Seems like I can never give enough in a relationship
Like they break my heart because I'm not enough
Seems like I will never be enough
Seems like I will be alone forvever

It's never enough
They ask for things I'm not comfortable with
And they say "Okay, fine"
But then..
They purposely break me
To get their way

They ask for ****** contact
I say no
They break me
It's that way every time I feel loved
It's like they only want me to use me
So I just smile when they break me

It's sad that I can just say "I'm used to it"
It hits me like a truck though
It's ******* me
Makes me feel worthless
Makes me feel idiotic

For how many relationships I've been in
People call me "****"
They call me "*****"
They call me "Cheater"
And "Player"
When they don't see it the way I do

They don't see that I can never do enough for the person...
That I have never been enough and that I never will be
Because all the person wants me for
Is to use me

My family
My friends
No one accepts
My sexuality
I hide it from others
I push it away
I can't accept it because others don't
They hate me for it
They think it's wrong because it's against their religion
It's stupid
Yet
I push away my sexuality
I push and push and push it away

Everyone
Even my parents
Even strangers
Even teachers
And the rest of society
They have all taught me many things
But there is one thing that no one can teach me
And that is how to deal with my thoughts when I'm alone

Some days I feel nothing at all
And others,
I feel it all at once
And the one thing that I wish people would understand
Is that you can't explain what is going on inside your head

I am depressed and broken
Nothing can help me
No one can help me
I hate me
I can't stand being me
Why?
Why is a question that no one can answer..

I am depressed, someone who fakes happiness
I wonder what it feels like to not be depressed
I hear my crying
I see my tears
I want to be okay
I am depressed, someone who fakes happiness

I pretend to be happy
I feel my hands shaking
I touch my legs as I am curled up in a ball, while my knees touch my chest
I worry that I can’t stop crying
I cry for no reason
I am depressed, someone who fakes happiness

I understand that I shouldn’t be
I say that I’m okay when I’m not
I dream to be okay
I try to be happy
I hope that I can be okay
I am depressed, someone who fakes happiness

I see the scars on my arm
Reminding me of my past
It makes me cry
I take a knife
Run to the bathroom
Start some water
And make more scars

Am I the only one?
The only one who wishes that they have a hand to hold when they're down?
That wishes they had someone to hug when they need one?
That wishes they had someone to cheer them up when they need it?
Am I the only one…
Who wishes they could find someone that will love them for them?

I feel forever alone
I feel like no one will ever love me for me
I always feel like I'm never good enough
I'm constantly wondering what I'm doing wrong in my life
I feel like a star in the night  but the only one in that sky
But I don´t shine bright in the night
Because I am slowly fading away

Am I the only one who wants to feel loved?