted glass wall
You can hear me
Loud and clear
My sobs echo
Yet you go about your day
complacently
Unfazed

I try and knock
Scratch at the barrier that holds us apart
Like two hemispheres, forbidden
To meet
But you laugh at my attempts
Scamper away
Your eyes chasing another dream
I can still see ur shadows dancing
Present, yet unaware

But no matter how close I stand to the wall
Pressing every inch of my body
On its cold unyielding surface
You still cannot see me
But I watch
I watch, hopeful
My eyes flickering like the dim lights
Until everything is bathed
in darkness

Just know when I push you away
My demons are collecting their hard earned winnings
The tears, the cries, the aches, the anguish
The guttural screams that echo from my broken-winged soul

Just know, the emptiness in my eyes is not sorcery-
I am no longer here
I am the final wisp of smoke
After a fire has already died.

My wails have been heard far across the oceans
I have been summoned to the place where those who are wronged find refuge

Release my mind from your grasp
It is no longer your home
I have exiled you from my existence
Blinked you away like tears in the corner of my vacant eyes
I am too damaged for your affections
I do not exist
I am a figment of your imagination
A half-remembered dream

Close your eyes and forget
For the less I am remembered,
The fainter I become...

Sometimes we feel,
When death is upon us
His claws already etching
A screenplay of the life we lived,
On the shell of our skin
Which shields
the whiff of our already festering souls,
From those feigning love around us

It’s not a gust of wind that warns us,
But the emptiness,
The vanishing of that sliver of hope
Keeping our heads above water;
The merciless tears, the sobs
That threaten to open the flood gates
So entirely...
That our insides rush out with any sudden gasp for air

It’s the absence of hope;
The indifference that paints itself like a
Mask on our faces,
Never stirring,
even in our state of vulnerability
We are lost to ourselves,
And to all who can still see
what’s left of us.

Love is but a declaration of falsity.
We cannot be loved.
Born to die with calloused hearts
Hearts that beat too hard and fast,
For love that will never step out of the shadows of our minds

And as our melody of sighs and groans, finally comes to an abrupt end
For a millisecond,

We see the light again.

~ZA

She weaved through life,
Danced
Like every breath she took,
Was another step in her carefully crafted routine
A smile broke on her face every once in a while,
As her eyes twinkled with excitement...

It was almost time for the finale,
And as she landed the final step
Of her intricate dance with a bow,
The chorus of claps that erupted
was replaced
With screams and cries.

Her twinkling eyes had glazed over
But her smile was still intact.

~ZA

The promises were never kept
The seeds sown,
But left to the mercy of nature
To huddle and wither and die.

A weatherman's report
Preaching sunshine and euphoria
Proves to be a string of false words
That jingle like cow bells

Hanging on the bulging necks of cattle,
Eyes tilted towards the sky as they are pelted with rain...
The echo of thunder,
A deafening roar,
Of suffocating sobs escaping
captivation.

~ZA

Cascading snowflakes
Brush against my skin,
Cooling my outstretched limbs
Spread on the asphalt

My eyes blink
Slowly-
As though I am entranced
My mind ticking
Like an old grandfather's clock
Tocking to a stop

My dress is crinkled
Its ends frayed
It rises and falls
With the whistle of the wind
Mocking me, taunting me
With its whispers of promises
Never kept

The sun begins to set
And the clouds bunch closer to its light
As though
They are savouring the last moments.
Its last tantalising taste of warmth.

My eyelids hesitantly come to a stop
My hair blows onto my face
Shielding what's left of me.
I cower into a ball
Hugging my knees to my chest

As the world is bathed
in darkness.

~ZA

I sigh again, but it is as
Though you have become
Immune to the
Sounds of my discomfort

Indifferent to the tears
That soak my pillow
Late at night

Sliding effortlessly
Down the ridges and planes
Of my face
Draped in a thousand shades
Of sorrow
The shadows dancing
on my hollow cheeks.
Sunken and demure.

Your eyes stare in my direction
But my motions don't catch your eye
You prefer to ponder,
mesmerised,
by the faintest
Movement outside the window

Your brown eyes wide
And bathed in sunlight
The colour of honey
So distinct,
But lacking its sweetness

Follow the hustle and bustle
Of the Parisian streets,
As your hand lifts,
ever so slowly, from
resting on my shoulder,
Onto the ledge.

You've made up your mind.

~ZA

Oh darling don't 
Give your trust to people 
like bits of gum,
They'll throw it out
Once the flavour's gone
And leave you to
Contemplate
What you thought was
'Meant to be'

In dark corners
While dark thoughts plague
Your already decaying mind
And the cold gust of falsity
Tickles your arms 
And goosebumps appear,
Your brain throbs with thoughts 
Unexplained
Was that real? Or just what he 
Feigned?

Oh darling don't 
Lay your flesh on a silver platter
For once it's tasted and prodded,
Nothing 
Else 
Matters

They'll scoop out your innards 
And watch them fester and rot
Finding pleasure in the way,
With pain, your face
Contorts

Oh darling you know
It's too good to be true
When every time your thoughts
Wander,
He says he loves you
and traps you up in his web again

A toy for his every whim
But darling the worst happens
When the lights are
Dimmed
When he's content
He'll walk out of your life
In the dead of night and
leave you a note

And you'll wake up
To a monochrome world
And realise all the colours
Have been washed away 
With the saltiness of your tears

And darling you'll never see the world the same way again.

~ZA

Your eyes stare unblinking
In the distance

Heart beats slowing
As I carve the language of my love
With sticks and stones,
On your creamy skin
And watch it stain with ochre

It feels like centuries ago
I bandaged the very wounds
I now watch,
Throbbing

Your tears have long dried
Quenched by ethereal lovers
You concocted in your mind,
Thirsty
And entranced by your sweet
Smile

And now you are a barren, dry,
Wilderness
Your distant cries lost in the darkness
And screams muffled
By the choking embrace of death

A blank canvas
Devoid of hope,
Dreams and aspirations

But as your eyes glass over
I know you have finally
met the One who will love you,
For eternity

It's over now
Your grasp on my hand loosens
Your scent lingering
as the wind carries you away.

~ZA